An Unexpected Covid -19 Gift – Savoring

Yesterday was sunny with a cool breeze, so I seized the opportunity to venture out of my house. As I strolled down my sidewalk, I swooned at the neon green color of my lawn. Rain-drenched spring grass is so vibrant! I thrilled seeing the trees I passed with their infant leaves. Gently raising the end of branches, I marveled at the intricate patterns of leaves, petals and seeds.

“How beautiful you all are! Bless you for continuing your normal flow of life, when nothing is normal for us humans.”

Being cooped up at home, I was appreciating nature more deeply than usual.

The Why

So much is missing from our lives now. We can’t travel, go out to eat, go to venues for entertainment, and worst of all for me, can’t visit with loved ones and friends. Our sphere of activity has shrunk to the confines of our homes and neighborhood. At times, the uncertainty of when the world will be safe to move freely in again, feels like a nightmare I’m fighting to wake up from.

“ Knowing how to cope with negative events and savor positive ones are two sides of the coin of life experiences. Both are essential for living a happy life.”

— Jan Stanley

Focus on All That’s Still Good

So I refocus on what I do have, what I still have. I savor, or focus in on the small everyday good things I am still blessed with. I notice something precious, pause to thoroughly enjoy the pleasure of it, and appreciate in words the joy it’s bringing me.

Here’s an example. I usually put my hands together in thanks for the food I eat, but now, I savor so much beyond the food itself. My go to breakfast these days are smoothies. Before I take my first sip, I thank the sun, the rain and the soil for nurturing the spinach, berries, almonds, ginger, apples, and greens in my protein powder. I thank every person involved in the process of making it possible for these foods to be available to me (with a shout out to my son Theo, who now picks up groceries for his over-age-60 mom). I’m grateful for my trusty Oster blender that liquefies all these wonderful fruits and veggies. And I thank God for it all.

Then I use my senses to fully experience the pleasure of my smoothie. I delight in the its beautiful olive green color, its rich creamy texture, and its cold gingery taste.

A Fresh Perspective on Normal Life

Every life experience, positive or negative, is an opportunity to grow and embrace the challenge before us. In our busy, active lives, we often overlook the fundamental gifts we’re blessed with. Now with our sphere of life so condensed, those gifts are front and center:

A roof over our heads, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, running water, a hot shower and soap to bathe; our health; being able to move, breathe, speak; good books to read, wonderful entertainment to stream, music to lift and soothe our spirit; flowers blooming, the sun rising and setting, the stars in the night sky; loved ones blessedly safe and healthy who we can zoom or FaceTime to share laughter, fears, and our hearts with.  

Savoring our everyday blessings can help us through the greatest challenge of our lifetime. Covid 19 right now seems interminable. We have no idea how long it will be until we can again move freely in the world or embrace our loved ones who live apart from us. I know I am counting the days when I can hug my son, Theo and my sister, Lois. I have a feeling they’ll have to pry me away. For now, appreciating all we do have, is the best way I know to face this challenge.

My vision is that when there is a vaccine, and life resumes, we will be better people for this challenge. We will appreciate the fundamental blessings of our lives (health, home, loved ones, nature) be more generous of spirit, and conserve our precious resources.

Your Takeaways

• Savor all the fundamentals you do have that bring you comfort and pleasure.

• Appreciate sensory details of sight, sound, smell, taste and feelings

• Reach out daily to loved ones to savor your connections.

• Develop the habit of opening your heart to the goodness you’re blessed with.

Why not today, be like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life, and wake up to appreciate the simple joys ever present in your life!

What are you savoring these days? I’d love to hear from you.

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For practical tips on deepening your relationships, check out my award-winning book:

3 R's for Thriving During Corona Virus Times

Friends – I’m sharing a blog I wrote for my friends Sue OConnor and Randy Lumia’s Paradise Workplace Solutions website. They wanted some tips to help people who are now working from home. I had you in mind as well as I was writing it. Hope you find a nugget in it to make your days more normal and bright!

Life as it is now, for every single one of us, is something we’ve never encountered before. We’re unsure how long our quarantined lifestyle will continue, we’re missing the freedom of freely going places, and mostly, we’re missing being with all the people we love and care about.

We will get through this, but like every challenge we face, we need a plan and framework to guide us. Here’s my approach for living in confinement to still feel like myself. I call it, the 3 R’s for Thriving During Corona Virus Times.  

1. Resources (Inner):

We need to take care of ourselves, so that we have the energy and positive mind frame to feel capable of handling the new stresses in our life, and to be there for the people who are relying on us. This means paying attention to our needs physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Ask yourself, when can I steal even thirty minutes for me?  The beginning or end of the day are good times to carve out for yourself. Here are some things I do that enable me to feel inwardly balanced.

• Physically: It’s really important to get exercise. Most of us had exercise routines before the coronavirus, and we know what a stress reliever it is and how good it makes us feel mentally and emotionally. I did Jazzercize and Pilates and both programs have offered me online options that I’m taking advantage of.  Here’s one link to many free online options.

Get outside in the sun and fresh air daily, even for 15 minutes. Being in nature is so healing. My husband and I have begun sitting on our front stoop watching the sunset and enjoying the robins, wrens, and rabbits that make their home in the huge pine tree on our front lawn. In the 17 years we’ve lived in our home, we never knew we had such wonderful natural entertainment!

•   Mentally/Emotionally:  Our mind and emotions go hand in hand. Aside from reading, watching TV series’, and doing puzzles of some kind (my husband and I are doing jigsaw puzzles, a first since we’re married), there’s two biggies I do that nourish my mind and heart.

First, I have a daily gratitude practice. Focusing on all the good things we still do have in our life lifts our spirits. Research has shown not only does gratitude reduce stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma. I give thanks now for having my safe comfortable home to live in, running water, the technology to stay connected with loved ones, the greenness of nature.

Second, I use positive self-talk. Throughout my day I applaud myself for efforts, “You put makeup on today to feel like yourself. I’m proud of you.” And I speak kindly to myself for screw-up’s, “It’s OK you went into fear mode again. It’s understandable after listening to the news.” If you can master these two practices during these extreme times, they can literally transform your life when things return to ‘normal’.

• Spiritually: A meditation practice trains our mind and emotions to not be reactive, and enables us to be more present-moment-focused (which can help us not get caught in gloomy future thoughts.) Research says meditation is a natural stress stabilizer and increases happiness. Who doesn’t want more of that now! I use the Insight Timer to meditate. I love it because there’s guided meditation, music and a timer to set my own background sounds. It gives me a structure and even rewards me with stars for every 10 days meditating. I’ve meditated 340 days in a row and I’m proud of it!

2. Routines:

A very comforting article I read at the start of our quarantine was by Scott Kelly, the astronaut. He gave tips for living in isolation, as he did in space for a year. The first on his list was routines. Before our homebound life we had a routine that gave us order and a sense of control. Though we know how important routines are we may not have consciously created one yet. Creating a routine will help everyone in your family live better in the new normal. I follow most of the same schedule as before, except now when I would have met friends for lunch or dinner, I call, Face Time, or Zoom to feel like we’re together. Which leads me to…

3. Relationships:

The focus of my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good is how to form and maintain the kind of strong, healthy relationships that lead to a happy, fulfilling life. Through personal stories and research I show readers that when we look with eyes for the best in others and are generous enough to tell them, we bring a flow of love and care to our relationships that brings the joy and connection we all are looking for.

Though we can’t be physically with most of our family and friends, we can reach out to them and let them know how much they mean to us. I’ve committed to doing just that. Each day I speak to 3 people and before the conversation is over, I tell them something I love or appreciate about them and how much our relationship means to me.

The other day my son, Theo’s best friend, Wes, was helping me (via Face Time and computer sharing) learn to send group emails on my book. I said to him, “I can’t thank you enough for pointing out to me that I really am getting how to do this. You are such a wonderful teacher. You patiently explained how the program works and had me practice the skills myself. Not only am I grateful Theo has you, I’m so lucky to have you, too!” Wes, affirmed me back, and we shared a moment of heart-warming connection. Though being affirmed back feels wonderful, each time I affirm someone I feel the love.

Why not consciously take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

Why not be sure to have daily and weekly routines?

And finally, Why not reach out to your loved ones and everyone in your life to share the love?

Wishing you and your loved ones health, safety, and a positive mindset to create moments of joy!

Develop This One Habit to Extend Your Life

What would you say if I told you eating well, genetics, and exercise are not the greatest predictors of how you’ll grow old? That’s right.

An exciting 80 year study, conducted by Harvard researchers reveals the surprising secret to a long happy life. Following 724 men of all different walks of life—from college age throughout the course of their whole life, they found that quality RELATIONSHIPS were the single greatest predictor of aging well.

“Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier,” says Robert Waldinger, director of the study. “It wasn’t their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.”

I highly recommend Waldinger’s twelve minute TED talk “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness.” It’s been viewed over 30,000,000 times, if that’s any indicator of the interest in the study’s findings!

Harvard Study Supports The Affirming Way of Life

I of course, got excited about this information because it supports my essential message in The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good: our relationships are precious. When we nurture them with heartfelt sincere praise and appreciation, we feel closer and more connected. And now we know, not only does it make us feel more fulfilled emotionally and spiritually, it extends our physical lives, too! 

So I ask you, how are you tending your precious relationships? Do you pause each day to take in and appreciate something about those you’re closest to? Do you then take a moment and tell the person the good you notice and feel?

I totally understand that when you read this, you think to yourself, I should do that. It’s a good idea. And then you don’t. Why not? Maybe it’s because we’re all flooded with so much input: responsibilities, angst over the news, health concerns, family worries, we’re tired… that we just don’t think of it.

Make it a Habit

Here’s my suggestion: Make affirming a habit.

Let me tell you how I made it a habit. As I was writing The Affirming Way of Life, I realized not only was I not appreciating my husband, I was actually taking him for granted. Rather than noticing the good he did and the warmth and kindness he brought into my life, my focus was on the things he didn’t do. My wake-up call came when he said to me, “You always have positive things to say about the people you work with, but I don’t hear a word of appreciation about me.”

Whoa! My affirmer-self felt ashamed. He was right. I began by affirming him regularly for one thing—doing the dishes. “Thanks honey. I so appreciate you washing the dishes. I feel calmer when the kitchen is clean.” My affirmations expanded to appreciating him for listening, for considering my feelings…for many of his substantial actions and ways of being.

The more I affirmed Gus, the more he affirmed me, and a more loving vibe began flowing between us. This experience showed me how necessary affirming is to nurturing the love and joy in our relationship. So my tips are:

• Commit to affirming your dearest loved one(s) daily. Consider it like brushing your teeth, necessary for your well-being.

• Pause and ask yourself: What do I appreciate or admire about my person today or in general? How does my person impact my life?

• Affirm your person specifically and sincerely. When we are specific, we give the person something to repeat to themselves to build their inner good feelings. When we’re sincere, our words go from our heart to theirs. We nurture warmth that deepens the love and joy in our relationships and even extends our longevity.

Why not extend your life by regularly affirming the precious people in your life—starting today!