Radiate Positivity: Your Influence is Greater than You Realize

Two months ago my baby cousin, Debbie died. I say baby because I am the oldest in our family and she was eleven years younger than me. She died under two months of turning 60 from a nasty cancer, multiple myeloma. I wanted to honor her life in some way because she was my angel cousin and fought with every fiber of her being to win her battle against cancer. Despite fear, worry and pain she kept showing up with the best attitude she could summon. And then it hit me! Amidst her struggles she sent me uplifting gifs (messages on pretty backgrounds) for me to share to inspire others. When I looked back on our texts, I discovered she sent me 68 inspirational quotes from 2020 to 2022! To honor Debbie, I decided to post one a day on Facebook for 68 days. Day 17 struck me as a message to explore. On a background looking like sun rays it read: RADIATE POSITIVITY.  

I asked myself what is the underlying importance of radiating positivity? The underpinnings of it are the strongest motivating force in my life. Something we don’t usually give thought to.

You Influence Far More than You May Fathom

Maybe it was growing up in an extended family where words could wound or make you glow. Maybe it was appreciating and striving to be like the positive role models in my life. And maybe it was being a teacher and mother and seeing the evidence right in front of my eyes. How my recognition of children’s strengths helped them move through their lives more confidently. I realized my thoughts, words and actions had impact.

Each of us have impact, whether we realize it or not. As poet Mary Oliver says in her inspiring line, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Choice. It’s such a big thing. As a growing developing person, we each choose personal aspirations. Dreams and goals we wish to actualize. But there’s more. We are part of communities. Communities that start with our family. Our neighbors. Our friends. Our co-workers. Strangers. How do we want to use our one wild and precious life as a person who influences everyone we come in contact with?

Radiate Positivity

My cousin Debbie would say, “Radiate Positivity.” Such a simple thing that we are in great need of right now in our country and world. We can be a source of uplift wherever we are with a smile. When I do my morning walks and I see someone across the street I make eye contact and smile. I feel gratified when I see my smile spread to their face as well. A simple thing like a smile makes us feel connected and less alone. It radiates positivity.

Taking the opportunity to uplift a step further, our words have such an impact on others. My husband, Gus is taking an art class pursuing a hobby he’s long been interested in. He brings home a canvas of a lake scene in lovely blues, and yellows and greens. I comment on how his trees are reflected so well in the water. How the shading of the grasses gives dimensionality. He beams. I speak my words to encourage and flame his passion. Our dear friends Ira and Diane are moving across the country. When we have a going away dinner for them, in a toast I affirm them as a couple and as individuals to let them know how much they are valued. Everyone else chimes in and the good feelings are palpable in the laughter and smiles. Expressed feelings radiates positivity.

How much better our world would be if we each recognized the gift of our humanity to be a positive influence in the world. I will tell you each time I make someone’s day with an affirming word, a smile, letting someone in my traffic lane, lending a caring listening ear, I feel happier and more worthwhile.

It’s never too late to be a positive influence. It’s a choice we get to make in every present moment we’re in the company of others. So I say choose to radiate positivity! Our world needs it now desperately!

Your Takeaways

1.     Every morning and every interaction is an opportunity to set an intention to choose to be a positive influence and radiate positivity.

2.     Before you speak or act get into the habit of asking yourself, will this statement add to or take away from the person?

3.     A smile, a positive thought, a kind action spreads positive energy.

4.     Recognizing our positive impact in the world also reminds us our life has value.

5.     To immerse yourself in the mindset of radiating positivity I encourage you to read my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good. I wrote it as my legacy to help others find greater love and joy in their relationships by sharing their positive thoughts and feelings more freely.

With Thanksgiving around the corner, why not choose to use your one wild and precious life to radiate positivity to your loved ones and all!

If you know someone who could benefit from this blog please do share. Together we can radiate positivity!

Have You Been Shoulding on Yourself? A Fresh Perspective on How Your Words Affect You

We’re having a new closet system put into our walk-in closet next week. I just got so sick of seeing the piles of clothing on the floor, and the shelves overflowing to the ceiling, that I said, “Gail, make the investment!” In the process my husband Gus and I have given away at least 10 big black garbage bags of clothing and it feels so good! As we looked at item by item, I thought of Marie Kondo, the famed declutterer, and her simple statement “Does it spark joy?” It was just so clear which clothes didn’t bring us good energy.

Clothes shedding made me think of another purge I’ve been engaged in, inwardly. The purge of words. A while back I read a book, in which a particular idea stuck with me—our words create our reality. I’ve pondered this quite a bit. The words we use to describe ourselves, our home, our loved ones, our work, our health… shape how we see our life, and what’s more how we live our life.

How Our Words Create Our Reality

I know this is true when I think about how specific words I say make me feel. One of my debilitating words is, “It’s hard for me to do.” That is my old go-to statement I make when I’m learning something new that’s challenging me. When I say it’s hard, I feel like a helpless child or a limp ragdoll. It literally drains me of all the strength and motivation I need for my challenge.

Research says, words resonate in our body as thoughts do. When we use a word, we’re in effect ingesting them into our system. Like food, our words can nourish or poison us. In a sense our words become our biology and affect us mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

My word purge began organically with a simple verb—SHOULD.  When I hear myself say things like, “I should exercise…,” “I should get off the phone…,” “I should go to bed by 9:45…,” “I should make dinner…” I feel drained and almost like a child having a tantrum beating their fists on the floor screaming, “but I don’t want to!”  Should is a word that summons guilt. It reminds us of the commitments we are trying to keep to ourselves, but that we just don’t feel like doing in the moment! Isn’t that so true of so many of our best habits. We know our habits are good for us, or necessary to be good to our loved ones, but we don’t always feel the motivation to do them.

From this perspective should guides us to do healthy positive behaviors. The problem is it’s like a parent with the best intentions, who criticizes their child to motivate them to be their best selves. The child ends up feeling bad about themselves and may even do the opposite. Guilt drains our energy. Which may make it even harder to act on our good intentions. And as neuroscience explains, when we feel the emotion of guilt it triggers a well-worn path in our brains of other experiences of guilt, flooding us with disempowering thoughts and memories.

Here's an alternative to should and guilt. When you hear yourself say, I should…, stop yourself in your tracks, and say, I get to… or I want to… or I will. Here’s what it would sound like:

·       I get to exercise…

·       I want to go to bed by 9:45…

·       I will make dinner…

These alternative phrases remind you of the privilege and opportunity it is to do the things you care about and are committed to even when you don’t feel like it. It’s a positive internal shift of perspective on our commitments to ourselves and our dear ones.

For me it’s a wonderful empowering shake-up. Yes, Gail, how lucky you are to get to exercise. You have the time, the health, it energizes you, and keeps your weight in check! Try it and see for yourself.

Your Takeaways

1.     Notice the energy zapping word you want to replace. Besides should, it might be have to, must, ought to.

2.     Play a game with yourself and each time you hear your disempowering word in your spoken or inner language, stop it in its tracks! You might say to it, STOP, don’t go there!

3.     Replace your energy zapping word with an empowering word, like I get to, I want to, or I will.

4.     Recognize you’re reprogramming your mind, body, emotions and spirit by a word choice that opens positive energy to flow through you.

WHY NOT take control of your well-being with a healthy word choice diet!

I have a small request. If you read my blog and enjoy any part of it, could you send me a comment? One line would be fine! I write with the intent to support you and all my readers in living your most positive healthy life. I’d love to know if I’m making a difference. Thanks much, I so appreciate you are out there and we are connected in beinging our best and spreading the best in our world together!

Seeing The Bigger Picture: How to Access it When You Mess Up

Can you think back to a time when you messed up bad on something that you committed a lot of time and care to? Something really important to you.

Well, I recently messed up big time and I’m hoping my story will give you the gift it gave me. My mess up has to do with myself alone, and yours may even have to do with other people, but the wisdom to be had applies either way.  

I forgot to meditate! Big deal you might say. But I forgot to meditate after meditating for 1195 days in a row! That’s 3 and 1/3 years in a row! It might not sound earth shattering in the big picture of life, but my back story will show you why it means so much to me.

I had meditated frustratedly on and off over the past 40 years never with any consistency. It was using the Insight Timer Meditation app that supported me in building my habit. The Timer tracks our daily meditation. For every 10 days in a row, you get a star. The teacher in me loves the stars (I’m being honest), and the competitive part of me saw that many other meditators on the app were consistent, so I was going to be consistent, too! Before this mess up, I had meditated 230 days in a row and missed it at the stroke of 12:01 AM on vacation! I was determined to never let that happen again. And I didn’t for 3 and ½ years till…NOW.

See the Big Picture

“Gus I’m in shock! I didn’t meditate yesterday!” I sinkingly announced staring at the #1 on top of my app meditation tracking screen.

“I’m so sorry, honey. I know how much your record means to you. What happened?”

“I guess I was so tired rushing to my 8:00 AM zoom meeting followed by coaching right afterwards, that it didn’t register that I hadn’t meditated.”

Ever the man of wisdom and perspective, Gus reminded me, “It’s more than the numbers. Think of all the good things you got meditating those 3 plus years.”

That was exactly what I needed to hear to shift out of my despair. God bless that husband of mine!

Though I felt the blame game bubbling to the surface, ready to blame myself …the zoom meeting group… my client, I stopped those useless feeling in their tracks. It’s OK Gailie. You’ve done your darndest to be consistent, I whispered to myself gently and empathically. Then I reflected on my husband’s brilliant, simple reminder: What’s most important here?

Though I’ve been so proud of my ever-growing consistent habit, it’s the benefits of the habit that matter most. When challenged with a major disappointment, meditation has supported me in not overreacting and speaking kindly to myself as I would to anyone else.

My calamity inspires me to shift to BIG PICTURE insight. Though my dear record is broken, I still have a continuing record of 1576 days and 180 stars to be proud of. Oh, the ways we’re prodded to think out of the box to feel better!

How about you? What have you messed up on lately? Something you said that caused a rift in a relationship? Some bad judgment on a decision? Not taking an action you wish you had? Here’s some takeaways to help you gain perspective to keep moving forward.

Your Takeaways

1.     Forgive yourself for messing up and being human. When we do something that disappoints ourselves or another person, the first step that’s key is to forgive. To err is human. Judgment and blame zap our energy from taking a next positive step.

2.     Speak with empathy and kindness to yourself. We have a continuous inner dialogue going on. The way we speak to ourselves impacts if we spiral out of control with negativity or stop the disappointment in its tracks. Speak to yourself  with the kindness and comfort you would give a child or your dearest loved one.

3.     Reframe negative thoughts about your mess-up. This is a coaching perspective. When our negative feelings begin to spiral, we tend to develop black and white thinking. It’s all bad. That is viewing your situation from a limited perspective. A reframe is seeing the positive that exists amidst the disappointment or challenge. In my case I reframed the thought, I ruined my meditating record, to I still have the daily habit and I know I have a total of 1576 days and counting.

4.     See the big picture. When you recognize a definite mess up, ask yourself what’s most important here? Or What matters most? Or What can I learn from this situation? These questions help us shift from our emotions to our higher self-perspective, where our wisdom lies. Seeing the bigger picture enables us to look  to the future and see the possibilities to take positive action.

5.     Make amends. If your mess-up involved another person, once you’ve gotten perspective on your part in causing the hurt or misunderstanding, take responsibility, own what you did, and if appropriate say you’re sorry.

Each of these steps are about moving forward in a positive direction.

What better support to see the bigger picture than The Serenity Prayer.

“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

Would you like some help seeing the bigger perspective? Contact me for a free 1-hour coaching session to help you begin the process of accepting mess-ups and your humanity. gail@uppcoach.com That stands for Unleash Your Positive Possibilities. Check out my website as well, www.uppcoach.com