We’re having a new closet system put into our walk-in closet next week. I just got so sick of seeing the piles of clothing on the floor, and the shelves overflowing to the ceiling, that I said, “Gail, make the investment!” In the process my husband Gus and I have given away at least 10 big black garbage bags of clothing and it feels so good! As we looked at item by item, I thought of Marie Kondo, the famed declutterer, and her simple statement “Does it spark joy?” It was just so clear which clothes didn’t bring us good energy.
Clothes shedding made me think of another purge I’ve been engaged in, inwardly. The purge of words. A while back I read a book, in which a particular idea stuck with me—our words create our reality. I’ve pondered this quite a bit. The words we use to describe ourselves, our home, our loved ones, our work, our health… shape how we see our life, and what’s more how we live our life.
How Our Words Create Our Reality
I know this is true when I think about how specific words I say make me feel. One of my debilitating words is, “It’s hard for me to do.” That is my old go-to statement I make when I’m learning something new that’s challenging me. When I say it’s hard, I feel like a helpless child or a limp ragdoll. It literally drains me of all the strength and motivation I need for my challenge.
Research says, words resonate in our body as thoughts do. When we use a word, we’re in effect ingesting them into our system. Like food, our words can nourish or poison us. In a sense our words become our biology and affect us mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My word purge began organically with a simple verb—SHOULD. When I hear myself say things like, “I should exercise…,” “I should get off the phone…,” “I should go to bed by 9:45…,” “I should make dinner…” I feel drained and almost like a child having a tantrum beating their fists on the floor screaming, “but I don’t want to!” Should is a word that summons guilt. It reminds us of the commitments we are trying to keep to ourselves, but that we just don’t feel like doing in the moment! Isn’t that so true of so many of our best habits. We know our habits are good for us, or necessary to be good to our loved ones, but we don’t always feel the motivation to do them.
From this perspective should guides us to do healthy positive behaviors. The problem is it’s like a parent with the best intentions, who criticizes their child to motivate them to be their best selves. The child ends up feeling bad about themselves and may even do the opposite. Guilt drains our energy. Which may make it even harder to act on our good intentions. And as neuroscience explains, when we feel the emotion of guilt it triggers a well-worn path in our brains of other experiences of guilt, flooding us with disempowering thoughts and memories.
Here's an alternative to should and guilt. When you hear yourself say, I should…, stop yourself in your tracks, and say, I get to… or I want to… or I will. Here’s what it would sound like:
· I get to exercise…
· I want to go to bed by 9:45…
· I will make dinner…
These alternative phrases remind you of the privilege and opportunity it is to do the things you care about and are committed to even when you don’t feel like it. It’s a positive internal shift of perspective on our commitments to ourselves and our dear ones.
For me it’s a wonderful empowering shake-up. Yes, Gail, how lucky you are to get to exercise. You have the time, the health, it energizes you, and keeps your weight in check! Try it and see for yourself.
Your Takeaways
1. Notice the energy zapping word you want to replace. Besides should, it might be have to, must, ought to.
2. Play a game with yourself and each time you hear your disempowering word in your spoken or inner language, stop it in its tracks! You might say to it, STOP, don’t go there!
3. Replace your energy zapping word with an empowering word, like I get to, I want to, or I will.
4. Recognize you’re reprogramming your mind, body, emotions and spirit by a word choice that opens positive energy to flow through you.
WHY NOT take control of your well-being with a healthy word choice diet!
I have a small request. If you read my blog and enjoy any part of it, could you send me a comment? One line would be fine! I write with the intent to support you and all my readers in living your most positive healthy life. I’d love to know if I’m making a difference. Thanks much, I so appreciate you are out there and we are connected in beinging our best and spreading the best in our world together!
