Seeing The Bigger Picture: How to Access it When You Mess Up

Can you think back to a time when you messed up bad on something that you committed a lot of time and care to? Something really important to you.

Well, I recently messed up big time and I’m hoping my story will give you the gift it gave me. My mess up has to do with myself alone, and yours may even have to do with other people, but the wisdom to be had applies either way.  

I forgot to meditate! Big deal you might say. But I forgot to meditate after meditating for 1195 days in a row! That’s 3 and 1/3 years in a row! It might not sound earth shattering in the big picture of life, but my back story will show you why it means so much to me.

I had meditated frustratedly on and off over the past 40 years never with any consistency. It was using the Insight Timer Meditation app that supported me in building my habit. The Timer tracks our daily meditation. For every 10 days in a row, you get a star. The teacher in me loves the stars (I’m being honest), and the competitive part of me saw that many other meditators on the app were consistent, so I was going to be consistent, too! Before this mess up, I had meditated 230 days in a row and missed it at the stroke of 12:01 AM on vacation! I was determined to never let that happen again. And I didn’t for 3 and ½ years till…NOW.

See the Big Picture

“Gus I’m in shock! I didn’t meditate yesterday!” I sinkingly announced staring at the #1 on top of my app meditation tracking screen.

“I’m so sorry, honey. I know how much your record means to you. What happened?”

“I guess I was so tired rushing to my 8:00 AM zoom meeting followed by coaching right afterwards, that it didn’t register that I hadn’t meditated.”

Ever the man of wisdom and perspective, Gus reminded me, “It’s more than the numbers. Think of all the good things you got meditating those 3 plus years.”

That was exactly what I needed to hear to shift out of my despair. God bless that husband of mine!

Though I felt the blame game bubbling to the surface, ready to blame myself …the zoom meeting group… my client, I stopped those useless feeling in their tracks. It’s OK Gailie. You’ve done your darndest to be consistent, I whispered to myself gently and empathically. Then I reflected on my husband’s brilliant, simple reminder: What’s most important here?

Though I’ve been so proud of my ever-growing consistent habit, it’s the benefits of the habit that matter most. When challenged with a major disappointment, meditation has supported me in not overreacting and speaking kindly to myself as I would to anyone else.

My calamity inspires me to shift to BIG PICTURE insight. Though my dear record is broken, I still have a continuing record of 1576 days and 180 stars to be proud of. Oh, the ways we’re prodded to think out of the box to feel better!

How about you? What have you messed up on lately? Something you said that caused a rift in a relationship? Some bad judgment on a decision? Not taking an action you wish you had? Here’s some takeaways to help you gain perspective to keep moving forward.

Your Takeaways

1.     Forgive yourself for messing up and being human. When we do something that disappoints ourselves or another person, the first step that’s key is to forgive. To err is human. Judgment and blame zap our energy from taking a next positive step.

2.     Speak with empathy and kindness to yourself. We have a continuous inner dialogue going on. The way we speak to ourselves impacts if we spiral out of control with negativity or stop the disappointment in its tracks. Speak to yourself  with the kindness and comfort you would give a child or your dearest loved one.

3.     Reframe negative thoughts about your mess-up. This is a coaching perspective. When our negative feelings begin to spiral, we tend to develop black and white thinking. It’s all bad. That is viewing your situation from a limited perspective. A reframe is seeing the positive that exists amidst the disappointment or challenge. In my case I reframed the thought, I ruined my meditating record, to I still have the daily habit and I know I have a total of 1576 days and counting.

4.     See the big picture. When you recognize a definite mess up, ask yourself what’s most important here? Or What matters most? Or What can I learn from this situation? These questions help us shift from our emotions to our higher self-perspective, where our wisdom lies. Seeing the bigger picture enables us to look  to the future and see the possibilities to take positive action.

5.     Make amends. If your mess-up involved another person, once you’ve gotten perspective on your part in causing the hurt or misunderstanding, take responsibility, own what you did, and if appropriate say you’re sorry.

Each of these steps are about moving forward in a positive direction.

What better support to see the bigger picture than The Serenity Prayer.

“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

Would you like some help seeing the bigger perspective? Contact me for a free 1-hour coaching session to help you begin the process of accepting mess-ups and your humanity. gail@uppcoach.com That stands for Unleash Your Positive Possibilities. Check out my website as well, www.uppcoach.com

Seeing the Sea: What it Means to You and Me

So many of us flock to the ocean in the summer. What do you think about when you look out at the ocean? Cooling off? Relaxation? A summer state of mind? How does being by the ocean impact you?

I pondered just that, when my sister Lois and I had a precious beach getaway in Spring Lake. On a warm and windy June day, we sat peacefully in our beach chairs staring out at the endless expanse of ocean. “When you gaze at the ocean what does it make you think about?” I asked Lois.

“For me, it’s no limits to good energy and good possibilities. The ocean goes in and goes out. The more good you give the more good that comes back to you.” I saw a sense of peacefulness set in as my sweet sister reflected.

“Hmmm,” I contemplated her thoughts. “It makes me think of going beyond limits. Expanding our mind, heart, and beliefs to be open to one another and our own greater possibilities.”

We each saw limitlessness and positive possibilities. Just describing the oceans’ gifts to us made us feel blessed, grateful and oh so peaceful.

When I was home I asked the same question of some friends. Lynnie who ocean gazes at the Pacific said, “Land, sea and sky unite. What I’m looking at is being looked at by millions. I feel part of the community of humanity.” Jere said, “I see all possibilities from calm to stormy. I see the sparkle and beauty of the surface but what’s below is a mystery.”

Pondering the majesty of the ocean transported each of us. My curiosity was piqued. I wondered what science and psychologists had to say about the impact of ocean gazing on us humans.

The Ocean’s Good for Us Mentally, Emotionally, Physically and Spiritually

No surprise, right? Here’s the facts that gave me an aha moment:

·       Staring at the ocean changes our brain waves’ frequency and put us in a meditative state. (No effort meditating!)

·       Proximity to water releases feel good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. (No wonder we feel so relaxed and happy by the sea or any body of water.)

·       The sound of waves activates our parasympathetic nervous system which slows down the brain and promotes relaxation. (A triple dose of inner calm!)

·       The color blue is associated with feelings of calm and peace. (Ahhhh)

·       Sitting by the ocean is a break from work and activity. It gives us time to contemplate (as me and my dear ones did) and start looking at life from a larger more positive perspective.

I hope I’ve inspired you to make time to do some ocean gazing.  It can make you feel more relaxed and enlivened on every level of your being and help you put things in perspective. Wishing you a great rest of your summer!

Want to make the ocean-state-of-mind your everyday reality? Contact me for a free September coaching session to explore how. gail@uppcoach.com Check out my website for more info on coaching www.uppcoach.com

Meditation and the Affirming Way of Life

When I awoke in the middle of the night and meditated to fall back to sleep, you, dear reader came to mind and I wondered: Do you ever have difficulty seeing the good in others to affirm them? Do you curse at and get irritated at drivers on the road (or drive with someone who does?) Even if your answer was no, the practice I’m sharing with you is a game-changer.

I use a meditation app called, Insight Timer. I am wild about it. Because it offers such a variety of assists to meditate from guided meditations, to music, to a timer with lovely nature sounds, to groups to join with people around the globe—I have been meditating for 551 total days, 171 consecutively, totaling 7.9 thousand minutes—it tracks me and rewards me with stars (making the teacher in me happy!) I mention this as an entrée to the meditation I listened to last night.

I fell back to sleep listening to the voice of Sharon Salzberg, reknowned meditation teacher, lead her signature Loving-Kindness meditation. She had us repeat to ourselves a version of the following:

May I be safe,

May I be happy,

May I be healthy, and

May I live with ease.

Then she guided us to repeat the same phrases thinking of a stranger; then with a person you have some discord with, and finally with a person you love or care for.  Research says, repeating these phrases slowly and calmly and feeling good energy as you recite them, contributes to feelings of self-love, empathy, understanding, and kindness. And Sharon says, by repeating these phrases “over and over again, this is who you become.”

Loving-Kindness Meditation and The Affirming Mindset

So, you may be asking, how does this connect to the affirming mindset? Affirming begins with looking for the good in others, which can be difficult. I have used the Loving-Kindness meditation for years and it definitely has supported my feelings of positivity toward others. When I’m out in the world I repeat these phrases to send good energy to strangers. I send it to all the people driving on the highway; as I enter my neighborhood I imagine the good will of the phrases going to my neighbors; in the grocery store I send it to the employees and shoppers. Of course I don’t do it all the time, but by sending good will to others in our free thinking moments, it builds a mindset of our common humanity, the bonus of which is positive feelings towards others. Most importantly, focusing on the good in all people can transfer to noticing more of the good in those who matter most to us!

Here’s a great article from Mindful magazine if you’d like to read Sharon Salzberg’s thoughts on Loving-Kindness: “Why Loving-Kindness Takes Time,” https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-takes-time-sharon-salzberg/.

Your Takeaways

• Repeat the Loving-Kindness phrases as a ritual to create more peaceful feelings in yourself and towards others. It only takes about 5 min.

• Send good energy to others when you’re out in the world as a gift of good will. You will become a force for good which I promise will boomerang back to you.

• Consider developing the meditation habit. There are many good apps out there, Insight Timer is one of them. Guided meditation is easy, relaxing, can take mere minutes, and builds inner peace making it easier to see the good in the people in your life.

• Keep looking for the good in your dear ones and all people and then express it!

Why Not practice loving-kindness as a gift to yourself and your gift to the world!