Seeing the Sea: What it Means to You and Me

So many of us flock to the ocean in the summer. What do you think about when you look out at the ocean? Cooling off? Relaxation? A summer state of mind? How does being by the ocean impact you?

I pondered just that, when my sister Lois and I had a precious beach getaway in Spring Lake. On a warm and windy June day, we sat peacefully in our beach chairs staring out at the endless expanse of ocean. “When you gaze at the ocean what does it make you think about?” I asked Lois.

“For me, it’s no limits to good energy and good possibilities. The ocean goes in and goes out. The more good you give the more good that comes back to you.” I saw a sense of peacefulness set in as my sweet sister reflected.

“Hmmm,” I contemplated her thoughts. “It makes me think of going beyond limits. Expanding our mind, heart, and beliefs to be open to one another and our own greater possibilities.”

We each saw limitlessness and positive possibilities. Just describing the oceans’ gifts to us made us feel blessed, grateful and oh so peaceful.

When I was home I asked the same question of some friends. Lynnie who ocean gazes at the Pacific said, “Land, sea and sky unite. What I’m looking at is being looked at by millions. I feel part of the community of humanity.” Jere said, “I see all possibilities from calm to stormy. I see the sparkle and beauty of the surface but what’s below is a mystery.”

Pondering the majesty of the ocean transported each of us. My curiosity was piqued. I wondered what science and psychologists had to say about the impact of ocean gazing on us humans.

The Ocean’s Good for Us Mentally, Emotionally, Physically and Spiritually

No surprise, right? Here’s the facts that gave me an aha moment:

·       Staring at the ocean changes our brain waves’ frequency and put us in a meditative state. (No effort meditating!)

·       Proximity to water releases feel good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. (No wonder we feel so relaxed and happy by the sea or any body of water.)

·       The sound of waves activates our parasympathetic nervous system which slows down the brain and promotes relaxation. (A triple dose of inner calm!)

·       The color blue is associated with feelings of calm and peace. (Ahhhh)

·       Sitting by the ocean is a break from work and activity. It gives us time to contemplate (as me and my dear ones did) and start looking at life from a larger more positive perspective.

I hope I’ve inspired you to make time to do some ocean gazing.  It can make you feel more relaxed and enlivened on every level of your being and help you put things in perspective. Wishing you a great rest of your summer!

Want to make the ocean-state-of-mind your everyday reality? Contact me for a free September coaching session to explore how. gail@uppcoach.com Check out my website for more info on coaching www.uppcoach.com

Thanksgiving Month: A Way to Celebrate the Goodness

There’s no better time than Thanksgiving month to open our hearts and minds to the gift of gratitude. Yes, gratitude is the simple key to celebrate all the good that we just haven’t had eyes to see. It’s even more inviting to explore gratitude when you learn from the Harvard Medical School Bulletin that gratitude is consistently associated with greater happiness, improved health, stronger relationships, and the ability to deal with adversity.

Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether materially or emotionally. When grateful, we recognize the goodness we are receiving comes from outside ourselves. It may be from nature, a higher power, or other people. Each of these sources are essential. But for Thanksgiving month I want to focus on gratitude for other people.

What would our lives be without the people that love and accept us as we are? Their care and support are what sustain us. But how often do we pause to appreciate how much the people in our lives mean to us?

A Personal Story About Appreciating Our People

Recently, I had a big birthday. Frankly the number wowed me! I thought how can I be that old? Reaching this age (aren’t you curious what it is) I wanted to gather all the people I consider my tribe together to celebrate with me. Unfortunately, because of Covid, I limited the party to 30, outdoors on my deck. Acknowledging milestones with words has always been important to me, so for weeks leading up to the party I reflected on the people I invited and how much they meant to me and helped shape my life. 

I call my husband, my sister, and my son—my triumvirate. They are my people who see my strengths and affirm me for them. They make me feel good about being myself and accept my less than stellar traits. They encourage me when I’m reaching for a goal and make me feel loved and appreciated. So, I said exactly that to each of them personally then publicly at my party.

Not everyone is comfortable expressing their appreciation to others. Here’s how I said it to my husband as an example: “Honey, on turning ___, I paused to reflect on my gifts, and you were right there at the top. I’m so grateful for the way you love me and appreciate me just for being me. I feel so supported by your encouragement with my goals. I am blessed with you.”  Any one of the statements I made would be enough.

Reflecting on the goodness my extended family and friends bring to my life, I realize they are each a positive influence and support me in creating a life I love. My cousins are models of family devotion and raising kids well. My friends have inspired me to write my book, travel, enjoy theatre, love outdoor adventures, be a good listener and communicator, be assertive and strong, have a good marriage, and they too make me feel loved and valued. So, at my party, I thanked them all with a grateful heart. Joy abounded.

Appreciation, A Gift to the Giver and the Receiver

Pausing to appreciate the people who most touch our life begins as a gift for ourselves. When I reflected on the goodness my family and friends brought into my life, I felt mightily blessed. How often do we stop and appreciate the difference someone makes in our life? Not very often for most of us. We’re too busy living and managing responsibilities or mulling over grievances in our minds. We’re human.  A grateful pause gets us to stop and savor the good ways others affect us that often go unnoticed and unacknowledged.

When we express our discovered appreciation the gift quadruples. You now get to be the conveyer of a gift more precious than jewelry or some new tech item. Appreciative words say to the receiver, you matter. Your life has value to me. Our words become a gift they can hold within their heart and repeat to themselves when they need a little uplift. But there’s further benefits for you! As you express your appreciation, you re-experience the joy of the goodness they bring and over time continuing to express appreciation makes your relationship warmer and closer. I can vouch for what I’m saying!

My November Tips for You

Appreciate two people to make it doable.

1.     Choose a person you see every day or often and reflect on the goodness they bring into your life. Do they do things that make your life easier? Do they uplift you with their humor or positivity? Do you feel valued by them? Can you count on them? Are they comforting or make you feel secure? Do you have fun with them? Take in the good they bring whatever it is and be bold and tell them. Savor the joy of sharing your appreciation.

2.     Choose another person that you might not see often that has had an important impact on your life. Take in the goodness they’ve brought then call, email, send a card, or visit and share your appreciation.

I’m hoping taking the grateful pause and expressing appreciation feels so good that it becomes a part of your life. There’s so much to be grateful for—this month choose people. Wishing you and your family health and happiness and grateful time together this Thanksgiving.

I want to hear from you! How has appreciating a loved one or a person who’s made a difference in your life touched your heart?

The Affirming Way of Life is a perfect Thanksgiving gift to let someone know how much you appreciate them!

5 Tips for Growing the Love in Your Relationship

“Don’t assume your partner knows all the ways that you love them. Sometimes they need to hear it! Loving out loud can build a healthy relationship..”

— John and Julie Gottman

I may be putting you on the spot, but have you in the past week told your partner how much they mean to you? I’m thinking of something from the heart like, “Knowing you’re there for me makes me feel so lucky and cared for.” Or a maybe a bit milder like, “I appreciate the way you put up with my meltdown the other day.”

If your answer is no, you’re not alone. Most of us assume our significant other knows how we feel about them so it’s not necessary to express our love or appreciation. Not true! Relationship experts John and Julie Gottman of the Gottman Institute say, “Don’t assume your partner knows all the ways that you love them. Sometimes they need to hear it! Loving out loud can build a healthy relationship.”

I can vouch for the Gottmans’ advice. Consciously choosing to shower my husband Gus with the positives I appreciate about him, rekindled our love and our relationship. If you’ve read my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, you know the story I tell in chapter one on how guilty I was of taking him for granted. We all do that from time to time or even more. Here are five simple tips to get you started creating more loving feelings in your relationship. And the beauty is these tips can get the love flowing with any special person in your life.

Five Tips for Growing the Love in Your Relationship

1.      Look with eyes that see the good. It’s so easy to focus on what’s missing with our loved one, rather than the good that’s there. Try making an intentional mindshift—notice the positives in your partner. My husband, Gus often empties the dishwasher, but leaves at least a quarter of it on the counter for me to put away. I feel the words brewing, How could you not know where these things go? You’re just making more work for me. But I immediately shift to positive thinking, I so appreciate that he empties the dishwasher. I hate doing it. I can count on him. So I say, “Thanks honey I really appreciate you emptying the dishwasher, it’s one of my least favorite jobs.” We share a warm moment.

2.      Express appreciation for who they are, not just what they do. Reflect on your partner’s characteristics that you admire and value. Our words about them shape their sense of self and impact the feel of our relationship. One of the things I appreciate most about Gus is how easy going he is. So I affirm him by saying, “I so appreciate that when I don’t feel like cooking you just say, ‘an omlet is fine.’ How lucky I am to have such an easy to please husband.”

3.      Be specific and sincere in your affirmations.  When we’re specific we give the other person something to hold onto. I’ve noticed when I would just say things like “You’re such a good husband or I love you,” Gus would ask, “Why?” I realize how important it is to be specific and of course to speak from the heart.

4.      Commit to affirm your significant other once a day. Like any good habit you want to develop, it takes repetition, commitment and practice. As you search daily for specific good things you can say to them, the good in them will become more of your focus. The most beautiful benefit is that in time your relationship will feel like the gift it can be!

5.      A Bonus: As you make a point of appreciating and affirming your partner, they may begin to do the same for you. It’s worked that way for us. Spread good energy in your relationship and you’ll find unexpected silver linings.

James Taylor is my favorite go-to artist when I want to get in a mellow, happy state of mind. He says it the best in his song, Shower the People:

Shower the people you love with love

Show them the way that you feel

Things are gonna work out fine

If you only will

 

Wishing you a wonderful month of showering the people you love with love! Please share this link now with someone who needs this message!

My book is available on Amazon.