2 Ways to Gather Positive Energy to Fulfill Your Goals in 2023

I am a New Years junkie. I get all excited with the opportunity for a fresh beginning. Most of us have goals we want to achieve; changes we want to make.  It’s our human nature to change and grow even if we’re not consciously aware of it. Working toward goals and making positive changes gives zest to our life. Goals like losing weight, exercising more, taking up a new hobby, doing a major project, connecting more with friends and family. The problem that many of us know too well with New Year’s resolutions, is that by the second or third week of January we’ve already given up on them. Why is that?

When I thought of writing this blog, my intention was to boost your positive energy around goal setting and goal fulfillment. I write for you what I need as well. Some goals are easier for us to make happen. Others we need extra confidence to tackle.

I have two simple practices to share that can help you jump start your 2023 with positive energy to support you in realizing your goals.

Practice #1 – Reflection on Your 2022 Accomplishments

Many of us accomplish much more than we realize. We make subtle positive changes we don’t even recognize. We’re so busy living, planning, and doing that we don’t usually pause and take stock of how successful our efforts have actually been. Pausing to reflect on our small and large accomplishments in 2022 can fuel our faith in ourselves that we can accomplish whatever it is we desire in this new year of positive possibilities. Here’s how I do it.

I open my journal to a fresh page and title it My Accomplishments in 2022. Any sheet of paper will do, or the computer, voice memo or notes on your phone, your choices for recording are unlimited.

I’m generous with myself about what I call an accomplishment. Developing a new positive habit (no matter how slight), ways I’ve helped others, fun experiences I’ve had, maintaining good habits, promises I’ve kept – basically any goal or change I’ve wanted to make.

Here’s some of mine that give me good energy:

·       I affirm and appreciate my husband, Gus daily to water our closeness with love

·       I don’t chastise myself for making mistakes anymore! (This one was huge. For all my positivity, I have an unrelenting inner critic.)

·       I consistently walk weekly with my friend Naomi and speak weekly to Lynnie in CA

·       I joined A Course in Miracles group of like-minded spiritual seekers and attend weekly meetings

·       I keep developing my coaching skills by reading books, took a course with Marcia Reynolds, and joined International Coaching Federation

·       I feel shy and awkward sharing in these groups but I do it anyway and have shared a lot more

·       I texted daily with my cousins and sister as support to our cousin Debbie who was battling cancer

·       I took a flamenco dance class for two semesters and was in a recital even though I felt inept

Looking over my list fuels faith in myself in regard to accomplishing personal goals. I can see I am making the people in my life a priority. That means a lot to me, because one of my goals for this new year is to reach out to people I think about but haven’t connected with in a long while.  

My other major goal for 2023 is developing my coaching/speaking practice to support others in being their strongest selves and creating their most love-filled lives. I have a lot of self-doubt around networking and marketing. Yet, seeing that I put myself out to join and participate in groups that matter to me, even though I was uncomfortable, boost my confidence that I can also get more comfortable marketing and networking. This is the gift of reflecting on the changes we’ve made that may be below our conscious awareness.

Practice #2 – Set Intentions

Once I’ve reflected on my growth in 2022, I write my major goal or intention on a notecard and post it where I will see it daily so that I saturate my consciousness with it. The goal statement is basically an affirmation that I write in the positive tense as though it’s already my reality. I include an uplifting feeling word to energize my faith in realizing my goal.

This is my intention/affirmation for 2023:

I feel so deeply gratified by my relationships and use my creative energies as a coach, speaker and writer to assist many open, motivated beings to live deeply fulfilling lives.

It is pinned to the drapes framing the window by my computer, taped to my bathroom mirror, and next to my bed.

There is amazing power to immersing your mind in repeating your goal/affirmation. Research shows that the subconscious believes whatever we feed it. As we repeatedly feed our subconscious our goal each time we gaze at our cards, we begin to feel as if it is already part of our life. We then are more inclined to take action to make it our reality. And, I have absolutely seen time and time again that the Universe supports us in lucky synchronicities to manifest our goal/affirmations.

Your Takeaways

1.     Do a reflection page on your accomplishments and personal changes in 2022. Write down every possible thing you can think of that you feel proud of. You will be amazed at all that you feel good energy about.  

2.     Review your list and reflect on what it confirms for you about your past success with your efforts. You may want to write a notecard as a reminder of the powers you bring to fulfilling this year’s goals.

3.     Create an intention/affirmation for your major goal in 2023. Include a feeling word that uplifts you and state it as if it’s already true beginning with the word I to own it.

4.     Write your intention/affirmation on an index card and post it in places you will read it daily. You are immersing your consciousness in believing whatever you want is possible.

5.     Act on your goal with ease and pleasure.

I would love to hear some of your accomplishments in 2022 that give you confidence and pride! We are in this together. I’d also love to hear what your goal intention is for 2023. I may be able to support you! Best, best of luck! You got this!!!

Want help kickstarting your goals for 2023? I’m offering a special coaching package for 6 sessions discounted for my readers! Email me at gail@uppcoach.com or text me at 609-306-4557.

Loving Laughter: Good for You, Good for Your Relationships

“
When humor exists love is not far behind.
”

— Michael Lewis

Recently I was in a workshop on Humor and Coaching, and I haven’t stopped thinking or talking about it all month! Of course, laughing feels good. When my husband Gus or son Theo, good naturedly tease me, I laugh and feel more alive in the moment. But I never thought of laughter as a beneficial habit. Who thinks of laughter as being valuable to our well-being like meditating, exercise, or a good night’s sleep?

Not only does laughter feel good, but it also supports us in the most fundamental of ways: our health, our mindset, and our relationships. Kind of like a vitamin or a pill, but without any negative side effects—laughter releases “happy hormones.” Maybe you’ve heard of some of them, but do you understand how important they are to counteract our “stress hormones” and function more fully?

Getting to Know the Goodies and the Baddies

The Baddies first:

Stress hormones (cortisol, adrenaline, norepinephrine) exist to help us. They alert us to danger (or cause for worry) by increasing our heart rate and blood pressure. Unfortunately, because so much of life is filled with moments of anxiety and stress, especially now since the pandemic, those hormones can constantly flood our bodies. The result? Disrupted sleep, anxiety and depression, memory impairment, heart disease and more.

The Goodies or “Happy Hormones” to the Rescue:

The great news is our bodies are so amazingly designed that we have more good hormones to counteract the baddies.

Dopamine or the feel-good hormone is the one that supports our memory, learning, focusing, and expanded thinking for problem solving. It enables us to see a situation in a new light.

Serotonin or the happy hormone is also known as the mood stabilizer. It can help us with healthy sleep patterns and mood boosting as well as other physical functions.

Oxytocin or the love hormone is present in our bodies during childbirth, breastfeeding, and parent-child bonding. It helps promote trust, empathy, and bonding in relationships. Its also increases with physical affection, kissing, cuddling and sex.

Endorphins or the pain relievers are also known as the runner’s high hormone. Endorphins increase when we’re having a pleasurable experience such as, a good work out, doing a creative rewarding project, eating, or having sex.

And the delight is, laughing, a chuckle, or a deep belly laugh, releases all the good hormones!

Uplifting Laughter

The great news is—laughter is free medicine! It’s available to us anytime of day, any day of the week, whether we’re alone or with others. It’s a way of looking at life. Looking for what’s fun, silly, surprising, unexpected, ridiculous, quirky and letting loose with a smile and a belly laugh.

“Look for opportunities to be delighted rather than disappointed,” say Stanford University School of Business professors Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas in their TedTalk, “Why Great Leaders Take Humor Seriously.”

Their advice makes me think of my friend Helaine. In the winter she slipped on her doorstep and broke her lower back. She was in severe pain for two months before she had surgery and has now been in rehab and extended care for three months. She is in a wheelchair and has not yet regained her mobility. A very frustrating situation for my active friend. A couple of days ago I called to check on her.

“How are you, Helaine?”

“Well, I haven’t had PT (Physical Therapy) all week,” she said matter of factly.

“That’s awful. Did you speak up about it?”

“Yes. I got in my wheelchair and went to speak to the director. I told him my story and he said, ‘Helaine, I know. We’re so short staffed. There’s nothing I can do about it.’”

“Did you get upset?”

“No. We both just laughed.”

I was blown away. That’s not like my friend to see the humor in a frustrating situation. “You laughed? How wonderful!” Seeing the humor in the ridiculousness of these pandemic times where there just aren’t people to work, enabled her to keep her calm and creatively problem solve. She decided it was time to go home, where she could get the services she needed. Humor gave her mental distance to shift her perspective and uplift her mindset.

Be Intentional with Humor

Anatomy of an Illness by Norman Cousins is an impactful book about the benefits of intentional humor. When Cousins discovered he had an irreversible connective tissue disease he created a unique healing approach to extend his life. He would watch comedy shows that were side-splitting funny for 10 minutes at a time. He found deep belly laughs gave him two hours pain free. He went on to create laughter therapy which enabled him to live twenty years beyond his doctor’s prognosis.

Knowing how good laughter and humor is for our well-being, how do we intentionally bring it into our day-to-day lives? I asked myself that question and came up with this list of laughing opportunities:

o   Playfulness: I’m open to others being playful with me and joking about the quirky things I say and do (especially my husband and son.) As Relationship expert John Gottman says in his book, The Relationship Cure, when we approach our significant others with good humor, we have a full supply of goodwill and affection handy during disagreements. This of course applies to any relationship.

o   Laughing at myself, like when things don’t go as planned.

o   Looking with eyes of appreciation for the silliness or quirkiness of the people I interact with.

o   Joining in with others’ belly laughs. Laughter is contagious.

o   The comical on TV or in books: especially late-night TV hosts; shows like Mrs. Maisel, The Gilmore Girls, Grace and Frankie.

What’s funny to you?

As Aaker and Bagdonas say, “Laughing is like exercising, meditating, and having sex at the same time!”

Why not make humor a part of your healthy lifestyle?

Looking for more humor in your life? I’m offering a free one-hour coaching session any time in the month of May. One of the side benefits may be more laughter! Contact me at gail@uppcoach.com

Spring: Start Something New

I am taking a class that I never aspired to or dreamed of: flamenco dancing! As I was flipping through classes offered at Princeton Arts Council, I was mesmerized by a photo of women in long skirts with layers of ruffles, black dancing shoes, and clapping hands. Honestly, I was unfamiliar with flamenco. But I love dancing. Intrigued, I investigated further on YouTube. I discovered flamenco is all about intricate hand movements, emphatic shoe tapping, dramatic clapping, and graceful skirt shifting. So, me!

Hesitantly, I reached out to the instructor. She invited me to join in a free session. If I was interested, I’d be part of a class of women who’d been practicing flamenco since September. How would I keep up? Was this just a whim? Would it be worth making the investment in the clothing?

The longer days, flowers blooming, inviting sunshine—swept me up! After all its spring!

Spring is a Time for New Beginnings

Just like the new year, spring is a time of new beginnings. We see it in nature all around us—the bright daffodils, pink magnolia blossoms, the yellow forsythias exploding on their stems. It’s an opportunity for us too, to grow and try something new.  I hadn’t realized the convergence of my new class and spring until my friend Lynnie made the association.

For so many of us, our lives are the same day in and day out. We do our work. We have our routines. We watch our TV shows. And world news frightens and overwhelms us.

And don’t we all yearn for something more? Maybe it’s building a new habit: yoga, daily walking, meditation, golf, tennis, eating healthy, working out at the gym, reading a book. Maybe it’s about relationships—finding your just right person, keeping closer with friends and loved ones, enjoying more fun, quality time with your kids, joining a meetup group with others who enjoy your hobby. Maybe it’s a project that’s been on the backburner: creating a garden, painting a room, reorganizing a closet, taking that trip you’ve dreamed of. Or maybe it’s expressing yourself creatively: writing your dreamed of book, taking an art class, singing lessons, or dance; learning a new language, enrolling in a cooking class.

Why not go for your something more?

We Hold Ourselves Back

That’s right! We get in our own way from springing forward and acting on our dreams. Oh, there can be so many reasons. Time, money, faith in ourselves, feeling lacking in ability. But I would say the biggie is the stories we tell ourselves. Our minds tend to go towards negative previous experiences when we consider doing something new.

One coaching client of mine wanted to develop healthier eating and exercise habits. She said, “That’s going to be hard because I never follow through.”

 I know that never doesn’t exist. It’s our self-disappointments overshadowing our successes. So I asked, “Can you think of a time you did follow through on something that mattered to you?”

In about 5 seconds she responded, “Well, I did cycle from the World Trade Center to Washington DC as part of an effort to raise money for police officers’ families.”

“That sounds huge! Tell me about it.” She described all the training and preparation she had to do to cycle up to 60 miles/day. Accessing a positive empowering memory of herself following through to reach a goal, opened a small window of light. We began talking about how she might actually have what it takes to start building the healthy habits she craved.

I find it so exciting to recognize that it’s within our power to go beyond our negative self-stories. And one way is to remember times we have been successful. We realize we can unleash our positive possibilities when we voice our strengths and successes.

Spring Forward – Your Takeaways

1.      I’m seeing the process of beginning something wonderful and new like tending a garden. First we need to weed out the uninvited guests. Those negative things we say to ourselves that hold us back.

2.      Next, we choose the flowers we hope to bloom. Remembering what’s bloomed beautifully before is a starting point. That’s our previous successes related in any small way to our dreams and goals.

3.      Rich loamy soil gives us the foundation to support our new spring beauties.  We strengthen our soil by envisioning the person we wish to show up as: our identity. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, and the person I call “the habit guru,” says our power in doing or learning something new is in focusing on who we wish to become, not what we want to achieve.

For me, my identity as a flamenco dancer is, I am a person who does things she loves that are out of her comfort zone. And, I am a person who practices dance every day. (This is the part where I have to overcome past stories, and I will because I’m writing to you about it!)

My client who wants to develop both healthy exercise and eating habits says the identity she wants to develop is, I am a person who makes my health a priority.  

Some Inspiration from This Is Us

My husband Gus and I are huge This Is Us fans. In a recent episode, the mother, Rebecca, sat down at a table in their family getaway cabin with her three 40-year-old children. With early-onset Alzheimer’s she implored them to live boldly. “Take risks, make the big moves, even if they’re small moves. Forge ahead with your lives in any and every direction that moves you. I’m asking you to be FEARLESS. And if that sounds like a tall order it is. And the only acceptable response is, ‘Yes, ma’am.’”

WOW!

So, I say to you, the same thing. It’s spring, an opportunity for a new beginning that will give life to your life. Why not take a risk, big or small? You have it in you to be FEARLESS!

Gail is the award-winning author of The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, a speaker, and life coach. She is happy to offer you a free 1-hour introductory coaching session to help you make a move and spring forward on a dream/goal. Contact her at gail@uppcoach.com Check out her website for more info at www.uppcoach.com 

You can order Gail’s book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good at Amazon. It’s a great way to support yourself in living with heart fearlessly.