Spring: Start Something New

I am taking a class that I never aspired to or dreamed of: flamenco dancing! As I was flipping through classes offered at Princeton Arts Council, I was mesmerized by a photo of women in long skirts with layers of ruffles, black dancing shoes, and clapping hands. Honestly, I was unfamiliar with flamenco. But I love dancing. Intrigued, I investigated further on YouTube. I discovered flamenco is all about intricate hand movements, emphatic shoe tapping, dramatic clapping, and graceful skirt shifting. So, me!

Hesitantly, I reached out to the instructor. She invited me to join in a free session. If I was interested, I’d be part of a class of women who’d been practicing flamenco since September. How would I keep up? Was this just a whim? Would it be worth making the investment in the clothing?

The longer days, flowers blooming, inviting sunshine—swept me up! After all its spring!

Spring is a Time for New Beginnings

Just like the new year, spring is a time of new beginnings. We see it in nature all around us—the bright daffodils, pink magnolia blossoms, the yellow forsythias exploding on their stems. It’s an opportunity for us too, to grow and try something new.  I hadn’t realized the convergence of my new class and spring until my friend Lynnie made the association.

For so many of us, our lives are the same day in and day out. We do our work. We have our routines. We watch our TV shows. And world news frightens and overwhelms us.

And don’t we all yearn for something more? Maybe it’s building a new habit: yoga, daily walking, meditation, golf, tennis, eating healthy, working out at the gym, reading a book. Maybe it’s about relationships—finding your just right person, keeping closer with friends and loved ones, enjoying more fun, quality time with your kids, joining a meetup group with others who enjoy your hobby. Maybe it’s a project that’s been on the backburner: creating a garden, painting a room, reorganizing a closet, taking that trip you’ve dreamed of. Or maybe it’s expressing yourself creatively: writing your dreamed of book, taking an art class, singing lessons, or dance; learning a new language, enrolling in a cooking class.

Why not go for your something more?

We Hold Ourselves Back

That’s right! We get in our own way from springing forward and acting on our dreams. Oh, there can be so many reasons. Time, money, faith in ourselves, feeling lacking in ability. But I would say the biggie is the stories we tell ourselves. Our minds tend to go towards negative previous experiences when we consider doing something new.

One coaching client of mine wanted to develop healthier eating and exercise habits. She said, “That’s going to be hard because I never follow through.”

 I know that never doesn’t exist. It’s our self-disappointments overshadowing our successes. So I asked, “Can you think of a time you did follow through on something that mattered to you?”

In about 5 seconds she responded, “Well, I did cycle from the World Trade Center to Washington DC as part of an effort to raise money for police officers’ families.”

“That sounds huge! Tell me about it.” She described all the training and preparation she had to do to cycle up to 60 miles/day. Accessing a positive empowering memory of herself following through to reach a goal, opened a small window of light. We began talking about how she might actually have what it takes to start building the healthy habits she craved.

I find it so exciting to recognize that it’s within our power to go beyond our negative self-stories. And one way is to remember times we have been successful. We realize we can unleash our positive possibilities when we voice our strengths and successes.

Spring Forward – Your Takeaways

1.      I’m seeing the process of beginning something wonderful and new like tending a garden. First we need to weed out the uninvited guests. Those negative things we say to ourselves that hold us back.

2.      Next, we choose the flowers we hope to bloom. Remembering what’s bloomed beautifully before is a starting point. That’s our previous successes related in any small way to our dreams and goals.

3.      Rich loamy soil gives us the foundation to support our new spring beauties.  We strengthen our soil by envisioning the person we wish to show up as: our identity. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, and the person I call “the habit guru,” says our power in doing or learning something new is in focusing on who we wish to become, not what we want to achieve.

For me, my identity as a flamenco dancer is, I am a person who does things she loves that are out of her comfort zone. And, I am a person who practices dance every day. (This is the part where I have to overcome past stories, and I will because I’m writing to you about it!)

My client who wants to develop both healthy exercise and eating habits says the identity she wants to develop is, I am a person who makes my health a priority.  

Some Inspiration from This Is Us

My husband Gus and I are huge This Is Us fans. In a recent episode, the mother, Rebecca, sat down at a table in their family getaway cabin with her three 40-year-old children. With early-onset Alzheimer’s she implored them to live boldly. “Take risks, make the big moves, even if they’re small moves. Forge ahead with your lives in any and every direction that moves you. I’m asking you to be FEARLESS. And if that sounds like a tall order it is. And the only acceptable response is, ‘Yes, ma’am.’”

WOW!

So, I say to you, the same thing. It’s spring, an opportunity for a new beginning that will give life to your life. Why not take a risk, big or small? You have it in you to be FEARLESS!

Gail is the award-winning author of The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, a speaker, and life coach. She is happy to offer you a free 1-hour introductory coaching session to help you make a move and spring forward on a dream/goal. Contact her at gail@uppcoach.com Check out her website for more info at www.uppcoach.com 

You can order Gail’s book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good at Amazon. It’s a great way to support yourself in living with heart fearlessly.

Kindness in the Time of Corona

The other day I got bolder going out into the world and went to my dentist to fix a cracked tooth. My dentist and I reconnected with small talk. Then I said,

“Between the worldwide Corona Virus and protests over the inequities to Black people, we’re living during a time of great change.”

“Oh, people may be kinder now,” my dentist responded. “But it won’t last. Look at how short-lived the caring and kindness was after 9/11.”

I thought, I don’t see it that way. Why do I see all the goodness possible, yet my dentist doesn’t? How can I help others embrace this opportunity to be the change they want to see?

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

When I first heard those words years ago they were life-changing. Gandhi’s message to me was change begins with me. If I want to experience more kindness, be kind. If I seek a peaceful life, find peace within. If I believe in justice and care for all people, support my values in my actions. Lofty important goals, I’m sure you’ll agree, but how do we actually live them when everyday life sneakily distracts us from our intentions? Here’s one way.

A Changed Life, A Better World, Begins with a Choice and a Commitment

A couple of years ago, in my husband Gus’s Greek mountain village, I met a wise, very spiritual woman, who reignited Gandhi’s message in my heart and mind. Despina (who was the same age as me) and I would meet to silently walk together at 6:30 AM to greet the awe-inspiring sunrise over Sparta. On the way back, we’d chat and she’d share equally awe-inspiring thoughts. Here are some that stuck with me:

“All of us live in the world we have inside us. Whatever our inner feelings and thoughts—joy, anger, resentment, jealously, compassion, hate, empathy, love—we spread what’s inside us in the world. If we want to change the world, we must take responsibility for our inner world and our influence on the outer world.”

Despina’s words reverberate in my mind. Here’s two actions I take to make them my reality.

Become the Observer of Your Thoughts

One part of being the change you want to see in the world, is becoming aware of our thoughts and feelings. We think about 60,000 thoughts a day! Many luckily, are inconsequential to our impact on others. But our thoughts that are negative, critical, or negatively impact our emotions are the ones to attend to.

The deeper work here is to ask ourselves: What’s that about? Why am I feeling this way?  You might journal, talk with a trusted close person, or have an inner dialogue with yourself to gain insight as to what to do with the negativity you’re feeling. The important take away here is, your feelings and thoughts are up to you to work through. For the sake of your inner peace and the energy you spread in the world, become the observer of your thoughts.  

Choose Kindness

Possibly the simplest way to commit to being a positive influence in the world is to recognize your common humanity with all people and be kind. Here’s a number of ways I spread good energy through kindness, and you can, too:

1.  Offer words of praise and encouragement freely and generously. A kind word makes someone’s day. Read my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, for lots of inspiration on how to find the words and make the most of your time with others.

2.  Driving on the road, be patient and let others in your lane.

3.  When out walking, even wearing a mask, smile with your eyes and wave to fellow walkers to affirm your connection.

4.  Make it a habit to reach out to at least three people a day through a call, a text, or an email to let them know you’re thinking of them and you care.

5.  Listen and actually take an interest in someone. Be curious about them.

6.  Give, give, give. Give away clothing and things to others, cook for someone ill, give your time to help with a project, the options are endless.

7.  Send good energy in the world daily. Imagine health to all you know who are ill. Imagine blessings to those seeking love. Imagine peace and healing of relationships, of countries, of political parties, of the environment. Everything is energy and your good thoughts do make a difference!

Why not commit to make your inner world and your influence on the outer world as positive as it can be!

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Embrace Change: 4 Questions to Help You

As I contemplated what my new blog topic would be this week, a single word floated up in my mind – CHANGE.  I kept hearing the line from Sam Cook’s 1964 song, “A Change is Gonna Come” - it’s been a long time, a long time coming, but I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will.” You are so right, Sam. It’s been a long time, and everything in the world as we know it is shifting.

 The murder of George Floyd, as a result of police brutality, has catalyzed protests for days on end all over the United States and the world. Floyd is the straw that has broken the camel’s back in the abominable injustice of the treatment of Black people. My heart goes out to him and his family, and all Blacks who have lost their lives because of the color of their skin. A change is coming now… coming fast… and its time!

Between the impact of Covid-19 and the George Floyd protests, our way of life has been totally shaken up.

A Wake-up Call

What’s going on?  I ask myself.

There’s obviously a wake-up call we need as a human race, to change our ways before even more cataclysmic things happen.

Not too many years ago, I had a personal wake-up call. A member of my family had her life turned totally upside down. She was at the top of her game professionally, socially and glowing with inner confidence.  Yet, in the blink of an eye, all that crumbled. She was hospitalized for an unexpected health condition, and we who loved her stood by in shock and fear.

Here’s the similarity to what’s going on in the world. I said to myself, if such a big shake-up has occurred there has to be a larger reason as to why. So my loved one and I each asked ourselves these questions:

• What’s to be learned here?

• What do I need to pay more attention to?

• What’s the opportunity?

• How can I change and grow because of this?

And because she seized the moment to do the work that became clear to her, her life now is richer, more grounded, and much happier. But it took concerted attention, effort, support and time.  

I ask myself those same four questions now.

What’s to be learned here? What do I need to pay attention to?

Covid-19 and racial injustice are each about separation and protection.

The Corona Virus forces us to wear masks and stay six feet apart for protection from life-threatening germs. But we’re painfully separated physically and socially from others. Racial injustice leaves Black people unprotected by our law enforcement and judicial  systems because of ingrained societal separation between Whites and Blacks.

The learning to me is to value everyone, those we love, acquaintances, and those who appear different than us. PEOPLE MATTER.

What’s the opportunity? How can I change and grow because of this?

Covid-19 Opportunity: Connect with loved ones

I’ve noticed how important the people in my life are. When we could freely move around in the world, I was busy going, doing and socializing with many and didn’t always give those dearest to me as much time and attention. Here are changes I’ve made:

• I spend quality time with my house-mate, my husband. Dinners, walks, conversations—I give him my full attention now, and of course daily tell him how grateful I am for him. Our relationship has become more precious.

•   I have weekly dates to FaceTime with a sister-friend and my three nieces with their young babies. In the past I’d speak to them occasionally, but now I water the relationships with my time and care and the result is great joy.

•   My son, Theo and his girlfriend, Sarah, come over for a barbecue once a week. They are my heart and I make sure each week to let them know how much they mean to me.

•   Whoever I FaceTime, zoom, or speak with I make sure to affirm them and let them know how much I appreciate them.

Racial Injustice Opportunity: Connect Through Learning and Action

I’m really impressed by all the companies and institutions who are stepping up to raise our consciousness and are taking action. This morning my email was flooded with meaningful response letters to the protest. I am using the following resources to learn and grow.

• Coursera, a fabulous online opportunity to take free classes from outstanding universities is offering fourteen courses on anti-racism, social justice and inclusion from universities like Stanford, Vanderbilt, Emory, Weslyan, U of Michigan and Rutgers. I’m signing up for one this week, to raise my consciousness.

• My husband and I are taking an online course with the great Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield, entitled Keeping a Steady Heart in Uncertain Times. At his website he offers a list, “75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice,” with actions we can take now.

• Support legislators and leaders who are advocating for humane treatment and protection of the rights of all people. Reach out and affirm them and give them your vote!

Why not ask yourself the four questions and reflect on the meaning of this shake-up for you. Then decide to begin to make some changes starting today!