A Pleasure Routine for 2021

While walking with a friend on the Spring Lake boardwalk, she described the most delightful routine. She said every day in the late afternoon, she crawls into bed and spends an hour reading, listening to podcasts, or doing crossword puzzles.

“That is so cozy and self-nuturing,” I effused. “You have a pleasure routine.”

“I love that Gail! There’s a blog topic you can support others with.

The reason I was so excited by a pleasure routine is that I have become a workaholic! It’s a strange thing for a retired person to say, but I hear myself frequently saying, “I’m working on… or I have to get back to work…. Crazy! I am a lover of routines, and my work routine takes up a big chunk of my day. Maybe a little too big.

Routines as an Anchor

Routines give us a sense of order and well-being. They anchor us in ourselves. I begin my day stretching and meditating followed by a walk. Self-care routines create a feeling of peace and well-being. They can even boost our confidence because we are making good choices. Doing well, as my dad would say. 

Then it’s to my writing room I go to do the work I’ve chosen to do, as a retired person. I can sit at my computer from nearly 10-5 doing my new work—writing this blog, coaching, studying writing and coaching, preparing talks, and marketing (my least favorite and biggest learning curve area.) Working on my new careers/hobbies gives my life purpose and meaning.

For 42 years as an educator, I focused on helping students discover their talents, confidence, and a passion for learning. I loved my days with the kids and the honor of making a positive difference in their lives. And now I get to follow my new passion helping adults create deeper fulfillment in every area of their life. The problem is during these pandemic times I’m just working too much!

The definition of work: activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

That’s me! I am driven to be productive toward my purpose—all day. I love what I do, but my conversation with my friend signaled to me I am craving a little more down time.

Can you relate? Do you find yourself focused on things that are work to you and don’t indulge often enough in simple things that give you pleasure?

A Pleasure Routine is Like Being on Vacation

my friend, I love reading. I read in dribs and drabs throughout my day—the news on my ipad at breakfast, a personal growth book during lunch, a novel before bed. But it’s short bursts 15 minutes at a shot.

The only time I indulge in escaping pleasurably into a book is on vacation with my sister Lois, at her lake house. We are island-bound without a boat. We spend all afternoon sitting in green Adirondack chairs on her narrow, weathered dock reading, chatting, cooling off in the refreshing water, and reading some more. It feels as relaxing as a day at the spa.

That’s the kind of pleasure routine I’d like to create—a time allotted not to do what’s good for me, not to work on my mission, not to be productive—just to do something for the pure pleasure of it.

Choosing a Pleasure Routine

Thinking of a pleasure routine as a vacation-state-of-mind, I think immediately of two things I’d love to do—dance and extended reading (as you already know.) Dancing gets me in a rhythmic flow and the music lifts my spirits. (It also transports me to my high school dancing-queen self.) Reading for extended time will allow me to escape into another world. Because I’m so cerebral, my pleasure routine will get me out of my thoughts and well, be a pleasure!

I’m committing to indulge in my pleasures four days a week, Monday thru Thursday from 4:00-5:00 PM. Ten minutes dancing, 40-50 minutes reading.

How about you? What would you like to indulge in a number of times a week for pure relaxation and pleasure? Is there something you love to do but can’t seem to find time for? Even 10-15 minutes of time to do something that takes you out of your mind and responsibilities can give you pleasure. We’re worth it, aren’t we?

It’s About Balance

Creating a balanced life of care—for our health and well-being, our home and loved ones, our friendships, and work that gives our life meaning and purpose, brings tremendous peace and empowerment. We don’t always have the luxury to balance our life especially now during the pandemic.

But as you prioritize the use of your time I hope you’ll consider creating a pleasure routine to take better care of you!

The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good is available at Amazon. May it support you in living your best most fulfilling life!

What’s Stuck with You in 2020? Positive Prep for 2021

heavy, deep snow and our front door was blocked by vast whiteness. With bright, yellow snow shovel in hand, I plugged away at clearing the walk to our door. The problem was, with each shovel-full, half the snow wouldn’t fling away. It remained stuck to the shovel. Banging its edge numerous times on the cement, a beautiful insight began dawning. Hmm. How has 2020 been a wet and heavy snow? And what has stuck with me in a good way during this bleak time of Covid-19 and political upheaval? (I excitedly posted this query first to my Facebook friends if any of you saw it.)

What’s Stuck in A Good Way

I’m thinking of the adaptations I made to continue living peacefully, lovingly, and joyfully. And adaptation is the word! Its definition is a light bulb of what we all have been called to do in 2020: adaptation - the physical or behavioral characteristic of an organism that helps it survive better in its surrounding environment.

The fundamental adaptation that has enabled me to make the best of 2020 is focusing on all I still have.

Most thankfully my loved ones and I are healthy and well. We have our home and plenty of food and toilet paper! I can still take daily walks in the surrounding neighborhoods (mask ready when other walkers are on the street) I can still visit with friends thanks to Zoom, and have actually rekindled and deepened friendships because our weekly visits mean so much more now that our movement out in the world is limited. I can still learn and grow thanks to Zoom and the internet. I decided to take a leap and train as a life coach to develop my skills to more deeply assist others to grow, find fulfillment, balance and joy. Though the course is out of CA my instructor is in NYC. I am amazed! I’ll be certified in February.

And out of all this comes a feeling of deep gratitude. That’s what sticks with me.  Gratitude for all I get to savor. Before Covid I dashed about in my life.

Busily.

Quickly.

 Far and wide.

 Being restricted has stretched me to savor all that’s in my own backyard (as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz might say.)

Nature. My husband. My sister. My son. My friendships. The gift of food.

Here’s the difference: I savor moments that before I dismissed as commonplace; ordinary.

Eating home has been heightened to a new level. Since we can’t go out to restaurants for an uplift, I’ve made meals as deliciously and beautifully as I can to transport my husband and me. Eating on our deck in the past was occasional. But this summer, as we dined outside watching the sky turn shades of pink, I felt just as elevated as if we were in Greece or Italy.

What sticks with me is—it’s all in our perception. If we look with eyes for beauty and all that’s good, that’s what we see. If we treasure our relationships and fully appreciate our dear ones, we can feel quite lucky.

• How about YOU? What positives stick with you from these Covid times? What adaptations have you made to make the most of your life now? What new habits have YOU developed that have brought you peace and pleasure in our more restricted lifestyle?

  
  Taking What’s Stuck into 2021

Now I’m thinking of the word intention and how impactful our intentions are. The definition of intention: a determination to act in a certain way; resolve.

My intention is to take what’s stuck with me –to savor all I have and get to do into 2021.

When I’m eating dinner with Gus, I want to enjoy the conversation, truly listen to him, and appreciate the full flavor of the meal. (Instead of the way I pre-Covid, slapped together a meal which we often ate in front of the TV.)

When I’m studying coaching, my intention is to revel in the new knowledge I’m acquiring and how much I’ll be able to support others in their growth. (Instead of angsting, as I tend to, about my ability to learn it all.)

I will continue my weekly rituals with friends that I’ve forged during Covid times, cherishing our deepening relationships.

• What good rituals from these Covid times do you want to bring into 2021?

  
  As we end 2020, I want to thank you my dear blog readers, for being part of my learning community. I so appreciate your responses to my musings and ideas, you spur me on to spread the good through my blog and work. If even one blog gave you an insight, comfort, or a positive action to take—I am deeply gratified.

Wishing you and your loved ones the healthiest most positive 2021!

A small request: If you’ve enjoyed my blogs please share right now with someone who you think could benefit from them. I appreciate you helping me in my mission to SPREAD THE GOOD!      

The Affirming Way of Life is available in Kindle version and book at Amazon.

3 R's for Thriving During Corona Virus Times

Friends – I’m sharing a blog I wrote for my friends Sue OConnor and Randy Lumia’s Paradise Workplace Solutions website. They wanted some tips to help people who are now working from home. I had you in mind as well as I was writing it. Hope you find a nugget in it to make your days more normal and bright!

Life as it is now, for every single one of us, is something we’ve never encountered before. We’re unsure how long our quarantined lifestyle will continue, we’re missing the freedom of freely going places, and mostly, we’re missing being with all the people we love and care about.

We will get through this, but like every challenge we face, we need a plan and framework to guide us. Here’s my approach for living in confinement to still feel like myself. I call it, the 3 R’s for Thriving During Corona Virus Times.  

1. Resources (Inner):

We need to take care of ourselves, so that we have the energy and positive mind frame to feel capable of handling the new stresses in our life, and to be there for the people who are relying on us. This means paying attention to our needs physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Ask yourself, when can I steal even thirty minutes for me?  The beginning or end of the day are good times to carve out for yourself. Here are some things I do that enable me to feel inwardly balanced.

• Physically: It’s really important to get exercise. Most of us had exercise routines before the coronavirus, and we know what a stress reliever it is and how good it makes us feel mentally and emotionally. I did Jazzercize and Pilates and both programs have offered me online options that I’m taking advantage of.  Here’s one link to many free online options.

Get outside in the sun and fresh air daily, even for 15 minutes. Being in nature is so healing. My husband and I have begun sitting on our front stoop watching the sunset and enjoying the robins, wrens, and rabbits that make their home in the huge pine tree on our front lawn. In the 17 years we’ve lived in our home, we never knew we had such wonderful natural entertainment!

•   Mentally/Emotionally:  Our mind and emotions go hand in hand. Aside from reading, watching TV series’, and doing puzzles of some kind (my husband and I are doing jigsaw puzzles, a first since we’re married), there’s two biggies I do that nourish my mind and heart.

First, I have a daily gratitude practice. Focusing on all the good things we still do have in our life lifts our spirits. Research has shown not only does gratitude reduce stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma. I give thanks now for having my safe comfortable home to live in, running water, the technology to stay connected with loved ones, the greenness of nature.

Second, I use positive self-talk. Throughout my day I applaud myself for efforts, “You put makeup on today to feel like yourself. I’m proud of you.” And I speak kindly to myself for screw-up’s, “It’s OK you went into fear mode again. It’s understandable after listening to the news.” If you can master these two practices during these extreme times, they can literally transform your life when things return to ‘normal’.

• Spiritually: A meditation practice trains our mind and emotions to not be reactive, and enables us to be more present-moment-focused (which can help us not get caught in gloomy future thoughts.) Research says meditation is a natural stress stabilizer and increases happiness. Who doesn’t want more of that now! I use the Insight Timer to meditate. I love it because there’s guided meditation, music and a timer to set my own background sounds. It gives me a structure and even rewards me with stars for every 10 days meditating. I’ve meditated 340 days in a row and I’m proud of it!

2. Routines:

A very comforting article I read at the start of our quarantine was by Scott Kelly, the astronaut. He gave tips for living in isolation, as he did in space for a year. The first on his list was routines. Before our homebound life we had a routine that gave us order and a sense of control. Though we know how important routines are we may not have consciously created one yet. Creating a routine will help everyone in your family live better in the new normal. I follow most of the same schedule as before, except now when I would have met friends for lunch or dinner, I call, Face Time, or Zoom to feel like we’re together. Which leads me to…

3. Relationships:

The focus of my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good is how to form and maintain the kind of strong, healthy relationships that lead to a happy, fulfilling life. Through personal stories and research I show readers that when we look with eyes for the best in others and are generous enough to tell them, we bring a flow of love and care to our relationships that brings the joy and connection we all are looking for.

Though we can’t be physically with most of our family and friends, we can reach out to them and let them know how much they mean to us. I’ve committed to doing just that. Each day I speak to 3 people and before the conversation is over, I tell them something I love or appreciate about them and how much our relationship means to me.

The other day my son, Theo’s best friend, Wes, was helping me (via Face Time and computer sharing) learn to send group emails on my book. I said to him, “I can’t thank you enough for pointing out to me that I really am getting how to do this. You are such a wonderful teacher. You patiently explained how the program works and had me practice the skills myself. Not only am I grateful Theo has you, I’m so lucky to have you, too!” Wes, affirmed me back, and we shared a moment of heart-warming connection. Though being affirmed back feels wonderful, each time I affirm someone I feel the love.

Why not consciously take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

Why not be sure to have daily and weekly routines?

And finally, Why not reach out to your loved ones and everyone in your life to share the love?

Wishing you and your loved ones health, safety, and a positive mindset to create moments of joy!