3 R's for Thriving During Corona Virus Times

Friends – I’m sharing a blog I wrote for my friends Sue OConnor and Randy Lumia’s Paradise Workplace Solutions website. They wanted some tips to help people who are now working from home. I had you in mind as well as I was writing it. Hope you find a nugget in it to make your days more normal and bright!

Life as it is now, for every single one of us, is something we’ve never encountered before. We’re unsure how long our quarantined lifestyle will continue, we’re missing the freedom of freely going places, and mostly, we’re missing being with all the people we love and care about.

We will get through this, but like every challenge we face, we need a plan and framework to guide us. Here’s my approach for living in confinement to still feel like myself. I call it, the 3 R’s for Thriving During Corona Virus Times.  

1. Resources (Inner):

We need to take care of ourselves, so that we have the energy and positive mind frame to feel capable of handling the new stresses in our life, and to be there for the people who are relying on us. This means paying attention to our needs physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Ask yourself, when can I steal even thirty minutes for me?  The beginning or end of the day are good times to carve out for yourself. Here are some things I do that enable me to feel inwardly balanced.

• Physically: It’s really important to get exercise. Most of us had exercise routines before the coronavirus, and we know what a stress reliever it is and how good it makes us feel mentally and emotionally. I did Jazzercize and Pilates and both programs have offered me online options that I’m taking advantage of.  Here’s one link to many free online options.

Get outside in the sun and fresh air daily, even for 15 minutes. Being in nature is so healing. My husband and I have begun sitting on our front stoop watching the sunset and enjoying the robins, wrens, and rabbits that make their home in the huge pine tree on our front lawn. In the 17 years we’ve lived in our home, we never knew we had such wonderful natural entertainment!

•   Mentally/Emotionally:  Our mind and emotions go hand in hand. Aside from reading, watching TV series’, and doing puzzles of some kind (my husband and I are doing jigsaw puzzles, a first since we’re married), there’s two biggies I do that nourish my mind and heart.

First, I have a daily gratitude practice. Focusing on all the good things we still do have in our life lifts our spirits. Research has shown not only does gratitude reduce stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma. I give thanks now for having my safe comfortable home to live in, running water, the technology to stay connected with loved ones, the greenness of nature.

Second, I use positive self-talk. Throughout my day I applaud myself for efforts, “You put makeup on today to feel like yourself. I’m proud of you.” And I speak kindly to myself for screw-up’s, “It’s OK you went into fear mode again. It’s understandable after listening to the news.” If you can master these two practices during these extreme times, they can literally transform your life when things return to ‘normal’.

• Spiritually: A meditation practice trains our mind and emotions to not be reactive, and enables us to be more present-moment-focused (which can help us not get caught in gloomy future thoughts.) Research says meditation is a natural stress stabilizer and increases happiness. Who doesn’t want more of that now! I use the Insight Timer to meditate. I love it because there’s guided meditation, music and a timer to set my own background sounds. It gives me a structure and even rewards me with stars for every 10 days meditating. I’ve meditated 340 days in a row and I’m proud of it!

2. Routines:

A very comforting article I read at the start of our quarantine was by Scott Kelly, the astronaut. He gave tips for living in isolation, as he did in space for a year. The first on his list was routines. Before our homebound life we had a routine that gave us order and a sense of control. Though we know how important routines are we may not have consciously created one yet. Creating a routine will help everyone in your family live better in the new normal. I follow most of the same schedule as before, except now when I would have met friends for lunch or dinner, I call, Face Time, or Zoom to feel like we’re together. Which leads me to…

3. Relationships:

The focus of my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good is how to form and maintain the kind of strong, healthy relationships that lead to a happy, fulfilling life. Through personal stories and research I show readers that when we look with eyes for the best in others and are generous enough to tell them, we bring a flow of love and care to our relationships that brings the joy and connection we all are looking for.

Though we can’t be physically with most of our family and friends, we can reach out to them and let them know how much they mean to us. I’ve committed to doing just that. Each day I speak to 3 people and before the conversation is over, I tell them something I love or appreciate about them and how much our relationship means to me.

The other day my son, Theo’s best friend, Wes, was helping me (via Face Time and computer sharing) learn to send group emails on my book. I said to him, “I can’t thank you enough for pointing out to me that I really am getting how to do this. You are such a wonderful teacher. You patiently explained how the program works and had me practice the skills myself. Not only am I grateful Theo has you, I’m so lucky to have you, too!” Wes, affirmed me back, and we shared a moment of heart-warming connection. Though being affirmed back feels wonderful, each time I affirm someone I feel the love.

Why not consciously take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

Why not be sure to have daily and weekly routines?

And finally, Why not reach out to your loved ones and everyone in your life to share the love?

Wishing you and your loved ones health, safety, and a positive mindset to create moments of joy!

Thanksgiving Thoughts—Fill Your Own Cup, Then You Have So Much More to Share

Thanksgiving is coming up, and so we think about gathering with loved ones, the amazing turkey meal, and in the rush of travel and preparations, hopefully, some passing thoughts about all we have to be grateful for. I have discovered daily, hourly, moment-filled gratitude, is what fills my cup, and has literally transformed me! My gratitude practice fuels me to see the good, speak the good, and spread the good, and it can do the same for you.

A Gratitude Practice

I began my gratitude practice many years ago, by reflecting on my day, as I lay my head on my pillow, ready to drift off to sleep. With exuberance from my heart, I’d thank God (believing all the everyday ordinary goodness and safety were huge gifts I was blessed with from beyond) for my loving, devoted husband, for our precious son, Theo, doing well, for my angel sister; then basic things like my steaming bowl of oatmeal accompanied by the NY Times, a brisk walk under sunny skies listening to an inspiring podcast; goals for the day accomplished and savored; moments when I made someone else smile or said the just right thing they needed to hear to keep going; the enrichment of a book or show; the joy of loving kind words received, laughter shared, or a meaningful conversation.

Millions of perceptions, thoughts, experiences, feelings, and people, are cause for gratitude. Overtime, in addition to my sacred bedtime practice, I am grateful moment by moment. The gift this morning of my hot shower and lilac scented soap from my friend, Jere; the swaying branches of the pine tree outside my window as I get to write this blog to you—all reasons to pause and feel the preciousness of now.  My cup is full to the brim with goodness to share.

Gratitude Makes Your Brain Happier

Neuropsychologist, Rick Hanson, author of Hardwiring Happiness, says, though our brains are hardwired to be negative as a survival mechanism passed down from our caveman ancestors, every time we savor a positive moment for 10 seconds or more, we actually install it in our brain and overtime our brain centers actually become more positive.

 Sweeten Your Cup With Self-Praise

A warm cup of gratitude tea is even better sweetened. I sweeten my cup with self-supporting words of praise. We all have inner critics of varied degrees of meanness. Mine used to rear its nasty head whenever I’d disappoint myself or someone else.  It would say things like, “You are no good. You messed up, again! You’re not as good as___.“ Now I talk to myself kindly, gently, sweetly, as I would to anyone I care about. If I mess up, I say, “It’s OK, Gail. You did your best, you’ll do better next time.”

Self-praise is the sweetest of sweets. Each time I do something good, like complete a task or goal, am kind and loving, do something challenging, keep my commitments to myself, make a difference in someone’s life—I do a full-out victory dance in my head, and say to myself (sometimes even aloud), “I’m so proud of you, Gailie!” Self-praise supports me in feeling capable, worthwhile, and good about myself.

I consciously choose these practices. When we saturate our consciousness and brain with gratitude, we develop sight for the good in everyone and everything. When we’re grateful for what is, and we sweeten it with loving self-supportive words, we have so much more to give. Gratitude and self-affirmation are the source from which our loving affirming way of life is sparked.

Your Takeaways

•   Begin a daily gratitude practice to install the good in your brain and heart.

• Be kind to yourself and notice all the good you do. Praise yourself for it! You will be sweetening your own tea and have an abundance of sweetness to share. 

Why not fill your cup with gratitude and the sweetness of self-supporting words, because you have so much good to give! Happiest Thanksgiving, I am grateful to have you in my Affirming Way of Life family. May you feel blessed beyond measure!

Affirming Can be Awkward—Take a Chance…

How many times have you noticed something absolutely wonderful about someone—but didn’t tell them? Or, in the moment thought, what a difference this person has made in my life—but didn’t tell them. Or, you really appreciate the way someone was so there for you—but didn’t tell them. These missed opportunites occur with loved ones, acquaintances, even strangers, and for most of us, the number of times could be in the hundreds and thousands!

I want to share with you an inspiring story from a friend who woke up and became attuned to living her life with no more lost opportunities sharing her heart.

Monica’s Story

Monica is a generous, good-hearted person, yet very quiet and reserved. We became friend over thirty years ago, but drifted apart and hadn’t spent time together in many, many years. A few weeks ago, I saw Monica again when her daughter, a very dear, former student of mine, was in town and invited me to come visit at her mom’s house. As a gift I gave each of them a copy of my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good.

A couple of weeks later, I received a call that I can only describe as a gift as valuable as gold. It was from Monica. She said:

“Gail, I read your book on the airplane on our return flight from vacation, and couldn’t stop reading it. It was like it was written for me. I don’t share what I think and feel. I grew up thinking what I thought wasn’t important. So I just kept it to myself. Even before I read your book I would catch myself at the grocery checkout thinking how beautiful the cashier’s lashes were or admiring her thick mane of hair—but I kept those good thoughts to myself.”

“It was so hard for me to make this call to you! I said to myself, I have to call Gail, and tell her how her book has opened the door to my heart. I tried texting the message, which would be less threatening to me, but each time I wrote the text—it disappeared! This is a sign, I thought, but if I call she’s probably not going to be home or she’ll be busy—this is the story I tell in my head!”

“Gail, I don’t know if saying I’m proud of you is appropriate, so instead I want to say, I’m proud to know you! Your book has given me a pathway to connect with others. I’m so grateful!”

The Impact of Monica’s Epiphany

I’m sharing Monica’s call with you as both givers and receivers of thoughts and feelings from your heart. When Monica told me about her thought process making excuses to avoid being vulnerable and possibly rejected by me, I thought, wow, I can relate to her feelings and I’ll bet many of you can, too. We all make excuses in our heads to not affirm others for fear of being perceived as foolish.

Monica’s openness touched my heart on many levels. I was so honored that my book enabled her to open up in a way she yearned to. I shared a growth moment with her which is always very exciting. I consider her more real and brave now. And as a receiver of her positive words, it was actually the first time she had expressed her admiration or appreciation to me in all the years I’ve known her. Monica’s openness with me made me feel more connected and closer to her. Now I’m looking forward to our sharing of a new more open-hearted relationship.

Living this affirming way of life makes me attuned to messages I hear about expressing our hearts and connecting with others from music, TV, books, or the news, but especially songs. As I wrote this blog Kelly Clarkson’s song, Breakaway—take a chance, make a change, and breakaway (from old heart restrictive patterns) came to mind! Though Kelly’s message is different, listen to it from the mindset of this blog, and be inspired in your own way by Monica’s bold change to continue expressing your heart. Your affirming words may be just what someone needs!

As always, I say, Why Not?