3 Simple Coping Mechanisms for the Corona Virus Jitters

Life as we know it is changing on an hour by hour basis. Between continual news updates on the worldwide spread of the Corona Virus, to social distancing, empty shelves of essentials in stores, and the closing of every place of entertainment from restaurants to movie theaters, we’ve never experienced any crisis of this magnitude in our lifetime. It feels like we’ve been dropped into an altered reality. We have.  

I find myself worrying about losing my dearest loved ones, financial loss, and have terribly fearful images of life as I know it—gone. My thoughts are spinning out of control. This is not good, Gail, I think. I mentally shake myself awake and recognize, that though I can’t control Covid-19, I can control my response to it. I’m thinking of you, too, my dear friends. I’m hoping my coping mechanisms may be a support to you at this unpredictable time.

3 Simple Coping Mechanisms

One: I draw upon a technique I began using before the outbreak, from Michael Singer’s life-changing book, The Untethered Soul.  He says we are not the voice in our head because we can observe ourselves speaking and emoting. So I say to myself when I begin angsting “Gail, you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions. You are the Self behind your thoughts and your emotions.” I breathe a huge sigh and feel calmer as I detach from my fears, recognizing I am more. (Now all I have to do is say Self to shake myself out of obsessing thoughts and feelings.)

Two: A mantra I chant to myself comes from my dear friend, Jamie Sussel Turner’s book, Less Stress Life: How I Went From Crazed to Calm and You Can, Too. When I’m not reminding myself, you are the Self, I’m chanting, stay in play, stay in play. In her book, Jamie tells the story of how she is coping with her third bout of cancer (the previous scariest “C” word.) She compares managing stress to working the controls on a CD player. Jamie says, when under stress we revert to either rewind (ruminating on the past) or fast forward (catastrophizing and worrying about the future—which most of us are doing now.)

Instead she mentally imagines pressing the play button to stay in the present moment.

“When I don’t stay in play, I am robbing myself of joy. I don’t want to live in constant worry. I will stay in play so I can live my life of three months or thirty years with as much peace, love, and happiness as possible.” Her example inspires me to stay in play and live the blessings that are still present in this moment, even with the Corona Virus hanging over head.

Three: Another thing I’m doing is repeating my old standby affirmation that has helped me not only cope with stress, but return to my Self. I say in a low, soothing voice to actually feel the message, “I am centered, calm, relaxed, focused and peaceful.” Research shows that repeating positive affirmations of the reality we choose, as though it already exists, literally reshapes neural pathways in our brain. Use my affirmation if it sounds appealing, or create one of your own. The trick is to repeat it daily at the same time (awakening and going to bed are easiest times to remember) to absorb the impact of the words.

A Bonus: Connecting

Finally, now that so many of us are isolated at home and social distancing to prevent catching or spreading the Corona Virus, it’s a perfect time to connect with others via video chats. One of my dearest friends, Lynnie, lives in California. Gus and I were supposed to go out there to visit her at the end of February but cancelled our plans.

She called the other day. “I’m so sad, Gailie. Now we won’t be able to see each other for a long time.”

“Lynnie, whenever we’re together all we want to do is talk anyway. Let’s have Face Time dates with each other.”

And that’s what we’re doing. I’m planning to Face Time with most people now. Seeing their faces will feel more like we’re actually together, which is what we need to feel now more than ever.

Your Takeaways

• Catch yourself when your thoughts or emotions begin spinning out of control. Awareness is the first step in self-management.

• Create a mantra to snap yourself back to center such as Self or stay in play, or just ‘play’..

• Create an affirmation of the reality you choose. It will bathe your mind in positivity. Say it daily and often to shift into the inner state you choose to be in.

• Connect more than ever with everyone who has meant anything in your life. You will make them happy and you will be taking a proactive step to feel connected in this crazy time of isolation. Try video chatting to make it feel even more real!

Why not control what you can now and empower yourself!

I want you to know how much it means to me to have each and every one of you in my life. I feel deeply grateful knowing through my blog we can be connected in someway. Your comments that let me know how my message may have touched you, bring me great joy. I wish you complete safety, health and love not only at this perilous time, but always! Bless you and all your loved ones!

Thanksgiving Thoughts—Fill Your Own Cup, Then You Have So Much More to Share

Thanksgiving is coming up, and so we think about gathering with loved ones, the amazing turkey meal, and in the rush of travel and preparations, hopefully, some passing thoughts about all we have to be grateful for. I have discovered daily, hourly, moment-filled gratitude, is what fills my cup, and has literally transformed me! My gratitude practice fuels me to see the good, speak the good, and spread the good, and it can do the same for you.

A Gratitude Practice

I began my gratitude practice many years ago, by reflecting on my day, as I lay my head on my pillow, ready to drift off to sleep. With exuberance from my heart, I’d thank God (believing all the everyday ordinary goodness and safety were huge gifts I was blessed with from beyond) for my loving, devoted husband, for our precious son, Theo, doing well, for my angel sister; then basic things like my steaming bowl of oatmeal accompanied by the NY Times, a brisk walk under sunny skies listening to an inspiring podcast; goals for the day accomplished and savored; moments when I made someone else smile or said the just right thing they needed to hear to keep going; the enrichment of a book or show; the joy of loving kind words received, laughter shared, or a meaningful conversation.

Millions of perceptions, thoughts, experiences, feelings, and people, are cause for gratitude. Overtime, in addition to my sacred bedtime practice, I am grateful moment by moment. The gift this morning of my hot shower and lilac scented soap from my friend, Jere; the swaying branches of the pine tree outside my window as I get to write this blog to you—all reasons to pause and feel the preciousness of now.  My cup is full to the brim with goodness to share.

Gratitude Makes Your Brain Happier

Neuropsychologist, Rick Hanson, author of Hardwiring Happiness, says, though our brains are hardwired to be negative as a survival mechanism passed down from our caveman ancestors, every time we savor a positive moment for 10 seconds or more, we actually install it in our brain and overtime our brain centers actually become more positive.

 Sweeten Your Cup With Self-Praise

A warm cup of gratitude tea is even better sweetened. I sweeten my cup with self-supporting words of praise. We all have inner critics of varied degrees of meanness. Mine used to rear its nasty head whenever I’d disappoint myself or someone else.  It would say things like, “You are no good. You messed up, again! You’re not as good as___.“ Now I talk to myself kindly, gently, sweetly, as I would to anyone I care about. If I mess up, I say, “It’s OK, Gail. You did your best, you’ll do better next time.”

Self-praise is the sweetest of sweets. Each time I do something good, like complete a task or goal, am kind and loving, do something challenging, keep my commitments to myself, make a difference in someone’s life—I do a full-out victory dance in my head, and say to myself (sometimes even aloud), “I’m so proud of you, Gailie!” Self-praise supports me in feeling capable, worthwhile, and good about myself.

I consciously choose these practices. When we saturate our consciousness and brain with gratitude, we develop sight for the good in everyone and everything. When we’re grateful for what is, and we sweeten it with loving self-supportive words, we have so much more to give. Gratitude and self-affirmation are the source from which our loving affirming way of life is sparked.

Your Takeaways

•   Begin a daily gratitude practice to install the good in your brain and heart.

• Be kind to yourself and notice all the good you do. Praise yourself for it! You will be sweetening your own tea and have an abundance of sweetness to share. 

Why not fill your cup with gratitude and the sweetness of self-supporting words, because you have so much good to give! Happiest Thanksgiving, I am grateful to have you in my Affirming Way of Life family. May you feel blessed beyond measure!

Affirming Can be Awkward—Take a Chance…

How many times have you noticed something absolutely wonderful about someone—but didn’t tell them? Or, in the moment thought, what a difference this person has made in my life—but didn’t tell them. Or, you really appreciate the way someone was so there for you—but didn’t tell them. These missed opportunites occur with loved ones, acquaintances, even strangers, and for most of us, the number of times could be in the hundreds and thousands!

I want to share with you an inspiring story from a friend who woke up and became attuned to living her life with no more lost opportunities sharing her heart.

Monica’s Story

Monica is a generous, good-hearted person, yet very quiet and reserved. We became friend over thirty years ago, but drifted apart and hadn’t spent time together in many, many years. A few weeks ago, I saw Monica again when her daughter, a very dear, former student of mine, was in town and invited me to come visit at her mom’s house. As a gift I gave each of them a copy of my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good.

A couple of weeks later, I received a call that I can only describe as a gift as valuable as gold. It was from Monica. She said:

“Gail, I read your book on the airplane on our return flight from vacation, and couldn’t stop reading it. It was like it was written for me. I don’t share what I think and feel. I grew up thinking what I thought wasn’t important. So I just kept it to myself. Even before I read your book I would catch myself at the grocery checkout thinking how beautiful the cashier’s lashes were or admiring her thick mane of hair—but I kept those good thoughts to myself.”

“It was so hard for me to make this call to you! I said to myself, I have to call Gail, and tell her how her book has opened the door to my heart. I tried texting the message, which would be less threatening to me, but each time I wrote the text—it disappeared! This is a sign, I thought, but if I call she’s probably not going to be home or she’ll be busy—this is the story I tell in my head!”

“Gail, I don’t know if saying I’m proud of you is appropriate, so instead I want to say, I’m proud to know you! Your book has given me a pathway to connect with others. I’m so grateful!”

The Impact of Monica’s Epiphany

I’m sharing Monica’s call with you as both givers and receivers of thoughts and feelings from your heart. When Monica told me about her thought process making excuses to avoid being vulnerable and possibly rejected by me, I thought, wow, I can relate to her feelings and I’ll bet many of you can, too. We all make excuses in our heads to not affirm others for fear of being perceived as foolish.

Monica’s openness touched my heart on many levels. I was so honored that my book enabled her to open up in a way she yearned to. I shared a growth moment with her which is always very exciting. I consider her more real and brave now. And as a receiver of her positive words, it was actually the first time she had expressed her admiration or appreciation to me in all the years I’ve known her. Monica’s openness with me made me feel more connected and closer to her. Now I’m looking forward to our sharing of a new more open-hearted relationship.

Living this affirming way of life makes me attuned to messages I hear about expressing our hearts and connecting with others from music, TV, books, or the news, but especially songs. As I wrote this blog Kelly Clarkson’s song, Breakaway—take a chance, make a change, and breakaway (from old heart restrictive patterns) came to mind! Though Kelly’s message is different, listen to it from the mindset of this blog, and be inspired in your own way by Monica’s bold change to continue expressing your heart. Your affirming words may be just what someone needs!

As always, I say, Why Not?