Kindness in the Time of Corona

The other day I got bolder going out into the world and went to my dentist to fix a cracked tooth. My dentist and I reconnected with small talk. Then I said,

“Between the worldwide Corona Virus and protests over the inequities to Black people, we’re living during a time of great change.”

“Oh, people may be kinder now,” my dentist responded. “But it won’t last. Look at how short-lived the caring and kindness was after 9/11.”

I thought, I don’t see it that way. Why do I see all the goodness possible, yet my dentist doesn’t? How can I help others embrace this opportunity to be the change they want to see?

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

When I first heard those words years ago they were life-changing. Gandhi’s message to me was change begins with me. If I want to experience more kindness, be kind. If I seek a peaceful life, find peace within. If I believe in justice and care for all people, support my values in my actions. Lofty important goals, I’m sure you’ll agree, but how do we actually live them when everyday life sneakily distracts us from our intentions? Here’s one way.

A Changed Life, A Better World, Begins with a Choice and a Commitment

A couple of years ago, in my husband Gus’s Greek mountain village, I met a wise, very spiritual woman, who reignited Gandhi’s message in my heart and mind. Despina (who was the same age as me) and I would meet to silently walk together at 6:30 AM to greet the awe-inspiring sunrise over Sparta. On the way back, we’d chat and she’d share equally awe-inspiring thoughts. Here are some that stuck with me:

“All of us live in the world we have inside us. Whatever our inner feelings and thoughts—joy, anger, resentment, jealously, compassion, hate, empathy, love—we spread what’s inside us in the world. If we want to change the world, we must take responsibility for our inner world and our influence on the outer world.”

Despina’s words reverberate in my mind. Here’s two actions I take to make them my reality.

Become the Observer of Your Thoughts

One part of being the change you want to see in the world, is becoming aware of our thoughts and feelings. We think about 60,000 thoughts a day! Many luckily, are inconsequential to our impact on others. But our thoughts that are negative, critical, or negatively impact our emotions are the ones to attend to.

The deeper work here is to ask ourselves: What’s that about? Why am I feeling this way?  You might journal, talk with a trusted close person, or have an inner dialogue with yourself to gain insight as to what to do with the negativity you’re feeling. The important take away here is, your feelings and thoughts are up to you to work through. For the sake of your inner peace and the energy you spread in the world, become the observer of your thoughts.  

Choose Kindness

Possibly the simplest way to commit to being a positive influence in the world is to recognize your common humanity with all people and be kind. Here’s a number of ways I spread good energy through kindness, and you can, too:

1.  Offer words of praise and encouragement freely and generously. A kind word makes someone’s day. Read my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, for lots of inspiration on how to find the words and make the most of your time with others.

2.  Driving on the road, be patient and let others in your lane.

3.  When out walking, even wearing a mask, smile with your eyes and wave to fellow walkers to affirm your connection.

4.  Make it a habit to reach out to at least three people a day through a call, a text, or an email to let them know you’re thinking of them and you care.

5.  Listen and actually take an interest in someone. Be curious about them.

6.  Give, give, give. Give away clothing and things to others, cook for someone ill, give your time to help with a project, the options are endless.

7.  Send good energy in the world daily. Imagine health to all you know who are ill. Imagine blessings to those seeking love. Imagine peace and healing of relationships, of countries, of political parties, of the environment. Everything is energy and your good thoughts do make a difference!

Why not commit to make your inner world and your influence on the outer world as positive as it can be!

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Embrace Change: 4 Questions to Help You

As I contemplated what my new blog topic would be this week, a single word floated up in my mind – CHANGE.  I kept hearing the line from Sam Cook’s 1964 song, “A Change is Gonna Come” - it’s been a long time, a long time coming, but I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will.” You are so right, Sam. It’s been a long time, and everything in the world as we know it is shifting.

 The murder of George Floyd, as a result of police brutality, has catalyzed protests for days on end all over the United States and the world. Floyd is the straw that has broken the camel’s back in the abominable injustice of the treatment of Black people. My heart goes out to him and his family, and all Blacks who have lost their lives because of the color of their skin. A change is coming now… coming fast… and its time!

Between the impact of Covid-19 and the George Floyd protests, our way of life has been totally shaken up.

A Wake-up Call

What’s going on?  I ask myself.

There’s obviously a wake-up call we need as a human race, to change our ways before even more cataclysmic things happen.

Not too many years ago, I had a personal wake-up call. A member of my family had her life turned totally upside down. She was at the top of her game professionally, socially and glowing with inner confidence.  Yet, in the blink of an eye, all that crumbled. She was hospitalized for an unexpected health condition, and we who loved her stood by in shock and fear.

Here’s the similarity to what’s going on in the world. I said to myself, if such a big shake-up has occurred there has to be a larger reason as to why. So my loved one and I each asked ourselves these questions:

• What’s to be learned here?

• What do I need to pay more attention to?

• What’s the opportunity?

• How can I change and grow because of this?

And because she seized the moment to do the work that became clear to her, her life now is richer, more grounded, and much happier. But it took concerted attention, effort, support and time.  

I ask myself those same four questions now.

What’s to be learned here? What do I need to pay attention to?

Covid-19 and racial injustice are each about separation and protection.

The Corona Virus forces us to wear masks and stay six feet apart for protection from life-threatening germs. But we’re painfully separated physically and socially from others. Racial injustice leaves Black people unprotected by our law enforcement and judicial  systems because of ingrained societal separation between Whites and Blacks.

The learning to me is to value everyone, those we love, acquaintances, and those who appear different than us. PEOPLE MATTER.

What’s the opportunity? How can I change and grow because of this?

Covid-19 Opportunity: Connect with loved ones

I’ve noticed how important the people in my life are. When we could freely move around in the world, I was busy going, doing and socializing with many and didn’t always give those dearest to me as much time and attention. Here are changes I’ve made:

• I spend quality time with my house-mate, my husband. Dinners, walks, conversations—I give him my full attention now, and of course daily tell him how grateful I am for him. Our relationship has become more precious.

•   I have weekly dates to FaceTime with a sister-friend and my three nieces with their young babies. In the past I’d speak to them occasionally, but now I water the relationships with my time and care and the result is great joy.

•   My son, Theo and his girlfriend, Sarah, come over for a barbecue once a week. They are my heart and I make sure each week to let them know how much they mean to me.

•   Whoever I FaceTime, zoom, or speak with I make sure to affirm them and let them know how much I appreciate them.

Racial Injustice Opportunity: Connect Through Learning and Action

I’m really impressed by all the companies and institutions who are stepping up to raise our consciousness and are taking action. This morning my email was flooded with meaningful response letters to the protest. I am using the following resources to learn and grow.

• Coursera, a fabulous online opportunity to take free classes from outstanding universities is offering fourteen courses on anti-racism, social justice and inclusion from universities like Stanford, Vanderbilt, Emory, Weslyan, U of Michigan and Rutgers. I’m signing up for one this week, to raise my consciousness.

• My husband and I are taking an online course with the great Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield, entitled Keeping a Steady Heart in Uncertain Times. At his website he offers a list, “75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice,” with actions we can take now.

• Support legislators and leaders who are advocating for humane treatment and protection of the rights of all people. Reach out and affirm them and give them your vote!

Why not ask yourself the four questions and reflect on the meaning of this shake-up for you. Then decide to begin to make some changes starting today!

An Unexpected Covid -19 Gift – Savoring

Yesterday was sunny with a cool breeze, so I seized the opportunity to venture out of my house. As I strolled down my sidewalk, I swooned at the neon green color of my lawn. Rain-drenched spring grass is so vibrant! I thrilled seeing the trees I passed with their infant leaves. Gently raising the end of branches, I marveled at the intricate patterns of leaves, petals and seeds.

“How beautiful you all are! Bless you for continuing your normal flow of life, when nothing is normal for us humans.”

Being cooped up at home, I was appreciating nature more deeply than usual.

The Why

So much is missing from our lives now. We can’t travel, go out to eat, go to venues for entertainment, and worst of all for me, can’t visit with loved ones and friends. Our sphere of activity has shrunk to the confines of our homes and neighborhood. At times, the uncertainty of when the world will be safe to move freely in again, feels like a nightmare I’m fighting to wake up from.

“ Knowing how to cope with negative events and savor positive ones are two sides of the coin of life experiences. Both are essential for living a happy life.”

— Jan Stanley

Focus on All That’s Still Good

So I refocus on what I do have, what I still have. I savor, or focus in on the small everyday good things I am still blessed with. I notice something precious, pause to thoroughly enjoy the pleasure of it, and appreciate in words the joy it’s bringing me.

Here’s an example. I usually put my hands together in thanks for the food I eat, but now, I savor so much beyond the food itself. My go to breakfast these days are smoothies. Before I take my first sip, I thank the sun, the rain and the soil for nurturing the spinach, berries, almonds, ginger, apples, and greens in my protein powder. I thank every person involved in the process of making it possible for these foods to be available to me (with a shout out to my son Theo, who now picks up groceries for his over-age-60 mom). I’m grateful for my trusty Oster blender that liquefies all these wonderful fruits and veggies. And I thank God for it all.

Then I use my senses to fully experience the pleasure of my smoothie. I delight in the its beautiful olive green color, its rich creamy texture, and its cold gingery taste.

A Fresh Perspective on Normal Life

Every life experience, positive or negative, is an opportunity to grow and embrace the challenge before us. In our busy, active lives, we often overlook the fundamental gifts we’re blessed with. Now with our sphere of life so condensed, those gifts are front and center:

A roof over our heads, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, running water, a hot shower and soap to bathe; our health; being able to move, breathe, speak; good books to read, wonderful entertainment to stream, music to lift and soothe our spirit; flowers blooming, the sun rising and setting, the stars in the night sky; loved ones blessedly safe and healthy who we can zoom or FaceTime to share laughter, fears, and our hearts with.  

Savoring our everyday blessings can help us through the greatest challenge of our lifetime. Covid 19 right now seems interminable. We have no idea how long it will be until we can again move freely in the world or embrace our loved ones who live apart from us. I know I am counting the days when I can hug my son, Theo and my sister, Lois. I have a feeling they’ll have to pry me away. For now, appreciating all we do have, is the best way I know to face this challenge.

My vision is that when there is a vaccine, and life resumes, we will be better people for this challenge. We will appreciate the fundamental blessings of our lives (health, home, loved ones, nature) be more generous of spirit, and conserve our precious resources.

Your Takeaways

• Savor all the fundamentals you do have that bring you comfort and pleasure.

• Appreciate sensory details of sight, sound, smell, taste and feelings

• Reach out daily to loved ones to savor your connections.

• Develop the habit of opening your heart to the goodness you’re blessed with.

Why not today, be like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life, and wake up to appreciate the simple joys ever present in your life!

What are you savoring these days? I’d love to hear from you.

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