Unleash Your Positive Possibilities in 2022: Where it Starts

I am sitting in Barnes and Noble at a small, round table by the Starbucks. With pen in hand, and a decaf latte and maple scone to satisfy me, I write a letter to myself in my journal. It’s a reflection of how I’ve done in this past year of my life. I just let it flow, whatever comes to mind goes down on the page. I ask myself questions like:

·       What am I proud of accomplishing or for just being me?

·       What do I want to celebrate about me?

·       What good things have happened?

·       What has challenged me?

·       What ways have I grown or changed that please me? (Even a little, beginnings count for lots)

·       What has delighted me and brought me or others joy?

·       What do I want to work on in my next year?

You get the picture. We are the manager of our lives. Just like companies take stock of their progress in a year to set meaningful goals for the next, we too can take stock to consciously direct our lives. And it begins with reflection.

You don’t have to write it on paper if that doesn’t feel comfortable to you. Reflect on some of these questions as you’re driving to work, showering, or exercising. I don’t actually reflect on each individual question, but a combo of the ones that speak to me. This year I celebrated my growth in its small, subtle ways and the positive actions I took to care for myself on mental, emotional, spiritual and physical levels.

Just to give you an idea of some of the areas I discovered in this process: After training as a coach, I’m a much better listener, not interjecting stories about me, and not telling others how to solve their problems; Less judgment of others, less judgment of myself; I feel shame when I’m a novice in a group of more skilled others (that goes!), I’ve become a supportive mother-in-law and mother by trusting the kids know what they want and not interjecting my unasked for opinions. Yay me!!!

This process is deeply gratifying. We all have our negative self-talk voice that can undermine all the good we do and the ways we are growing. By reflecting, we get to see all the good we’ve done and ways we’ve grown that we may not have consciously noticed. Which leads to…

Envisioning: A First Step in Making Dreams a Reality

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

— Napoleon Hill

The beauty of reflecting on where we’ve been in the past year is it helps us choose where we want to go in the next. Whenever its someone’s birthday I say, “Wishing you your best year yet!” Isn’t that what we want for 2022?

So many of us set goals for the new year that we know we won’t follow through on. “I’m going to lose 10 pounds. I’m going to exercise every day. I’m going to be more positive.”

I’m a great fan of goals, I’m one of those goal-oriented people. And I know accomplishing goals involves focus, breaking the goal down into steps and a structure, and then developing routines and tracking our efforts to build the new behavior into our life. Whew! That takes a lot of energy and focus! Not all of us have the time or free mental space to do that (like now when we have Omicron to contend with.)

But here’s something heartening I’ve noticed—just by voicing our dream or goal to ourselves on paper or even while driving in the car, or to a trusted other person, the process of making our dreams a reality begins.

Around New Year’s I reflect on how I want to grow or move forward in my life at this new starting point. It’s really helpful that I took the time to reflect on my struggles and accomplishments in this present year. It’s like reading up on your next vacation spot. You have lots of info about the area of YOU to decide what you want to do and enjoy in your new year’s travels of living your best life.

As I said earlier, I’m a journal girl. So I make set down my dreams in the pages of my journal. And when I look back on my goals for 2021 it amazes me how many of them became my reality, even when I didn’t work consciously at the goal process!

Here’s why. “The thoughts we think literally become the “things” and events of our life,” Michael Dooley says in his inspiring book, Infinite Possibilities. He goes on to say, “It’s your imagination, beliefs, and expectations that draw you into the action, circumstances, and coincidences that make dream manifestation inevitable.”

So I say to you, give voice in writing or speaking to your dreams and goals for 2022, as an important first step in bringing forward your dearest wants and hopes in the new year!

Your Takeaways

1.     Take time to reflect on your highlights and lowlights of 2021. Free flow with the purpose of discovering your growth, what gave you satisfaction and joy, and what you want to work on for 2022.

2.     Several days later (before the end of week one in January) identify goals for various aspects of your life. Writing is a powerful tool for imprinting your dreams on your conscious and higher mind.

And know I am available as a life coach to help you gain clarity, overcome blocks and unleash your positive possibilities in 2022! Contact me for a free 30 minute introductory session at gail@uppcoach.com. Check out my website: https://www.uppcoach.com/

Thanks for being a loyal reader. Wishing you a very healthy and fabulous 2022!

The Affirming Way of Life can help you start your new year with a positive mindset to accomplish all you dream of! Available at Amazon.

A Holiday Gift for Ourselves – 4 Tips

The beginning of this article isn’t going to sound very “holidayish”, but I promise as you read on, you’ll see the connection and its relevance to you, so hang in there with me.

This topic came to me recently because of a new challenge (marketing my second career) that feels daunting. I bought books on entrepreneurship, took a course on marketing, but still no clear direction has emerged. So, what do I do? I seek encouragement.

Walking with my friend Jere in Princeton, I spill out my feelings of inadequacy. “I was a teacher all my life. I’m not a salesperson. I’m retired. Other people in my course seem to have gotten farther (the old comparison voice is still with me.) Even though I have a strategy I’m not comfortable with it.”

“It’s understandable, Gail. You just need to find the right support to help you take effective action. You did it with your book, which shows you can do it with this new challenge. I’m so impressed with you with all you’ve done. You can do this!” I have other versions of this conversation with my sister, my husband and a handful of close friends.

I am drawn to motivational quotes and write them on notecards that stare up at me from my beside table or hang from the windows behind my writing desk. Each day I read them for an infusion of self-belief.

“If you are positive you’ll see opportunities instead of obstacles.” Confucius

“Measure your worth by your dedication to your path – not success or failure.”  Elizabeth Gilbert

“The credit belongs to the (wo)man who is actually in the arena…who strives valiantly.” Theodore Roosevelt

In the evening when I watch TV with my husband Gus, I jot down inspiration from interviews with people who’ve been challenged and succeeded.

I’ll just say it. I struggle with faith in myself. When it comes to working on a challenge that I don’t feel a clear direction with, or presently have the skills to tackle, I need encouragement. I need support to believe I have what it takes to make my goal possible. You might ask, so what’s wrong with that?

It’s a Matter of Perspective

My perspective! When I recognize that I’m frequently seeking encouragement from the universe, I chastise myself. “I can’t believe you’re at this place again! I would have hoped with all the moral-boosting you did to write your book, you’d have faith in yourself for good!” My tone is that of a disappointed mother, and the feelings of shame make me cower in a corner of my foot.

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.”

— Brene Brown

Shame is not a friend I like to hang out with, so once I clearly recognize her, I seek ways to let her go.  In my training as a coach, I guide clients to reframe, or look at their negative thinking from a more positive empowering perspective. Ah, yes Gail, let’s reframe the shame! Here’s my thought process:

Another way for me to look at seeking encouragement is that it’s actually a strength. It’s a positive attribute to build myself up when facing a challenge. And the frequency of my pursuit shows my passion, determination, and focus.

I honestly feel uplifted and more self-respect just saying those words.

Challenges Come in Many Forms and Packages

The December holidays are such a mixed bag. They can bring great joy and also lots of anxiety, sadness and loneliness. How about you? What challenges you at the holidays? Is it anxiety to please others or prepare perfectly for your family and friends? Does it bring up sadness or disappointment? Or are you like me and have a goal you’re working on and are judging yourself for where you’re at with it? Here’s my tips that I’ve drawn on to help me through my struggle and may be helpful to you, too.

Tips to Empower You During Challenges

1.     Recognize your inner judge voice when it shows up. Mine criticized me for needing encouraging words. The judge is in us all, but it’s not who we are.

2.     Once you recognize how you’ve judged yourself reframe the statement with another authentic, positive way to look at the part of you that you judged.

3.     It’s so empowering to me to remind myself that I’m human and much of what I feel that makes me feel shame others feel, too. Whatever I’m experiencing I’m not a defective person, or worse than others because of it. I love this from my book, The Affirming Way of life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good: “A big part of being human is to make mistakes, suffer, and feel inadequate—not just us but everyone. It helps to understand that countless people have critical voices in their heads.”

4.     Words can be so empowering. Seek supportive, encouraging words from family and friends for comfort, upliftment, motivation…whatever you need. Be open about your doubts and self-judgement with others you can count on to encourage you. Be aware of words that jump off a page and speak to you. Encouraging messages are there for us if we pay attention.

As my husband Gus wisely said when I shared this topic with him, “Just as food fuels our body, positive encouraging words fuel our souls.”

Wishing you inner kindness, appreciation of your humanity, and lots of love this holiday season!

The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good  makes a wonderful holiday gift for anyone at any age you want to share the gift of positive words with.

Think Before You Speak – 5 Tips

“Words have weight. They carry energy and give language its potential to heal or hurt.”

— Madison Taylor

Do you ever wonder like me, where was my head when I said that?  The other night our son, Theo and his bride-to-be, Sarah, were over for dinner. At the end of the meal, as I was boiling water for tea in my electric kettle, I said to my husband, Gus, “Honey, just a reminder, when you use this kettle be sure it’s far away from the cabinets.” (I’ll admit I had an edge to my voice.)

“I always am careful with that.”

“I’m mentioning it because the other day when you were boiling water for me, I saw the steam bathing the cabinets.”

“Well it wasn’t me doing it,” he answered defensively.

Back and forth we went. I saw Sarah get quiet and duck her head to avoid our unnecessary line of fire. Her expression said it all to me. Awkward! Oh, Gail, you didn’t think before you spoke!

By the time Sarah and Theo left it was late, and I knew better than to broach the disagreement then. The next morning I kissed Gus’s cheek and said, “Sorry about last night.”

Kindly he said, “It would have been fine if you’d said it to me privately, but you embarrassed me saying it in front of Sarah.”

In the past I would have beaten myself up for being inconsiderate, but because I’ve been working on showing more empathy to myself I thought, it’s OK Gail, you weren’t thinking of the consequences of your words. You’ll do better next time.

And the crazy thing is, I consciously censor my thoughts before they leave my lips, yet I still at times blurt unnecessary or insensitive words.

How about you. Can you relate?

Psychologists say that it’s common to speak without thinking to our loved ones. One of the benefits of long-term relationships is feeling we can just be our full self. We assume they’ll understand where we’re coming from and not be offended. Not true!

Five Tips for Speaking With More Care

1.      Include the other in your mind before you speak – usually when we speak we’re just thinking of our own feelings and perspective. Embrace the other’s feelings and point of view and consider them as important as your own. When we regard others with more care, it guides us in speaking with more care.

2.      Ask yourself, Will this help or hurt?  Reflect on what you’re about to say. Often our brain is spinning thoughts and our words just blurt out without considering their impact. Slow yourself down before you speak and ask this question as your own friendly inner censor.

3.      Ask yourself, Is what I’m about to say meaningful or relevant to the other person?  If not don’t say it. This is particularly relevant with texting. Often I delete whole statements before I send them realizing its unnecessary information for the other.

4.      Become the observer of your speech. Make it a habit of noticing what you say and how it impacts others. We have the power to manage our thoughts and speech to have a positive impact on others and our relationship with them.

5.      Include affirmations in your conversations. Create positive feelings in your relationships by noticing the good stuff you see in or feel about the person and tell them. When my husband vulnerably told me I embarrassed him, I said, “Thank you honey for being so real and open with me. I am so blessed to have you as my husband.” My affirmation added back some good energy to our relationship.

It’s such a small thing to pause a moment to consider how your words will be received. And it’s such a big thing to say less and care more! Wishing you a wonderful month of positive communicating and connecting!

The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good is available at Amazon. May it support you in living your best most fulfilling life!