Unleash Your Positive Possibilities in 2022: Where it Starts

I am sitting in Barnes and Noble at a small, round table by the Starbucks. With pen in hand, and a decaf latte and maple scone to satisfy me, I write a letter to myself in my journal. It’s a reflection of how I’ve done in this past year of my life. I just let it flow, whatever comes to mind goes down on the page. I ask myself questions like:

·       What am I proud of accomplishing or for just being me?

·       What do I want to celebrate about me?

·       What good things have happened?

·       What has challenged me?

·       What ways have I grown or changed that please me? (Even a little, beginnings count for lots)

·       What has delighted me and brought me or others joy?

·       What do I want to work on in my next year?

You get the picture. We are the manager of our lives. Just like companies take stock of their progress in a year to set meaningful goals for the next, we too can take stock to consciously direct our lives. And it begins with reflection.

You don’t have to write it on paper if that doesn’t feel comfortable to you. Reflect on some of these questions as you’re driving to work, showering, or exercising. I don’t actually reflect on each individual question, but a combo of the ones that speak to me. This year I celebrated my growth in its small, subtle ways and the positive actions I took to care for myself on mental, emotional, spiritual and physical levels.

Just to give you an idea of some of the areas I discovered in this process: After training as a coach, I’m a much better listener, not interjecting stories about me, and not telling others how to solve their problems; Less judgment of others, less judgment of myself; I feel shame when I’m a novice in a group of more skilled others (that goes!), I’ve become a supportive mother-in-law and mother by trusting the kids know what they want and not interjecting my unasked for opinions. Yay me!!!

This process is deeply gratifying. We all have our negative self-talk voice that can undermine all the good we do and the ways we are growing. By reflecting, we get to see all the good we’ve done and ways we’ve grown that we may not have consciously noticed. Which leads to…

Envisioning: A First Step in Making Dreams a Reality

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

— Napoleon Hill

The beauty of reflecting on where we’ve been in the past year is it helps us choose where we want to go in the next. Whenever its someone’s birthday I say, “Wishing you your best year yet!” Isn’t that what we want for 2022?

So many of us set goals for the new year that we know we won’t follow through on. “I’m going to lose 10 pounds. I’m going to exercise every day. I’m going to be more positive.”

I’m a great fan of goals, I’m one of those goal-oriented people. And I know accomplishing goals involves focus, breaking the goal down into steps and a structure, and then developing routines and tracking our efforts to build the new behavior into our life. Whew! That takes a lot of energy and focus! Not all of us have the time or free mental space to do that (like now when we have Omicron to contend with.)

But here’s something heartening I’ve noticed—just by voicing our dream or goal to ourselves on paper or even while driving in the car, or to a trusted other person, the process of making our dreams a reality begins.

Around New Year’s I reflect on how I want to grow or move forward in my life at this new starting point. It’s really helpful that I took the time to reflect on my struggles and accomplishments in this present year. It’s like reading up on your next vacation spot. You have lots of info about the area of YOU to decide what you want to do and enjoy in your new year’s travels of living your best life.

As I said earlier, I’m a journal girl. So I make set down my dreams in the pages of my journal. And when I look back on my goals for 2021 it amazes me how many of them became my reality, even when I didn’t work consciously at the goal process!

Here’s why. “The thoughts we think literally become the “things” and events of our life,” Michael Dooley says in his inspiring book, Infinite Possibilities. He goes on to say, “It’s your imagination, beliefs, and expectations that draw you into the action, circumstances, and coincidences that make dream manifestation inevitable.”

So I say to you, give voice in writing or speaking to your dreams and goals for 2022, as an important first step in bringing forward your dearest wants and hopes in the new year!

Your Takeaways

1.     Take time to reflect on your highlights and lowlights of 2021. Free flow with the purpose of discovering your growth, what gave you satisfaction and joy, and what you want to work on for 2022.

2.     Several days later (before the end of week one in January) identify goals for various aspects of your life. Writing is a powerful tool for imprinting your dreams on your conscious and higher mind.

And know I am available as a life coach to help you gain clarity, overcome blocks and unleash your positive possibilities in 2022! Contact me for a free 30 minute introductory session at gail@uppcoach.com. Check out my website: https://www.uppcoach.com/

Thanks for being a loyal reader. Wishing you a very healthy and fabulous 2022!

The Affirming Way of Life can help you start your new year with a positive mindset to accomplish all you dream of! Available at Amazon.

A Holiday Gift for Ourselves – 4 Tips

The beginning of this article isn’t going to sound very “holidayish”, but I promise as you read on, you’ll see the connection and its relevance to you, so hang in there with me.

This topic came to me recently because of a new challenge (marketing my second career) that feels daunting. I bought books on entrepreneurship, took a course on marketing, but still no clear direction has emerged. So, what do I do? I seek encouragement.

Walking with my friend Jere in Princeton, I spill out my feelings of inadequacy. “I was a teacher all my life. I’m not a salesperson. I’m retired. Other people in my course seem to have gotten farther (the old comparison voice is still with me.) Even though I have a strategy I’m not comfortable with it.”

“It’s understandable, Gail. You just need to find the right support to help you take effective action. You did it with your book, which shows you can do it with this new challenge. I’m so impressed with you with all you’ve done. You can do this!” I have other versions of this conversation with my sister, my husband and a handful of close friends.

I am drawn to motivational quotes and write them on notecards that stare up at me from my beside table or hang from the windows behind my writing desk. Each day I read them for an infusion of self-belief.

“If you are positive you’ll see opportunities instead of obstacles.” Confucius

“Measure your worth by your dedication to your path – not success or failure.”  Elizabeth Gilbert

“The credit belongs to the (wo)man who is actually in the arena…who strives valiantly.” Theodore Roosevelt

In the evening when I watch TV with my husband Gus, I jot down inspiration from interviews with people who’ve been challenged and succeeded.

I’ll just say it. I struggle with faith in myself. When it comes to working on a challenge that I don’t feel a clear direction with, or presently have the skills to tackle, I need encouragement. I need support to believe I have what it takes to make my goal possible. You might ask, so what’s wrong with that?

It’s a Matter of Perspective

My perspective! When I recognize that I’m frequently seeking encouragement from the universe, I chastise myself. “I can’t believe you’re at this place again! I would have hoped with all the moral-boosting you did to write your book, you’d have faith in yourself for good!” My tone is that of a disappointed mother, and the feelings of shame make me cower in a corner of my foot.

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.”

— Brene Brown

Shame is not a friend I like to hang out with, so once I clearly recognize her, I seek ways to let her go.  In my training as a coach, I guide clients to reframe, or look at their negative thinking from a more positive empowering perspective. Ah, yes Gail, let’s reframe the shame! Here’s my thought process:

Another way for me to look at seeking encouragement is that it’s actually a strength. It’s a positive attribute to build myself up when facing a challenge. And the frequency of my pursuit shows my passion, determination, and focus.

I honestly feel uplifted and more self-respect just saying those words.

Challenges Come in Many Forms and Packages

The December holidays are such a mixed bag. They can bring great joy and also lots of anxiety, sadness and loneliness. How about you? What challenges you at the holidays? Is it anxiety to please others or prepare perfectly for your family and friends? Does it bring up sadness or disappointment? Or are you like me and have a goal you’re working on and are judging yourself for where you’re at with it? Here’s my tips that I’ve drawn on to help me through my struggle and may be helpful to you, too.

Tips to Empower You During Challenges

1.     Recognize your inner judge voice when it shows up. Mine criticized me for needing encouraging words. The judge is in us all, but it’s not who we are.

2.     Once you recognize how you’ve judged yourself reframe the statement with another authentic, positive way to look at the part of you that you judged.

3.     It’s so empowering to me to remind myself that I’m human and much of what I feel that makes me feel shame others feel, too. Whatever I’m experiencing I’m not a defective person, or worse than others because of it. I love this from my book, The Affirming Way of life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good: “A big part of being human is to make mistakes, suffer, and feel inadequate—not just us but everyone. It helps to understand that countless people have critical voices in their heads.”

4.     Words can be so empowering. Seek supportive, encouraging words from family and friends for comfort, upliftment, motivation…whatever you need. Be open about your doubts and self-judgement with others you can count on to encourage you. Be aware of words that jump off a page and speak to you. Encouraging messages are there for us if we pay attention.

As my husband Gus wisely said when I shared this topic with him, “Just as food fuels our body, positive encouraging words fuel our souls.”

Wishing you inner kindness, appreciation of your humanity, and lots of love this holiday season!

The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good  makes a wonderful holiday gift for anyone at any age you want to share the gift of positive words with.

We Can Learn a Thing or Two From American Idol

We Can Learn a Thing or Two From American Idol Judges

I was never a fan of American Idol until the 2019 season. During the finals, I was mesmerized as I witnessed Katie Perry’s magnetic eyehold on the contestant, Alejandro. In her sequined dress in all the colors of the rainbow, adorned with big gold disc earnings nearly touching her shoulders, she said, “Homie, everyone was truly listening to you—you could hear a pin drop. It’s such a pleasure to be in the same lifetime as you. You bring original music and artistry.”

 Then Lionel Richie leaning forward in his black sequined jacket added, “Love at first sound. Every now and then someone comes along who captivates your soul. From one song writer to another, happy to have you join the ranks.”

Finally the third judge, Luke Bryant, dressed in his usual casual and scruffy face said, “You play your music your way and when you’re on the cover of Rolling Stone, I’ll buy it.”

Did you notice as I did, something unusual about their feedback?

They were extremely encouraging. Their words to Alejandro and every other contestant said in essence, I see you. You have real talent. Win or lose you have a future in music. They justifiably supported each contestant’s faith in themselves and their hope to break into the music industry.

We Can Encourage Like American Idol Judges

All of us need encouragement, often on a daily basis. Whether we’re weathering a struggle or striving to achieve a goal, (as the contestants were), encouraging words can strengthen our belief in ourselves that we can get through this; we can reach our dream.

Here are some ways we can encourage others:

• Focus on the person’s strengths, in essence you’re saying “You have what it takes.” (Katie described Alejandro’s music as original with great artistry, confirming he had what it takes for his career to take off.)

•   Remind your person of his past successes, in essence saying, “You’ve done it before, you have it in you to do it again.”

•   Share your person’s vision for the future. Encourage him to describe his dream in detail and let him know, “I can see you doing this.” (Luke Bryant expanded Alejandro’s vision imaging him on the cover of Rolling Stone.)

Your Takeaway

Why not be an encourager like the American Idol Judges? All of us are not that different than the contestants. Everyday we strive to work through challenges and achieve small and big dreams. Whether we’re trying to overcome stage fright, connect with an audience and sing our heart out, or attempting to resolve a conflict—everyone needs the support of encouraging words.

Why not begin encouraging today?