3 Simple Coping Mechanisms for the Corona Virus Jitters

Life as we know it is changing on an hour by hour basis. Between continual news updates on the worldwide spread of the Corona Virus, to social distancing, empty shelves of essentials in stores, and the closing of every place of entertainment from restaurants to movie theaters, we’ve never experienced any crisis of this magnitude in our lifetime. It feels like we’ve been dropped into an altered reality. We have.  

I find myself worrying about losing my dearest loved ones, financial loss, and have terribly fearful images of life as I know it—gone. My thoughts are spinning out of control. This is not good, Gail, I think. I mentally shake myself awake and recognize, that though I can’t control Covid-19, I can control my response to it. I’m thinking of you, too, my dear friends. I’m hoping my coping mechanisms may be a support to you at this unpredictable time.

3 Simple Coping Mechanisms

One: I draw upon a technique I began using before the outbreak, from Michael Singer’s life-changing book, The Untethered Soul.  He says we are not the voice in our head because we can observe ourselves speaking and emoting. So I say to myself when I begin angsting “Gail, you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions. You are the Self behind your thoughts and your emotions.” I breathe a huge sigh and feel calmer as I detach from my fears, recognizing I am more. (Now all I have to do is say Self to shake myself out of obsessing thoughts and feelings.)

Two: A mantra I chant to myself comes from my dear friend, Jamie Sussel Turner’s book, Less Stress Life: How I Went From Crazed to Calm and You Can, Too. When I’m not reminding myself, you are the Self, I’m chanting, stay in play, stay in play. In her book, Jamie tells the story of how she is coping with her third bout of cancer (the previous scariest “C” word.) She compares managing stress to working the controls on a CD player. Jamie says, when under stress we revert to either rewind (ruminating on the past) or fast forward (catastrophizing and worrying about the future—which most of us are doing now.)

Instead she mentally imagines pressing the play button to stay in the present moment.

“When I don’t stay in play, I am robbing myself of joy. I don’t want to live in constant worry. I will stay in play so I can live my life of three months or thirty years with as much peace, love, and happiness as possible.” Her example inspires me to stay in play and live the blessings that are still present in this moment, even with the Corona Virus hanging over head.

Three: Another thing I’m doing is repeating my old standby affirmation that has helped me not only cope with stress, but return to my Self. I say in a low, soothing voice to actually feel the message, “I am centered, calm, relaxed, focused and peaceful.” Research shows that repeating positive affirmations of the reality we choose, as though it already exists, literally reshapes neural pathways in our brain. Use my affirmation if it sounds appealing, or create one of your own. The trick is to repeat it daily at the same time (awakening and going to bed are easiest times to remember) to absorb the impact of the words.

A Bonus: Connecting

Finally, now that so many of us are isolated at home and social distancing to prevent catching or spreading the Corona Virus, it’s a perfect time to connect with others via video chats. One of my dearest friends, Lynnie, lives in California. Gus and I were supposed to go out there to visit her at the end of February but cancelled our plans.

She called the other day. “I’m so sad, Gailie. Now we won’t be able to see each other for a long time.”

“Lynnie, whenever we’re together all we want to do is talk anyway. Let’s have Face Time dates with each other.”

And that’s what we’re doing. I’m planning to Face Time with most people now. Seeing their faces will feel more like we’re actually together, which is what we need to feel now more than ever.

Your Takeaways

• Catch yourself when your thoughts or emotions begin spinning out of control. Awareness is the first step in self-management.

• Create a mantra to snap yourself back to center such as Self or stay in play, or just ‘play’..

• Create an affirmation of the reality you choose. It will bathe your mind in positivity. Say it daily and often to shift into the inner state you choose to be in.

• Connect more than ever with everyone who has meant anything in your life. You will make them happy and you will be taking a proactive step to feel connected in this crazy time of isolation. Try video chatting to make it feel even more real!

Why not control what you can now and empower yourself!

I want you to know how much it means to me to have each and every one of you in my life. I feel deeply grateful knowing through my blog we can be connected in someway. Your comments that let me know how my message may have touched you, bring me great joy. I wish you complete safety, health and love not only at this perilous time, but always! Bless you and all your loved ones!

Develop This One Habit to Extend Your Life

What would you say if I told you eating well, genetics, and exercise are not the greatest predictors of how you’ll grow old? That’s right.

An exciting 80 year study, conducted by Harvard researchers reveals the surprising secret to a long happy life. Following 724 men of all different walks of life—from college age throughout the course of their whole life, they found that quality RELATIONSHIPS were the single greatest predictor of aging well.

“Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier,” says Robert Waldinger, director of the study. “It wasn’t their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.”

I highly recommend Waldinger’s twelve minute TED talk “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness.” It’s been viewed over 30,000,000 times, if that’s any indicator of the interest in the study’s findings!

Harvard Study Supports The Affirming Way of Life

I of course, got excited about this information because it supports my essential message in The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good: our relationships are precious. When we nurture them with heartfelt sincere praise and appreciation, we feel closer and more connected. And now we know, not only does it make us feel more fulfilled emotionally and spiritually, it extends our physical lives, too! 

So I ask you, how are you tending your precious relationships? Do you pause each day to take in and appreciate something about those you’re closest to? Do you then take a moment and tell the person the good you notice and feel?

I totally understand that when you read this, you think to yourself, I should do that. It’s a good idea. And then you don’t. Why not? Maybe it’s because we’re all flooded with so much input: responsibilities, angst over the news, health concerns, family worries, we’re tired… that we just don’t think of it.

Make it a Habit

Here’s my suggestion: Make affirming a habit.

Let me tell you how I made it a habit. As I was writing The Affirming Way of Life, I realized not only was I not appreciating my husband, I was actually taking him for granted. Rather than noticing the good he did and the warmth and kindness he brought into my life, my focus was on the things he didn’t do. My wake-up call came when he said to me, “You always have positive things to say about the people you work with, but I don’t hear a word of appreciation about me.”

Whoa! My affirmer-self felt ashamed. He was right. I began by affirming him regularly for one thing—doing the dishes. “Thanks honey. I so appreciate you washing the dishes. I feel calmer when the kitchen is clean.” My affirmations expanded to appreciating him for listening, for considering my feelings…for many of his substantial actions and ways of being.

The more I affirmed Gus, the more he affirmed me, and a more loving vibe began flowing between us. This experience showed me how necessary affirming is to nurturing the love and joy in our relationship. So my tips are:

• Commit to affirming your dearest loved one(s) daily. Consider it like brushing your teeth, necessary for your well-being.

• Pause and ask yourself: What do I appreciate or admire about my person today or in general? How does my person impact my life?

• Affirm your person specifically and sincerely. When we are specific, we give the person something to repeat to themselves to build their inner good feelings. When we’re sincere, our words go from our heart to theirs. We nurture warmth that deepens the love and joy in our relationships and even extends our longevity.

Why not extend your life by regularly affirming the precious people in your life—starting today!

Your Caring Words Can Save a Life

This is how much our caring words mean—they can save a life. Even if it’s not literally, our caring words in person or in a note, an email, or a text can touch someone’s life when they need it most. Here’s an inspiring story of when the words didn’t show up, the miracle that followed, and the life dedicated to reminding others to seize the moment and express caring words when they’re direly needed. 

If Just One Person Showed They Cared

Recently, one of on my favorite morning shows, CBS Sunday Morning, featured Kevin Hines. When he was nineteen, feeling like a hopeless burden on everyone, he jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Hines was one of only thirty jumpers out of 1600 to have survived. He said, “If just one person had showed me an ounce of concern, I wouldn’t have jumped.”

 He knows how much caring words mean. When he was hospitalized for his injuries, he received a note that said, “You’re a good person and you matter.” This made all the difference in his recovery. Now he travels around the country talking about suicide prevention and the role of caring letters.

Hines says, “A note is tangible, something you can hold onto, and read over and over for support.”

Caring Letters and Suicide Prevention

Caring letters as an approach to prevent suicide was the brainchild of Dr. Jerry Motto, a psychiatrist at the University of CA. During World War II when he was overseas, the letters he received from home made him feel connected. He thought, why not offer the same sense of connection to patients?

 In the early ‘70’s he conducted a study of people recently released from psychiatric hospitals and at risk for suicide. Half the group received about eight caring notes a year   from his staff, and the other half didn’t. In the first two years the suicide rate of those receiving caring letters was half the rate of those who didn’t. Caring notes are worth their weight in gold when someone is vulnerable and suffering.

A Story Close to Home

I know how much caring notes mean when someone’s at their lowest. When my sister-in-law Fay, was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer, initially she felt her life was over. But she says the caring notes she’d surprisingly receive totally shifted her attitude.

 “Week after week I’d receive cards from other women living with ovarian cancer. It was so kind of these strangers to write me to lift my spirits. I stopped feeling poor me. If they could survive, I thought I could too. The cards made me feel hopeful. Each was a little blessing.”

This is what living the affirming way of life is about. Seize the moment to make a difference in someone else’s life by expressing your heart or a few kind words. Here are six tips to get yourself going:

6 Tips on Sending Caring Notes

1.  Reach out and don’t make excuses to yourself when you notice someone is feeling low.

2. A few heartfelt sentences of hope is gold to someone who’s sad or down in the dumps.

3. In your words, focus on what you value in the person. “You are a kind person. I never hear you say a bad thing about anyone.”

4. Say something encouraging. “You’re going to get through this.”

5. Make your message about the receiver not yourself. Instead of beginning with “I…” begin with “You..”

6. Don’t over think your message. Better to send an email or text or to make a call than not. Time can be of the essence!

Learn more about Kevin Hines work in his book, Cracked Not Broken, Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt. He also has a documentary, Suicide: The Ripple Effect.

Why not send that caring note today and lift someone’s spirits!