3 Simple Coping Mechanisms for the Corona Virus Jitters

Life as we know it is changing on an hour by hour basis. Between continual news updates on the worldwide spread of the Corona Virus, to social distancing, empty shelves of essentials in stores, and the closing of every place of entertainment from restaurants to movie theaters, we’ve never experienced any crisis of this magnitude in our lifetime. It feels like we’ve been dropped into an altered reality. We have.  

I find myself worrying about losing my dearest loved ones, financial loss, and have terribly fearful images of life as I know it—gone. My thoughts are spinning out of control. This is not good, Gail, I think. I mentally shake myself awake and recognize, that though I can’t control Covid-19, I can control my response to it. I’m thinking of you, too, my dear friends. I’m hoping my coping mechanisms may be a support to you at this unpredictable time.

3 Simple Coping Mechanisms

One: I draw upon a technique I began using before the outbreak, from Michael Singer’s life-changing book, The Untethered Soul.  He says we are not the voice in our head because we can observe ourselves speaking and emoting. So I say to myself when I begin angsting “Gail, you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions. You are the Self behind your thoughts and your emotions.” I breathe a huge sigh and feel calmer as I detach from my fears, recognizing I am more. (Now all I have to do is say Self to shake myself out of obsessing thoughts and feelings.)

Two: A mantra I chant to myself comes from my dear friend, Jamie Sussel Turner’s book, Less Stress Life: How I Went From Crazed to Calm and You Can, Too. When I’m not reminding myself, you are the Self, I’m chanting, stay in play, stay in play. In her book, Jamie tells the story of how she is coping with her third bout of cancer (the previous scariest “C” word.) She compares managing stress to working the controls on a CD player. Jamie says, when under stress we revert to either rewind (ruminating on the past) or fast forward (catastrophizing and worrying about the future—which most of us are doing now.)

Instead she mentally imagines pressing the play button to stay in the present moment.

“When I don’t stay in play, I am robbing myself of joy. I don’t want to live in constant worry. I will stay in play so I can live my life of three months or thirty years with as much peace, love, and happiness as possible.” Her example inspires me to stay in play and live the blessings that are still present in this moment, even with the Corona Virus hanging over head.

Three: Another thing I’m doing is repeating my old standby affirmation that has helped me not only cope with stress, but return to my Self. I say in a low, soothing voice to actually feel the message, “I am centered, calm, relaxed, focused and peaceful.” Research shows that repeating positive affirmations of the reality we choose, as though it already exists, literally reshapes neural pathways in our brain. Use my affirmation if it sounds appealing, or create one of your own. The trick is to repeat it daily at the same time (awakening and going to bed are easiest times to remember) to absorb the impact of the words.

A Bonus: Connecting

Finally, now that so many of us are isolated at home and social distancing to prevent catching or spreading the Corona Virus, it’s a perfect time to connect with others via video chats. One of my dearest friends, Lynnie, lives in California. Gus and I were supposed to go out there to visit her at the end of February but cancelled our plans.

She called the other day. “I’m so sad, Gailie. Now we won’t be able to see each other for a long time.”

“Lynnie, whenever we’re together all we want to do is talk anyway. Let’s have Face Time dates with each other.”

And that’s what we’re doing. I’m planning to Face Time with most people now. Seeing their faces will feel more like we’re actually together, which is what we need to feel now more than ever.

Your Takeaways

• Catch yourself when your thoughts or emotions begin spinning out of control. Awareness is the first step in self-management.

• Create a mantra to snap yourself back to center such as Self or stay in play, or just ‘play’..

• Create an affirmation of the reality you choose. It will bathe your mind in positivity. Say it daily and often to shift into the inner state you choose to be in.

• Connect more than ever with everyone who has meant anything in your life. You will make them happy and you will be taking a proactive step to feel connected in this crazy time of isolation. Try video chatting to make it feel even more real!

Why not control what you can now and empower yourself!

I want you to know how much it means to me to have each and every one of you in my life. I feel deeply grateful knowing through my blog we can be connected in someway. Your comments that let me know how my message may have touched you, bring me great joy. I wish you complete safety, health and love not only at this perilous time, but always! Bless you and all your loved ones!

Develop This One Habit to Extend Your Life

What would you say if I told you eating well, genetics, and exercise are not the greatest predictors of how you’ll grow old? That’s right.

An exciting 80 year study, conducted by Harvard researchers reveals the surprising secret to a long happy life. Following 724 men of all different walks of life—from college age throughout the course of their whole life, they found that quality RELATIONSHIPS were the single greatest predictor of aging well.

“Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier,” says Robert Waldinger, director of the study. “It wasn’t their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.”

I highly recommend Waldinger’s twelve minute TED talk “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness.” It’s been viewed over 30,000,000 times, if that’s any indicator of the interest in the study’s findings!

Harvard Study Supports The Affirming Way of Life

I of course, got excited about this information because it supports my essential message in The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good: our relationships are precious. When we nurture them with heartfelt sincere praise and appreciation, we feel closer and more connected. And now we know, not only does it make us feel more fulfilled emotionally and spiritually, it extends our physical lives, too! 

So I ask you, how are you tending your precious relationships? Do you pause each day to take in and appreciate something about those you’re closest to? Do you then take a moment and tell the person the good you notice and feel?

I totally understand that when you read this, you think to yourself, I should do that. It’s a good idea. And then you don’t. Why not? Maybe it’s because we’re all flooded with so much input: responsibilities, angst over the news, health concerns, family worries, we’re tired… that we just don’t think of it.

Make it a Habit

Here’s my suggestion: Make affirming a habit.

Let me tell you how I made it a habit. As I was writing The Affirming Way of Life, I realized not only was I not appreciating my husband, I was actually taking him for granted. Rather than noticing the good he did and the warmth and kindness he brought into my life, my focus was on the things he didn’t do. My wake-up call came when he said to me, “You always have positive things to say about the people you work with, but I don’t hear a word of appreciation about me.”

Whoa! My affirmer-self felt ashamed. He was right. I began by affirming him regularly for one thing—doing the dishes. “Thanks honey. I so appreciate you washing the dishes. I feel calmer when the kitchen is clean.” My affirmations expanded to appreciating him for listening, for considering my feelings…for many of his substantial actions and ways of being.

The more I affirmed Gus, the more he affirmed me, and a more loving vibe began flowing between us. This experience showed me how necessary affirming is to nurturing the love and joy in our relationship. So my tips are:

• Commit to affirming your dearest loved one(s) daily. Consider it like brushing your teeth, necessary for your well-being.

• Pause and ask yourself: What do I appreciate or admire about my person today or in general? How does my person impact my life?

• Affirm your person specifically and sincerely. When we are specific, we give the person something to repeat to themselves to build their inner good feelings. When we’re sincere, our words go from our heart to theirs. We nurture warmth that deepens the love and joy in our relationships and even extends our longevity.

Why not extend your life by regularly affirming the precious people in your life—starting today!

2020 - Make it a Dreams Come True Year!

I take every new beginning—birthdays, the Jewish New Year, New Years Day... as an opportunity to start fresh, and what can be a fresher opportunity than a new decade! I want to share with you my New Year’s ritual that has assisted me in fulfilling long-awaited dreams and can become your ticket to realizing your dearest dreams, too.

My ritual started back in my mid-twenties when I lived in a hippie bungalow and was at a rather stuck time of my life. On January one I would don a headband of two silver glittered stars boinging from two slender, metal springs. ( I obviously was trying to rouse the dream-fulfilling fairy.) With pen and paper in hand I’d write down my visions for the New Year phrasing them as if they were already a reality.

Many people don’t take their New Year’s resolutions seriously, with their busy lives-- out-of-sight, out-of-mind. My way of committing to fulfilling my goals is to keep my New Year’s visions in sight. After I carefully write my dearest yearned for dreams in my journal, I copy them in my favorite colored marker onto a large index card and hang them in a place I will look many times a day. Good places for me have been in the bathroom by my mirror, in my clothes closet, and above my desk.

As I say in The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, “Many successful people like Suze Ormand, the financial guru, Mohammed Ali, and Lady Gaga attribute the writing of visions and the use of affirmations to creating the positive mindset that helped them achieve their goals. Immersing our mind in positive thoughts shapes our reality.”

The Process of Dream Realization

As you start this new decade, what changes do you deeply desire to bring about? Consider every level of your life and your self. Are there some personal habits you want to develop? What new good energy do you want to bring to your relationships? How do you want to become more balanced spiritually, mentally, physically, or emotionally? Is there a hobby or experiences you want for more fun? Are their changes you want to bring about for more satisfaction and success with your work?

Whatever your goals, flesh them out. If you identify them, and state them as if they already are your reality, and then daily repeat them to yourself…they will in time become your life. I know because I have been envisioning this way for over forty years and though my goals were not actualized overnight, nearly every one I’ve ever created has manifested. 

Envisioning is taking yourself and your dreams seriously. It’s believing in your capability to realize what is unseen in the present. It’s trusting that though you haven’t shown the discipline to do what you dream of yet, it is in you. Some of my dreams have been on my list for many years, and that’s OK. I know I keep evolving and bring new perspective, confidence and capability each year to my efforts to realize my dreams.

Here’s some of my visions that I’ve immersed my mind and efforts to fulfill, and I will tell you, these were originally miles from my reality:

• I exercise regularly and feel strong and energized.

•   Gus and I travel widely and have great fun together doing it.

•   I write and publish a book that impacts others greatly.

•   We live in a gracious home that is a warm gathering place for friends and family.

  Your Takeaways

• Your visions and dreams are possible.

• For New Year’s, write out your dearest heart-held dreams and visions.

• Rewrite them as if they are already a reality.

• Write or type them attractively on a card and post your vision where you will see them and repeat them daily.

• Believe in your capability to realize your dreams, and take actions that come to you.

Wishing all my blog reader’s faith in yourself as a powerful actualizer! It’s true. I know because I used to be the furthest from that myself. Thank you for being a loyal blog reader and supporter of The Affirming Way of Life. May you and your loved ones be blessed with health, inner peace, and always lots of love! Shoin! And so it is!