Your Caring Words Can Save a Life

This is how much our caring words mean—they can save a life. Even if it’s not literally, our caring words in person or in a note, an email, or a text can touch someone’s life when they need it most. Here’s an inspiring story of when the words didn’t show up, the miracle that followed, and the life dedicated to reminding others to seize the moment and express caring words when they’re direly needed. 

If Just One Person Showed They Cared

Recently, one of on my favorite morning shows, CBS Sunday Morning, featured Kevin Hines. When he was nineteen, feeling like a hopeless burden on everyone, he jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Hines was one of only thirty jumpers out of 1600 to have survived. He said, “If just one person had showed me an ounce of concern, I wouldn’t have jumped.”

 He knows how much caring words mean. When he was hospitalized for his injuries, he received a note that said, “You’re a good person and you matter.” This made all the difference in his recovery. Now he travels around the country talking about suicide prevention and the role of caring letters.

Hines says, “A note is tangible, something you can hold onto, and read over and over for support.”

Caring Letters and Suicide Prevention

Caring letters as an approach to prevent suicide was the brainchild of Dr. Jerry Motto, a psychiatrist at the University of CA. During World War II when he was overseas, the letters he received from home made him feel connected. He thought, why not offer the same sense of connection to patients?

 In the early ‘70’s he conducted a study of people recently released from psychiatric hospitals and at risk for suicide. Half the group received about eight caring notes a year   from his staff, and the other half didn’t. In the first two years the suicide rate of those receiving caring letters was half the rate of those who didn’t. Caring notes are worth their weight in gold when someone is vulnerable and suffering.

A Story Close to Home

I know how much caring notes mean when someone’s at their lowest. When my sister-in-law Fay, was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer, initially she felt her life was over. But she says the caring notes she’d surprisingly receive totally shifted her attitude.

 “Week after week I’d receive cards from other women living with ovarian cancer. It was so kind of these strangers to write me to lift my spirits. I stopped feeling poor me. If they could survive, I thought I could too. The cards made me feel hopeful. Each was a little blessing.”

This is what living the affirming way of life is about. Seize the moment to make a difference in someone else’s life by expressing your heart or a few kind words. Here are six tips to get yourself going:

6 Tips on Sending Caring Notes

1.  Reach out and don’t make excuses to yourself when you notice someone is feeling low.

2. A few heartfelt sentences of hope is gold to someone who’s sad or down in the dumps.

3. In your words, focus on what you value in the person. “You are a kind person. I never hear you say a bad thing about anyone.”

4. Say something encouraging. “You’re going to get through this.”

5. Make your message about the receiver not yourself. Instead of beginning with “I…” begin with “You..”

6. Don’t over think your message. Better to send an email or text or to make a call than not. Time can be of the essence!

Learn more about Kevin Hines work in his book, Cracked Not Broken, Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt. He also has a documentary, Suicide: The Ripple Effect.

Why not send that caring note today and lift someone’s spirits!

2020 - Make it a Dreams Come True Year!

I take every new beginning—birthdays, the Jewish New Year, New Years Day... as an opportunity to start fresh, and what can be a fresher opportunity than a new decade! I want to share with you my New Year’s ritual that has assisted me in fulfilling long-awaited dreams and can become your ticket to realizing your dearest dreams, too.

My ritual started back in my mid-twenties when I lived in a hippie bungalow and was at a rather stuck time of my life. On January one I would don a headband of two silver glittered stars boinging from two slender, metal springs. ( I obviously was trying to rouse the dream-fulfilling fairy.) With pen and paper in hand I’d write down my visions for the New Year phrasing them as if they were already a reality.

Many people don’t take their New Year’s resolutions seriously, with their busy lives-- out-of-sight, out-of-mind. My way of committing to fulfilling my goals is to keep my New Year’s visions in sight. After I carefully write my dearest yearned for dreams in my journal, I copy them in my favorite colored marker onto a large index card and hang them in a place I will look many times a day. Good places for me have been in the bathroom by my mirror, in my clothes closet, and above my desk.

As I say in The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, “Many successful people like Suze Ormand, the financial guru, Mohammed Ali, and Lady Gaga attribute the writing of visions and the use of affirmations to creating the positive mindset that helped them achieve their goals. Immersing our mind in positive thoughts shapes our reality.”

The Process of Dream Realization

As you start this new decade, what changes do you deeply desire to bring about? Consider every level of your life and your self. Are there some personal habits you want to develop? What new good energy do you want to bring to your relationships? How do you want to become more balanced spiritually, mentally, physically, or emotionally? Is there a hobby or experiences you want for more fun? Are their changes you want to bring about for more satisfaction and success with your work?

Whatever your goals, flesh them out. If you identify them, and state them as if they already are your reality, and then daily repeat them to yourself…they will in time become your life. I know because I have been envisioning this way for over forty years and though my goals were not actualized overnight, nearly every one I’ve ever created has manifested. 

Envisioning is taking yourself and your dreams seriously. It’s believing in your capability to realize what is unseen in the present. It’s trusting that though you haven’t shown the discipline to do what you dream of yet, it is in you. Some of my dreams have been on my list for many years, and that’s OK. I know I keep evolving and bring new perspective, confidence and capability each year to my efforts to realize my dreams.

Here’s some of my visions that I’ve immersed my mind and efforts to fulfill, and I will tell you, these were originally miles from my reality:

• I exercise regularly and feel strong and energized.

•   Gus and I travel widely and have great fun together doing it.

•   I write and publish a book that impacts others greatly.

•   We live in a gracious home that is a warm gathering place for friends and family.

  Your Takeaways

• Your visions and dreams are possible.

• For New Year’s, write out your dearest heart-held dreams and visions.

• Rewrite them as if they are already a reality.

• Write or type them attractively on a card and post your vision where you will see them and repeat them daily.

• Believe in your capability to realize your dreams, and take actions that come to you.

Wishing all my blog reader’s faith in yourself as a powerful actualizer! It’s true. I know because I used to be the furthest from that myself. Thank you for being a loyal blog reader and supporter of The Affirming Way of Life. May you and your loved ones be blessed with health, inner peace, and always lots of love! Shoin! And so it is!

Don’t Wait—Say it Now!

Have you ever lost a loved one and thought about all the good things you wished you’d said? Why regret it? Here’s something wonderful you can do.

My sister recently had a milestone birthday. As we were talking about her upcoming celebration she made a very telling remark: It’s so sad that often it isn’t until someone’s funeral eulogies that people speak about how much the person meant to them. I think it would be wonderful to know how people feel about me while I’m alive!  

That is how my sister’s Tribute book came into being. I sent letters to her daughters, son-in-laws, in-laws, our cousins, her closest friends growing up and now, gave one to my husband, Gus and my son, Theo—asking each to write a letter to Lois, expressing what they love, admire and appreciate about her.  When the letters arrived I put them in a beautiful binder sliding each letter into a plastic protective sheet. I presented the book to my sister at her party and she was SO happy!

The day after her celebration we spent at least an hour on the phone kfelling (Yiddish for expressing pleasure) over the letters. She loved and treasured every word because her loved ones had given her the most precious gift—they’d generously and specifically expressed their love for her.  I think of the parts she read to me: “I couldn’t get over how Dave (her son-in-law) said ‘Thank you for all your positivity, happiness, and most importantly for instilling so many of the values in Becky that connect us. You are a second mother to me.’  I never knew he felt that way. It makes me feel much closer to him.”

About the letter from my husband Lois gushed, “I can’t get over how Gus said, ‘They say you can’t pick your family and that is true for your in-laws too, but Lois, I pick you! I appreciate your goodness, kindness and most of all unselfishness that is part of your essence.’ Wow! Gus and I have gotten along from day one, but it feels so good to hear the way he feels toward me and appreciates the way I am.”

A letter from a doctor-friend who was head of the department at the previous hospital where she worked boosted her sense of self. “I always think of Melissa as a genius, and for her to say I was smart, meant so much to me. I thought she’d say I was great with people, but smart…I’m so touched.”

Hopefully most of us know we matter to our family, our closest friends, our co-workers—but receiving a letter expressing our value to another is priceless! When we’re feeling a little down or unloved, we can take those letters out to lift our spirits and be reminded, we matter, we’re loved, we’re appreciated for being just the way we are—we make a difference. As givers and receivers tribute letters are joy, joy, joy!

In my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, I reference Brian Doyle’s TEDx talk, 365 Days of Thank You. After a near fatal car accident, he made it a yearlong mission to thank every person who ever touched his life positively. He did it by phone or in person then wrote them an in-depth letter. Check out his 365 days of thank you blog http://www.briandoyle.co/gratitude  for great letter inspirations. (First you’ll come to a page of graphic images, double click and it will take you to his website.)

Your Takeaways

• So I say to you, who touches your heart? Who do you feel grateful for that you haven’t told? Why not seize the moment and write them a letter today.

• Be specific because then it gives the other person something to repeat in their mind—to savor, and possibly feel wonderful about in a way they haven’t before.

• Be generous with your praise. Gush. What comes from the heart touches the heart. And aren’t heart connections the joy of our life?

• Write a letter, create a tribute book for someone special’s big celebration, send a video – be creative expressing your heart!

Why not say it now with the gift of your words, rather than waiting till it’s too late!