One Game-Changing Tip to Stay Connected When Quarantined

See the good, speak the good, spread the good…we need to do this now more than ever. It’s been a year since my book, The Affirming Way of Life was published. Yay! From my first visions of the book and everyday, I picture my book helping to transform the way people express their hearts and deepen their connections. What in our lives is more important than the people we love? During our extended quarantine, unable to be with so many of the people who mean so much to us, we can spread the good by regularly reaching out with a call of words of appreciation from our heart.

A week ago, when I first became homebound, I was in a state of panic over everything from the stock market, to fear of losing our house, worry there’d be no way to get essentials for living, and the very worst—fear of losing loved ones. So I began texting people I love that I normally don’t reach out to. I discovered my way of dealing with fear is to take action. Before I got out of bed on day 2 of quarantine, I texted three people dear to me.

The first was my cousin Jodie’s grown daughter, Jessica. I texted her:

“Jess, love you so much. Sending you and your family blessings for health and safety at this crazy time . I so appreciate the special connection we have had your whole life. I am always so proud of you for everything you are!”

Jessica responded: “I passed my oral boards! Thank you for always rooting for me and believing in me. Passover at your house is my favorite holiday. Will miss you!”

The next day my friend Ann called me and before we hung up I said, “Talking to you is such a comfort. You’re like a bowl of delicious matzah ball soup.” She was thrilled with my words, and gave me an unexpected beautiful affirmation back.

A Way to Spread the Good

The joy shared gave me a mission: I would contact three different people every day to let them know how much they mean to me. It would give me a way to remain connected while I couldn’t actually be with others, and it distracted me from my fearful thoughts. And most importantly, it enables me to spread the good!

We all in moments of reflection say, “Life is short. I need to seize the moment to appreciate my loved ones.” But do we? We are usually so distracted with everyday living that we forget to treat our life and the people in it preciously. As Michael Singer, in The Untethered Soul says, “How much love could you give the ones you love, knowing it would be the last time you’d get to be with them? Think about what it would be like if you lived like that every moment.”

We have the time now, lots of time. Why not join me in spreading the good to all your relationships?

I’ve created a list of dates and the people I will contact each day (lists make me feel a sense of accomplishment). It makes me feel good seeing the people’s names and remembering the warm connection we shared when I called.  I also have a to-do notebook with a growing list of names of who I want to reach out to. It’s a project I feel good about and a simple way to support myself and feel like I’m doing something good in the world.  

Your Takeaways

• Make a list daily of three people in your life you love-value and want to let know how much they mean to you.

• Reach out with some normal conversation, but affirm them before you hang up.

• Try Face Time, Skype, or any of the other video ways to connect, so you feel like you’re actually together. I’m choosing Face Time as much as possible. Regular calls and texts are make just as much an impact.

• Be specific and sincere about what you value and appreciate about the person, and let the warmth you feel come through in your voice.

  
  

• Ask each person you reach out to, to reach out to three others daily. You’ll help me make my dream a reality and you will be making a difference even while you’re homebound.

Please share with me your stories of spreading the good. I’m here to help you share your love!

If I haven’t contacted you – do reach out to me. I promise to give you a personal affirmation from my heart!

Loving Parenting – Impacting Generations

Do you ever ponder the legacy you’re leaving? By legacy I mean the impact your life has on those whose lives you touch, especially your children, grandchildren, and any of the younger generation. I do. Frequently.  An unexpected phone call awakened me to the unimagined magnitude our impact can reach.

The Inspiring Conversation

The call was from Wes, my son, Theo’s best friend, who’s like a second son to me. I’d sent him a warm thank you note for his recent help creating a YouTube channel for me.

“Mrs. Sigg, I just wanted to tell you how happy I was to help, how much your note meant, and I want to apologize.”

Apologize? I was confused.

“I was short with you towards the end of our work session, and I was mad at myself for not having better control. I’d never want to offend you. You mean so much to me.” He then explained to me the reason for his reaction.

“I didn’t think a thing of it,” I responded. “I figured you had other work to move on to. But, I so appreciate you being so real and open with me about what was going on with you. The fact that you care enough to make things right with me, means the world to me. How lucky Theo and I am to have such a deep, loving connection with you.”

What Wes said next is the part that blew me away, and I gift to you.

“Both Theo and I communicate this way with you because you and Mr. Sigg, and my parents, have given us 100% pure, supportive love. You have allowed us to express our feeling and thoughts freely without censure. Loving acceptance sets the tone for open communication.

“The gift of being loving, non-judgmental parents will not only live on after you’re gone, but will ripple through generations to come far beyond our life and our kids’ lives.”

“Thank you, dear boy. You just gave me the most precious of gifts.” His depth of feeling, the thought of us all being gone (yikes!), and the long-range impact our lives indeed have, made me teary.

Your Takeaways

How often do we consider our legacy, the parts of us that will live on in others? What do you want your children and grandchildren to say they learned from you?

Spreading good, loving energy to others is the greatest gift we can offer—it’s what we’re here for. I thought about the qualities of love Wes recognized we offered him. Here’s my reflection on how Wes’s parents and Gus and I nurtured the boys to impact them to be aware, communicative loving young men. Why not consider making one of the following tips a habit starting today:

• Look with eyes for what’s best in your children, and tell them something positive you see in them every day, or each time you’re together.

• Accept your children for who they are and squash your judgments when they arise. Communicate the message, “I am in your corner and I have faith in you.”

• Take a sincere interest in their life. Listen fully when your child speaks. As the lyric from the musical Hamilton goes, “Say less, smile more.”

• Be real—express your own emotions, but not targeted at them. You will show them you’re human, and validate being open and expressive with emotions.  

• Love, love, love your children, your grandchildren, all the young ‘uns. Show your love. Love is the greatest power on earth!

So I say to you, why not begin thinking of your loving legacy today?

Develop This One Habit to Extend Your Life

What would you say if I told you eating well, genetics, and exercise are not the greatest predictors of how you’ll grow old? That’s right.

An exciting 80 year study, conducted by Harvard researchers reveals the surprising secret to a long happy life. Following 724 men of all different walks of life—from college age throughout the course of their whole life, they found that quality RELATIONSHIPS were the single greatest predictor of aging well.

“Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier,” says Robert Waldinger, director of the study. “It wasn’t their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.”

I highly recommend Waldinger’s twelve minute TED talk “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness.” It’s been viewed over 30,000,000 times, if that’s any indicator of the interest in the study’s findings!

Harvard Study Supports The Affirming Way of Life

I of course, got excited about this information because it supports my essential message in The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good: our relationships are precious. When we nurture them with heartfelt sincere praise and appreciation, we feel closer and more connected. And now we know, not only does it make us feel more fulfilled emotionally and spiritually, it extends our physical lives, too! 

So I ask you, how are you tending your precious relationships? Do you pause each day to take in and appreciate something about those you’re closest to? Do you then take a moment and tell the person the good you notice and feel?

I totally understand that when you read this, you think to yourself, I should do that. It’s a good idea. And then you don’t. Why not? Maybe it’s because we’re all flooded with so much input: responsibilities, angst over the news, health concerns, family worries, we’re tired… that we just don’t think of it.

Make it a Habit

Here’s my suggestion: Make affirming a habit.

Let me tell you how I made it a habit. As I was writing The Affirming Way of Life, I realized not only was I not appreciating my husband, I was actually taking him for granted. Rather than noticing the good he did and the warmth and kindness he brought into my life, my focus was on the things he didn’t do. My wake-up call came when he said to me, “You always have positive things to say about the people you work with, but I don’t hear a word of appreciation about me.”

Whoa! My affirmer-self felt ashamed. He was right. I began by affirming him regularly for one thing—doing the dishes. “Thanks honey. I so appreciate you washing the dishes. I feel calmer when the kitchen is clean.” My affirmations expanded to appreciating him for listening, for considering my feelings…for many of his substantial actions and ways of being.

The more I affirmed Gus, the more he affirmed me, and a more loving vibe began flowing between us. This experience showed me how necessary affirming is to nurturing the love and joy in our relationship. So my tips are:

• Commit to affirming your dearest loved one(s) daily. Consider it like brushing your teeth, necessary for your well-being.

• Pause and ask yourself: What do I appreciate or admire about my person today or in general? How does my person impact my life?

• Affirm your person specifically and sincerely. When we are specific, we give the person something to repeat to themselves to build their inner good feelings. When we’re sincere, our words go from our heart to theirs. We nurture warmth that deepens the love and joy in our relationships and even extends our longevity.

Why not extend your life by regularly affirming the precious people in your life—starting today!