You are an Influence –Share Your Gifts

“You two have totally shaped the course of my life,” I said with deep awe. “I am so moved to be in the same room with both of you.”

That’s what I wish I said at a recent reunion with two extraordinary life-influencers. Actually I was enjoying the moment so much I didn’t even think to put my feelings in words.

 Selma, (now 91 and sharper than some 30 year olds), was my college professor. She was the only educator I can recall, that saw my talents and encouraged me. She introduced me to my school district (at the time, the most innovative child-centered around) where I would impact at least a thousand students and form most of my lifelong friendships.

Jamie (who I met through Selma) was the door-opener to my two careers. It was she who recommended me for the interview in that school district, where I would nurture the talents of my students for 38 years. And it was she, who when I was ready to publish my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, who generously guided and inspired me in my second career as a writer-publisher, speaker and coach.

How grateful I am for Selma and Jamie’s profound influence on the unfolding of my life. How about you. Who’s deeply affected your life for the better?

You are an Influence

We all influence and are influenced every day of our lives. Some influences are momentary, some last the day, and some last a lifetime. Influences can be positive or at times devastatingly destructive. But how often do we even think of how we influence?

Yet influence others we do. With our words, our actions, our habits, our ideas.

A smile, a helpful idea, a truly listening ear, encouragement, a ride to the doctor’s office, a kind affirming word…we influence.

I think of Mary Oliver’s beautiful last line of the poem, “The Summer’s Day” with influence in mind.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

To me, to be a positive influence is to make the most of our one precious life.

Here’s What Influence Looks Like

When I was writing my book, there was a time I felt like I was scaling a mountain and I didn’t have the stamina to keep going. That peak was way too far out of sight. But then unaware of my discouragement, my son, Theo says, “Mom, seeing your determination in fulfilling your goal, makes me believe I too can accomplish my goals.” Wow! Knowing I was his influence, no matter how much effort it took I had to publish my book. Mutual influence.

A letter I received from a parent at the end of a school year, confirmed I was fulfilling my mission as a teacher. Karen said, “You have seen Johnny’s uniqueness and talents and have helped him see them too. And the amazing thing about you is that you do that with every student. We are eternally grateful.” Her letter about my influence, inspired me at a time when I was having doubts. Hearing I was indeed making a difference made a difference to me and all the students whose lives I touched. Mutual influence.

The one positive person my brother-in-law had in his life growing up was his grandpa. Every weekend Gramps would take George fishing. When George married my sister, Gramps would rent a house on a lake for a family fishing week. Now George and Lois have their own lake house and boat. George’s joy and peace and happiest moments are at the lake, fishing with his own grandkids. Mutual Influence.

Share Your Gifts

Each of us has many gifts to share. Whatever they are they matter. My niece’s husband influenced by his dad, is big-hearted and handy building things. His gifts bring much joy to the family. A friend, committed to recovery for over 30 years, inspires countless others through his leadership in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I discovered my outstanding gift in an epiphany on my 50th birthday. I realized my best trait is that I look with eyes to see the best in others and generously tell them. I learned my gift from my mother’s example. Seeing the warm affect affirming has on each and every relationship, I wrote my book to share my gift far and wide.

Choosing to be a positive influence with our unique gifts gives our life meaning.

 We get to see that our life here on Earth matters.

Your Takeaways

• What talents or natural capabilities can you share to support others and be a positive influence?

• Become an influence observer. How are others impacting you? If it’s positive affirm them for it. How are you influencing others? Are you comfortable with your impact?

• Choose to be a positive influence with your closest people and everyone you come in contact with.

NOW MORE THAT EVER THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR POSITIVE INFLUENCE AND GOOD ENERGY. SPREAD THE GOOD!

My award-winning, paperback book is available at Amazon for $14.99 and the ebook for $7.99. If you haven’t already read it, it can help you connect with more love, acceptance and joy to yourself and all others.

If you enjoyed this blog, share with friends on social media and email. I appreciate your help spreading the good!

One Game-Changing Tip to Stay Connected When Quarantined

See the good, speak the good, spread the good…we need to do this now more than ever. It’s been a year since my book, The Affirming Way of Life was published. Yay! From my first visions of the book and everyday, I picture my book helping to transform the way people express their hearts and deepen their connections. What in our lives is more important than the people we love? During our extended quarantine, unable to be with so many of the people who mean so much to us, we can spread the good by regularly reaching out with a call of words of appreciation from our heart.

A week ago, when I first became homebound, I was in a state of panic over everything from the stock market, to fear of losing our house, worry there’d be no way to get essentials for living, and the very worst—fear of losing loved ones. So I began texting people I love that I normally don’t reach out to. I discovered my way of dealing with fear is to take action. Before I got out of bed on day 2 of quarantine, I texted three people dear to me.

The first was my cousin Jodie’s grown daughter, Jessica. I texted her:

“Jess, love you so much. Sending you and your family blessings for health and safety at this crazy time . I so appreciate the special connection we have had your whole life. I am always so proud of you for everything you are!”

Jessica responded: “I passed my oral boards! Thank you for always rooting for me and believing in me. Passover at your house is my favorite holiday. Will miss you!”

The next day my friend Ann called me and before we hung up I said, “Talking to you is such a comfort. You’re like a bowl of delicious matzah ball soup.” She was thrilled with my words, and gave me an unexpected beautiful affirmation back.

A Way to Spread the Good

The joy shared gave me a mission: I would contact three different people every day to let them know how much they mean to me. It would give me a way to remain connected while I couldn’t actually be with others, and it distracted me from my fearful thoughts. And most importantly, it enables me to spread the good!

We all in moments of reflection say, “Life is short. I need to seize the moment to appreciate my loved ones.” But do we? We are usually so distracted with everyday living that we forget to treat our life and the people in it preciously. As Michael Singer, in The Untethered Soul says, “How much love could you give the ones you love, knowing it would be the last time you’d get to be with them? Think about what it would be like if you lived like that every moment.”

We have the time now, lots of time. Why not join me in spreading the good to all your relationships?

I’ve created a list of dates and the people I will contact each day (lists make me feel a sense of accomplishment). It makes me feel good seeing the people’s names and remembering the warm connection we shared when I called.  I also have a to-do notebook with a growing list of names of who I want to reach out to. It’s a project I feel good about and a simple way to support myself and feel like I’m doing something good in the world.  

Your Takeaways

• Make a list daily of three people in your life you love-value and want to let know how much they mean to you.

• Reach out with some normal conversation, but affirm them before you hang up.

• Try Face Time, Skype, or any of the other video ways to connect, so you feel like you’re actually together. I’m choosing Face Time as much as possible. Regular calls and texts are make just as much an impact.

• Be specific and sincere about what you value and appreciate about the person, and let the warmth you feel come through in your voice.

  
  

• Ask each person you reach out to, to reach out to three others daily. You’ll help me make my dream a reality and you will be making a difference even while you’re homebound.

Please share with me your stories of spreading the good. I’m here to help you share your love!

If I haven’t contacted you – do reach out to me. I promise to give you a personal affirmation from my heart!

Loving Parenting – Impacting Generations

Do you ever ponder the legacy you’re leaving? By legacy I mean the impact your life has on those whose lives you touch, especially your children, grandchildren, and any of the younger generation. I do. Frequently.  An unexpected phone call awakened me to the unimagined magnitude our impact can reach.

The Inspiring Conversation

The call was from Wes, my son, Theo’s best friend, who’s like a second son to me. I’d sent him a warm thank you note for his recent help creating a YouTube channel for me.

“Mrs. Sigg, I just wanted to tell you how happy I was to help, how much your note meant, and I want to apologize.”

Apologize? I was confused.

“I was short with you towards the end of our work session, and I was mad at myself for not having better control. I’d never want to offend you. You mean so much to me.” He then explained to me the reason for his reaction.

“I didn’t think a thing of it,” I responded. “I figured you had other work to move on to. But, I so appreciate you being so real and open with me about what was going on with you. The fact that you care enough to make things right with me, means the world to me. How lucky Theo and I am to have such a deep, loving connection with you.”

What Wes said next is the part that blew me away, and I gift to you.

“Both Theo and I communicate this way with you because you and Mr. Sigg, and my parents, have given us 100% pure, supportive love. You have allowed us to express our feeling and thoughts freely without censure. Loving acceptance sets the tone for open communication.

“The gift of being loving, non-judgmental parents will not only live on after you’re gone, but will ripple through generations to come far beyond our life and our kids’ lives.”

“Thank you, dear boy. You just gave me the most precious of gifts.” His depth of feeling, the thought of us all being gone (yikes!), and the long-range impact our lives indeed have, made me teary.

Your Takeaways

How often do we consider our legacy, the parts of us that will live on in others? What do you want your children and grandchildren to say they learned from you?

Spreading good, loving energy to others is the greatest gift we can offer—it’s what we’re here for. I thought about the qualities of love Wes recognized we offered him. Here’s my reflection on how Wes’s parents and Gus and I nurtured the boys to impact them to be aware, communicative loving young men. Why not consider making one of the following tips a habit starting today:

• Look with eyes for what’s best in your children, and tell them something positive you see in them every day, or each time you’re together.

• Accept your children for who they are and squash your judgments when they arise. Communicate the message, “I am in your corner and I have faith in you.”

• Take a sincere interest in their life. Listen fully when your child speaks. As the lyric from the musical Hamilton goes, “Say less, smile more.”

• Be real—express your own emotions, but not targeted at them. You will show them you’re human, and validate being open and expressive with emotions.  

• Love, love, love your children, your grandchildren, all the young ‘uns. Show your love. Love is the greatest power on earth!

So I say to you, why not begin thinking of your loving legacy today?