One Game-Changing Tip to Stay Connected When Quarantined

See the good, speak the good, spread the good…we need to do this now more than ever. It’s been a year since my book, The Affirming Way of Life was published. Yay! From my first visions of the book and everyday, I picture my book helping to transform the way people express their hearts and deepen their connections. What in our lives is more important than the people we love? During our extended quarantine, unable to be with so many of the people who mean so much to us, we can spread the good by regularly reaching out with a call of words of appreciation from our heart.

A week ago, when I first became homebound, I was in a state of panic over everything from the stock market, to fear of losing our house, worry there’d be no way to get essentials for living, and the very worst—fear of losing loved ones. So I began texting people I love that I normally don’t reach out to. I discovered my way of dealing with fear is to take action. Before I got out of bed on day 2 of quarantine, I texted three people dear to me.

The first was my cousin Jodie’s grown daughter, Jessica. I texted her:

“Jess, love you so much. Sending you and your family blessings for health and safety at this crazy time . I so appreciate the special connection we have had your whole life. I am always so proud of you for everything you are!”

Jessica responded: “I passed my oral boards! Thank you for always rooting for me and believing in me. Passover at your house is my favorite holiday. Will miss you!”

The next day my friend Ann called me and before we hung up I said, “Talking to you is such a comfort. You’re like a bowl of delicious matzah ball soup.” She was thrilled with my words, and gave me an unexpected beautiful affirmation back.

A Way to Spread the Good

The joy shared gave me a mission: I would contact three different people every day to let them know how much they mean to me. It would give me a way to remain connected while I couldn’t actually be with others, and it distracted me from my fearful thoughts. And most importantly, it enables me to spread the good!

We all in moments of reflection say, “Life is short. I need to seize the moment to appreciate my loved ones.” But do we? We are usually so distracted with everyday living that we forget to treat our life and the people in it preciously. As Michael Singer, in The Untethered Soul says, “How much love could you give the ones you love, knowing it would be the last time you’d get to be with them? Think about what it would be like if you lived like that every moment.”

We have the time now, lots of time. Why not join me in spreading the good to all your relationships?

I’ve created a list of dates and the people I will contact each day (lists make me feel a sense of accomplishment). It makes me feel good seeing the people’s names and remembering the warm connection we shared when I called.  I also have a to-do notebook with a growing list of names of who I want to reach out to. It’s a project I feel good about and a simple way to support myself and feel like I’m doing something good in the world.  

Your Takeaways

• Make a list daily of three people in your life you love-value and want to let know how much they mean to you.

• Reach out with some normal conversation, but affirm them before you hang up.

• Try Face Time, Skype, or any of the other video ways to connect, so you feel like you’re actually together. I’m choosing Face Time as much as possible. Regular calls and texts are make just as much an impact.

• Be specific and sincere about what you value and appreciate about the person, and let the warmth you feel come through in your voice.

  
  

• Ask each person you reach out to, to reach out to three others daily. You’ll help me make my dream a reality and you will be making a difference even while you’re homebound.

Please share with me your stories of spreading the good. I’m here to help you share your love!

If I haven’t contacted you – do reach out to me. I promise to give you a personal affirmation from my heart!

Your Caring Words Can Save a Life

This is how much our caring words mean—they can save a life. Even if it’s not literally, our caring words in person or in a note, an email, or a text can touch someone’s life when they need it most. Here’s an inspiring story of when the words didn’t show up, the miracle that followed, and the life dedicated to reminding others to seize the moment and express caring words when they’re direly needed. 

If Just One Person Showed They Cared

Recently, one of on my favorite morning shows, CBS Sunday Morning, featured Kevin Hines. When he was nineteen, feeling like a hopeless burden on everyone, he jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Hines was one of only thirty jumpers out of 1600 to have survived. He said, “If just one person had showed me an ounce of concern, I wouldn’t have jumped.”

 He knows how much caring words mean. When he was hospitalized for his injuries, he received a note that said, “You’re a good person and you matter.” This made all the difference in his recovery. Now he travels around the country talking about suicide prevention and the role of caring letters.

Hines says, “A note is tangible, something you can hold onto, and read over and over for support.”

Caring Letters and Suicide Prevention

Caring letters as an approach to prevent suicide was the brainchild of Dr. Jerry Motto, a psychiatrist at the University of CA. During World War II when he was overseas, the letters he received from home made him feel connected. He thought, why not offer the same sense of connection to patients?

 In the early ‘70’s he conducted a study of people recently released from psychiatric hospitals and at risk for suicide. Half the group received about eight caring notes a year   from his staff, and the other half didn’t. In the first two years the suicide rate of those receiving caring letters was half the rate of those who didn’t. Caring notes are worth their weight in gold when someone is vulnerable and suffering.

A Story Close to Home

I know how much caring notes mean when someone’s at their lowest. When my sister-in-law Fay, was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer, initially she felt her life was over. But she says the caring notes she’d surprisingly receive totally shifted her attitude.

 “Week after week I’d receive cards from other women living with ovarian cancer. It was so kind of these strangers to write me to lift my spirits. I stopped feeling poor me. If they could survive, I thought I could too. The cards made me feel hopeful. Each was a little blessing.”

This is what living the affirming way of life is about. Seize the moment to make a difference in someone else’s life by expressing your heart or a few kind words. Here are six tips to get yourself going:

6 Tips on Sending Caring Notes

1.  Reach out and don’t make excuses to yourself when you notice someone is feeling low.

2. A few heartfelt sentences of hope is gold to someone who’s sad or down in the dumps.

3. In your words, focus on what you value in the person. “You are a kind person. I never hear you say a bad thing about anyone.”

4. Say something encouraging. “You’re going to get through this.”

5. Make your message about the receiver not yourself. Instead of beginning with “I…” begin with “You..”

6. Don’t over think your message. Better to send an email or text or to make a call than not. Time can be of the essence!

Learn more about Kevin Hines work in his book, Cracked Not Broken, Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt. He also has a documentary, Suicide: The Ripple Effect.

Why not send that caring note today and lift someone’s spirits!

Meditation and the Affirming Way of Life

When I awoke in the middle of the night and meditated to fall back to sleep, you, dear reader came to mind and I wondered: Do you ever have difficulty seeing the good in others to affirm them? Do you curse at and get irritated at drivers on the road (or drive with someone who does?) Even if your answer was no, the practice I’m sharing with you is a game-changer.

I use a meditation app called, Insight Timer. I am wild about it. Because it offers such a variety of assists to meditate from guided meditations, to music, to a timer with lovely nature sounds, to groups to join with people around the globe—I have been meditating for 551 total days, 171 consecutively, totaling 7.9 thousand minutes—it tracks me and rewards me with stars (making the teacher in me happy!) I mention this as an entrée to the meditation I listened to last night.

I fell back to sleep listening to the voice of Sharon Salzberg, reknowned meditation teacher, lead her signature Loving-Kindness meditation. She had us repeat to ourselves a version of the following:

May I be safe,

May I be happy,

May I be healthy, and

May I live with ease.

Then she guided us to repeat the same phrases thinking of a stranger; then with a person you have some discord with, and finally with a person you love or care for.  Research says, repeating these phrases slowly and calmly and feeling good energy as you recite them, contributes to feelings of self-love, empathy, understanding, and kindness. And Sharon says, by repeating these phrases “over and over again, this is who you become.”

Loving-Kindness Meditation and The Affirming Mindset

So, you may be asking, how does this connect to the affirming mindset? Affirming begins with looking for the good in others, which can be difficult. I have used the Loving-Kindness meditation for years and it definitely has supported my feelings of positivity toward others. When I’m out in the world I repeat these phrases to send good energy to strangers. I send it to all the people driving on the highway; as I enter my neighborhood I imagine the good will of the phrases going to my neighbors; in the grocery store I send it to the employees and shoppers. Of course I don’t do it all the time, but by sending good will to others in our free thinking moments, it builds a mindset of our common humanity, the bonus of which is positive feelings towards others. Most importantly, focusing on the good in all people can transfer to noticing more of the good in those who matter most to us!

Here’s a great article from Mindful magazine if you’d like to read Sharon Salzberg’s thoughts on Loving-Kindness: “Why Loving-Kindness Takes Time,” https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-takes-time-sharon-salzberg/.

Your Takeaways

• Repeat the Loving-Kindness phrases as a ritual to create more peaceful feelings in yourself and towards others. It only takes about 5 min.

• Send good energy to others when you’re out in the world as a gift of good will. You will become a force for good which I promise will boomerang back to you.

• Consider developing the meditation habit. There are many good apps out there, Insight Timer is one of them. Guided meditation is easy, relaxing, can take mere minutes, and builds inner peace making it easier to see the good in the people in your life.

• Keep looking for the good in your dear ones and all people and then express it!

Why Not practice loving-kindness as a gift to yourself and your gift to the world!