You are an Influence –Share Your Gifts

“You two have totally shaped the course of my life,” I said with deep awe. “I am so moved to be in the same room with both of you.”

That’s what I wish I said at a recent reunion with two extraordinary life-influencers. Actually I was enjoying the moment so much I didn’t even think to put my feelings in words.

 Selma, (now 91 and sharper than some 30 year olds), was my college professor. She was the only educator I can recall, that saw my talents and encouraged me. She introduced me to my school district (at the time, the most innovative child-centered around) where I would impact at least a thousand students and form most of my lifelong friendships.

Jamie (who I met through Selma) was the door-opener to my two careers. It was she who recommended me for the interview in that school district, where I would nurture the talents of my students for 38 years. And it was she, who when I was ready to publish my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, who generously guided and inspired me in my second career as a writer-publisher, speaker and coach.

How grateful I am for Selma and Jamie’s profound influence on the unfolding of my life. How about you. Who’s deeply affected your life for the better?

You are an Influence

We all influence and are influenced every day of our lives. Some influences are momentary, some last the day, and some last a lifetime. Influences can be positive or at times devastatingly destructive. But how often do we even think of how we influence?

Yet influence others we do. With our words, our actions, our habits, our ideas.

A smile, a helpful idea, a truly listening ear, encouragement, a ride to the doctor’s office, a kind affirming word…we influence.

I think of Mary Oliver’s beautiful last line of the poem, “The Summer’s Day” with influence in mind.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

To me, to be a positive influence is to make the most of our one precious life.

Here’s What Influence Looks Like

When I was writing my book, there was a time I felt like I was scaling a mountain and I didn’t have the stamina to keep going. That peak was way too far out of sight. But then unaware of my discouragement, my son, Theo says, “Mom, seeing your determination in fulfilling your goal, makes me believe I too can accomplish my goals.” Wow! Knowing I was his influence, no matter how much effort it took I had to publish my book. Mutual influence.

A letter I received from a parent at the end of a school year, confirmed I was fulfilling my mission as a teacher. Karen said, “You have seen Johnny’s uniqueness and talents and have helped him see them too. And the amazing thing about you is that you do that with every student. We are eternally grateful.” Her letter about my influence, inspired me at a time when I was having doubts. Hearing I was indeed making a difference made a difference to me and all the students whose lives I touched. Mutual influence.

The one positive person my brother-in-law had in his life growing up was his grandpa. Every weekend Gramps would take George fishing. When George married my sister, Gramps would rent a house on a lake for a family fishing week. Now George and Lois have their own lake house and boat. George’s joy and peace and happiest moments are at the lake, fishing with his own grandkids. Mutual Influence.

Share Your Gifts

Each of us has many gifts to share. Whatever they are they matter. My niece’s husband influenced by his dad, is big-hearted and handy building things. His gifts bring much joy to the family. A friend, committed to recovery for over 30 years, inspires countless others through his leadership in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I discovered my outstanding gift in an epiphany on my 50th birthday. I realized my best trait is that I look with eyes to see the best in others and generously tell them. I learned my gift from my mother’s example. Seeing the warm affect affirming has on each and every relationship, I wrote my book to share my gift far and wide.

Choosing to be a positive influence with our unique gifts gives our life meaning.

 We get to see that our life here on Earth matters.

Your Takeaways

• What talents or natural capabilities can you share to support others and be a positive influence?

• Become an influence observer. How are others impacting you? If it’s positive affirm them for it. How are you influencing others? Are you comfortable with your impact?

• Choose to be a positive influence with your closest people and everyone you come in contact with.

NOW MORE THAT EVER THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR POSITIVE INFLUENCE AND GOOD ENERGY. SPREAD THE GOOD!

My award-winning, paperback book is available at Amazon for $14.99 and the ebook for $7.99. If you haven’t already read it, it can help you connect with more love, acceptance and joy to yourself and all others.

If you enjoyed this blog, share with friends on social media and email. I appreciate your help spreading the good!

Self-Observation: A Gift and Friend

I stood staring at the efforts of my husband in awe. Finally after living in our home for seventeen years he has renovated our eye-sore of a laundry room. It looks magnificent. The faded beige walls with metal anchors still in the wall from previous owners, are now spackled and a cheery yellow. The rusted white shelves sprawling with our laundry room chachkas are now organized white cabinets. The splotched plastic sink is now a vanity. I feel so fulfilled seeing my laundry room’s transformation. But here’s what follows my pleasure thoughts. Why did it take us so long to do this!

Then my thoughts go to this. My niece and her husband moved into an exceptional house in move-in condition and immediately took actions to make it theirs. We are such slow movers on projects.

Ooh! I hate seeing my old habit resurfacing—comparing myself to others. As much as I’m better at setting my own standard, comparing still shows up.

Maybe I should be happy about it.

The Gift of Self-Observation

In my last blog I observed myself sparring with my husband, Gus. By reflecting on my observation I decided not to challenge his statements in an accusatory way. I’m only beginning to change my habit, but here’s how I know I’m making progress: he made a statement last night and then asked, “How come you didn’t say, ‘How do you know that?’ Proud of myself!  

Self-observation is such a powerful tool. It means admitting you are a work in progress. Aren’t we all? I feel as long as I’m alive it’s an opportunity to grow in insights, inner peace, and opening my heart to love fully.

Self-observation is detective work. We notice something we think, say or do and check how it makes us feel. If we feel shame or unhappy with the thought (in my comparing case), it’s an opportunity to make a change—a change founded on kindness.

Working With Your Insights

How human it is to be flawed, to have areas to improve in. Rather than feel bad about ourselves when we notice a habit or behavior we don’t like, an empowered way to handle it is to praise our self for recognizing it. Then look for what you want to and can do with it.

• Self-praise for recognizing my not-so-positive habit . I’m proud of you for catching the comparing! Comparing isn’t all bad. We live in a world amongst others to learn from each other. When you notice others behaviors it can inspire you. If it makes you feel bad, you have the power to catch yourself and STOP.

• What do I want to do with my recognition that Gus and I are slow movers? Accept it. We may be slow movers but we do eventually get things done. And we both possess so many other wonderful traits. Better.

• What can I do from here on out with my comparing habit? Be playful! I know it’s part of me. When I see it next, I think I‘ll greet it like a phone call that I don’t want to take. Oh, it’s you again. Sorry can’t talk.

We are so lucky as humans that we have the ability to be self-aware and that there are so many tools to help us change the way we respond to ourselves. Why not become an action-taking, self-observer!

My award-winning, paperback book is available at Amazon for $14.99 and the ebook for $7.99. If you haven’t already read it, it can help you connect with more love, acceptance and joy to yourself and all others.

Ever Ponder Writing a Book? Some Inspiration

Before I wrote my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, it was an unfulfilled dream for over twenty years. Do you ever imagine your story in writing? Maybe I can inspire you. Recently I was interviewed by Tracey Hall for the monthly author column in her online publication Jersey Shore Scene. If I can write a book, I assure you, you can too! Read on to learn more.

When and how did you start writing?

Writing has always been for me a place where I can get my feelings and thoughts on the page to make sense of my life. I’ve been a journal writer since I was in fifth grade, and I still have that diary!  I also am a passionate reader. Books, particularly self-help books, have helped me make sense of the struggles and yearnings I’ve expressed on the page, so it seems natural I would want to write a self-help book to help others with the insights I’ve gleaned. I never had formal training in writing, (my career was as an elementary school teacher), so when the topic of my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, came to me, I found a writing coach to help me structure my ideas. I also eventually joined a writing group. The coaching and feedback from other writers over time enabled me to call myself a writer.

What do you like to write about most?

I write in the self-help, personal-growth genre. I am fascinated with how our perceptions of others and the words we speak to them shape our relationships. As a teacher and mother, I knew that the words I used to describe a child would be how they saw themselves. I also observed that sharing with loved ones, friends and even strangers, the good I admired or appreciated in them infused my relationships with warmth and closeness that kindles deep bonds. I wrote about this in my book and continue to write about this in my blog at theaffirmingway.com. It’s my mission to open others hearts and minds to see the best and speak the best to spread the good. 

What do you find to be the easiest and hardest thing about writing?

Getting started is by far the hardest part of writing. I usually brainstorm my ideas first, which is fairly easy, but getting that opening sentence and first paragraph can feel like torture. Once I have it though, the rest begins to flow. The easiest part of writing for me is revising. I have all the ideas for the piece or chapter on paper at that point. Revising is working with my material to make it flow in words, in ideas, in the structure. I actually love the revising. Crafting my writing makes me feel like an artist. The truth though is there is no end to revising to make my writing better. I have to be able to say—good enough!

What writers do you most admire and why? 

When I was writing my book, I made a study of what drew me in to author’s writings. Though I have never attempted fiction writing, I love reading it. I have read nearly every novel by Alice Hoffman. Her use of language and magical realism makes me swoon with pleasure. As I said, I’m also an avid self-help book reader. Brene Brown has been a model to me in that genre. She is so open in the way she talks about herself and her relationships to exemplify her message. I feel her presence as I read her work. I try to do the same thing in my writing. 

How do you get your ideas for stories and what’s in the future for you in writing?

I get ideas reflecting on my life and listening closely to the stories others tell me about their feelings, struggles and relationship issues. I am inspired by life in general—books, news, movies, podcasts, dreams. I look and listen through the lens of connections and relationships and the impact of the words with speak. Because of my mission to help others create more loving fulfilling relationships through the affirming approach to life, I write my biweekly blog with tips on living from the heart, especially with the challenges we all face now.

Can you share a memorable experience you’ve had purely because you are a writer?

Hearing how my book has touched other’s lives means the world to me. I received a letter from a former colleague that I hadn’t seen in over twenty years. I was so surprised and delighted he’d read my book. He said he’d had a very difficult year and that, “I’ve renewed my dedication to being a rainbow in both my own and other’s clouds. Your words encouraged me to forgive and push myself towards recovery as well as improve my relationship with my wife.” To open other’s hearts to the gift their words can be to themselves and others is my joy.  

(And a little plug from the interview I decided to keep in case you know anyone interested in learning more about the affirming way.) Gail’s book is available at Amazon in paperback for $14.99 and ebook for $7.99. Click on this link (The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good) to purchase her book. Gail is also available for talks on myriad topics related to relationships with our selves and all the people in our life. You can reach her at gail@theaffirmingway.com.