What’s Stuck with You in 2020? Positive Prep for 2021

heavy, deep snow and our front door was blocked by vast whiteness. With bright, yellow snow shovel in hand, I plugged away at clearing the walk to our door. The problem was, with each shovel-full, half the snow wouldn’t fling away. It remained stuck to the shovel. Banging its edge numerous times on the cement, a beautiful insight began dawning. Hmm. How has 2020 been a wet and heavy snow? And what has stuck with me in a good way during this bleak time of Covid-19 and political upheaval? (I excitedly posted this query first to my Facebook friends if any of you saw it.)

What’s Stuck in A Good Way

I’m thinking of the adaptations I made to continue living peacefully, lovingly, and joyfully. And adaptation is the word! Its definition is a light bulb of what we all have been called to do in 2020: adaptation - the physical or behavioral characteristic of an organism that helps it survive better in its surrounding environment.

The fundamental adaptation that has enabled me to make the best of 2020 is focusing on all I still have.

Most thankfully my loved ones and I are healthy and well. We have our home and plenty of food and toilet paper! I can still take daily walks in the surrounding neighborhoods (mask ready when other walkers are on the street) I can still visit with friends thanks to Zoom, and have actually rekindled and deepened friendships because our weekly visits mean so much more now that our movement out in the world is limited. I can still learn and grow thanks to Zoom and the internet. I decided to take a leap and train as a life coach to develop my skills to more deeply assist others to grow, find fulfillment, balance and joy. Though the course is out of CA my instructor is in NYC. I am amazed! I’ll be certified in February.

And out of all this comes a feeling of deep gratitude. That’s what sticks with me.  Gratitude for all I get to savor. Before Covid I dashed about in my life.

Busily.

Quickly.

 Far and wide.

 Being restricted has stretched me to savor all that’s in my own backyard (as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz might say.)

Nature. My husband. My sister. My son. My friendships. The gift of food.

Here’s the difference: I savor moments that before I dismissed as commonplace; ordinary.

Eating home has been heightened to a new level. Since we can’t go out to restaurants for an uplift, I’ve made meals as deliciously and beautifully as I can to transport my husband and me. Eating on our deck in the past was occasional. But this summer, as we dined outside watching the sky turn shades of pink, I felt just as elevated as if we were in Greece or Italy.

What sticks with me is—it’s all in our perception. If we look with eyes for beauty and all that’s good, that’s what we see. If we treasure our relationships and fully appreciate our dear ones, we can feel quite lucky.

• How about YOU? What positives stick with you from these Covid times? What adaptations have you made to make the most of your life now? What new habits have YOU developed that have brought you peace and pleasure in our more restricted lifestyle?

  
  Taking What’s Stuck into 2021

Now I’m thinking of the word intention and how impactful our intentions are. The definition of intention: a determination to act in a certain way; resolve.

My intention is to take what’s stuck with me –to savor all I have and get to do into 2021.

When I’m eating dinner with Gus, I want to enjoy the conversation, truly listen to him, and appreciate the full flavor of the meal. (Instead of the way I pre-Covid, slapped together a meal which we often ate in front of the TV.)

When I’m studying coaching, my intention is to revel in the new knowledge I’m acquiring and how much I’ll be able to support others in their growth. (Instead of angsting, as I tend to, about my ability to learn it all.)

I will continue my weekly rituals with friends that I’ve forged during Covid times, cherishing our deepening relationships.

• What good rituals from these Covid times do you want to bring into 2021?

  
  As we end 2020, I want to thank you my dear blog readers, for being part of my learning community. I so appreciate your responses to my musings and ideas, you spur me on to spread the good through my blog and work. If even one blog gave you an insight, comfort, or a positive action to take—I am deeply gratified.

Wishing you and your loved ones the healthiest most positive 2021!

A small request: If you’ve enjoyed my blogs please share right now with someone who you think could benefit from them. I appreciate you helping me in my mission to SPREAD THE GOOD!      

The Affirming Way of Life is available in Kindle version and book at Amazon.

Reset, Rethink, Regather

For days I had called BJ’s to see if their shipment for Fiji water was in. I had made two trips for naught, and a manager kindly suggested I call rather than make another wasted trip.

“They’re in,” said Meghan. “How many cases would you like me to pull for you?”

“Three would be great. You’re a darling!” I effused.

In the store, with my three cases of precious alkaline water (recommended by the Ayurvedic practitioner helping me to heal digestive issues) I asked Meghan one more favor.

“Could you please find someone to help me put the Fiji water cases into my car.”

“Sure no problem. There he is. Anthony, please help this lady get her purchases to the car.”

What a delightful surprise I received at 8:45 AM.

“Good morning Miss! And how are you on this blessed day?” he asked. His whole face smiled, even though partially covered by his light blue paper mask.

“How beautiful it is to be greeted with such positivity so early in the morning!”

“Well, it’s TGIF and as long as I am here and can work it’s a great day.”

Wow, I thought, such a precious young man he is. I want to let him know that his good energy is a gift to others.

As we walked together to my car I asked, “Anthony, how did you get to become such a positive person?”

“Well it’s just my spirit I’d say.”

“Tell me more about the influences in your life,” (I was using my newly learned coaching skills.)

“Well. I had no father and was raised by my mother. She taught my brother and me that if we work hard and always be the best person we can be things will work out.”

“Tell me your visions for your life,” I say.  In our brief connection, I wanted to support this young man in fulfilling his dreams.

“My brother and I are starting small selling our own home cooked chicken. McDonald’s started small and look where they are now,” he said exuberantly. “When I get discouraged I just say to myself, RESET, RETHINK, REGATHER.”

“Wow! That’s such a positive phrase, tell me more.”

“I reset my mind on my dream, I rethink what I need to do to get there, and I regather my energy to keep moving forward.”

“Anthony what a positive mindset you have! With your vision and heart I can see you fulfilling your dream. For your help and inspiring tip, I’d love to give you a tip.”

We each left touched.

Anthony’s Tip in Action

I’m writing this blog with immediacy. Anthony’s mantra is a great way to refocus ourselves when our spirits are down. RESET, RETHINK, REGATHER.

I went home and wrote those 3 R’s on a notecard and pinned it on a drape by my writing desk to absorb into my psyche. A new tool for my mental toolbox.

Here’s a way I used Anthony’s 3 R’s a couple of days later.

Listening to a coaching video on YouTube, I learned that it’s best to differentiate a niche or specialty for the services you offer. That’s so tricky! My specialty is in helping others connect in their relationships more deeply, as I wrote about in my book, The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good. But as a friend pointed out, calling myself a relationship coach sounds like I’m a marital coach. Not the limitation I want. Darn! Unwanted adrenalin pumped in my stomach and my heart fluttered disturbingly. My trigger, an overwhelm response, kicked in, but….thanks to Anthony’s mantra I regathered myself.

Ok, Gail. Reset your thoughts on the big picture that you will be helping people with the wonderful coaching skills you’re learning. You can rethink your niche by doing research on the many coaching specialties there are and find what seems to be a good match with your skills and expertise.

Breathe in…breathe out.

Ahhhhh, I feel so much better. The pause to reset my attention on what mattered and what I could do, was just what I needed to regather my positive, forward moving energy.

Your Takeaways

• Being mindful of our emotions creates an opportunity for us to regather our energy and focus it positively.

• Having a mantra whether it be Anthony’s reset, rethink, regather or your own favorite, is a useful tool for shifting our mind frame and our emotions.

• Hanging a notecard with your mind-shifting mantra where you will see it often will help you internalize it so it’s right there in your thoughts when you need it.

Isn’t it exciting to recognize we have the power to manage our thoughts and feelings!

If you enjoyed this blog, my book The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good, expands upon how to bring positivity to our relationships and life. It’s available at Amazon.

And why not become a blog subscriber? Fill in your name and email at the end of the page and my blog will be delivered to you every two weeks.

Taking Notes: A Love Story

I’m honored to share a guest post by my son Theo’s favorite high school English teacher, Jason Armstrong. His blogs at his website WriteOnFightOn, take my breath away. Jason, a youngish father of three and a passionate writer, is living with Cerebellar Ataxia, a degenerative disease that impacts motor skills, coordination, vision and balance. I mention the disease, because with vulnerability and humor he puts on the page what it means to be challenged and human. After each of his posts I come away feeling deeply touched and more real. Read on and see for yourself.

In a world with Nicholas Sparks it's hard to write something original about love.

Love is a well-traveled topic. One, I'm sure, you've taken plenty of notes on.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is engraved your heart and scrolled among the stars.

Love is in air. Love is an open door. And, if you find the right station, love is a battlefield.

Anytime you write about love you ink a fine line between cliche' and Nicholas Sparks. So, in my attempt to avoid such fate, the only thing I can offer is a secret love story about love. So secret that when my wife reads this, she will know it for the first time.

I've written about my health issues and personal shame and failure but writing about love is something I've avoided. For me, writing about love is a little embarrassing. A little too revealing.

And plus, how do I write about love in such an authentic yet impenetrable way that it's not the subject of dissection, comparison and judgment?

Truth is-- you can't.

It's simple emotional physics (which should've totally been a 90's emo band name).

To love is to want. And to want is to have weakness. Therefore, you can't open yourself to love without subjecting yourself to dissection, comparison and judgment.

I fell in love with a girl when I was 16.

The first time I saw her standing in the blue painted threshold of the doorway to her biology class I just knew, with an absolute bone-certainty that I would marry her one day.

And 10 years later I did.

Even though that story is absolutely true, I understand you're skepticism. And I don't blame you.  It seems too easy and yet, at the same time, too impossible. Too Nicholas Sparks.

So I'll tell you another story that's more believable. Yet, in some ways, just as fantastical.

Cindy and I are sitting at large round table, the kind guests sit around at weddings. We're in the back of a Las Vegas hotel ballroom, the kind couples rent for weddings.

Except instead of a DJ, there's a UCLA professor at the far end of the ballroom. He's standing on a stage, behind a podium. To his right is a movie screen holding an MRI of a human brain. A brain whose cerebellum is damaged. A cerebellum that looks a lot like mine.

The room is filled with people of all ages. Some people in wheelchairs. Some people clutching canes and walking sticks. The same haunted glow in everyone's eyes.

We're in Las Vegas attending the National Ataxia Federation's annual conference for patients with neurological disease because seven months earlier I was diagnosed with cerebellar atrophy.

Cindy and I are surrounded by people of all ages stricken with rare neurological diseases. ALS. MS. Huntington's Disease. Brain tumors.

Some people sit with their spouse. Some sit their parents. Some sit alone.

The UCLA professor is discussing advancements in stem cell research as a way of improving and repairing brain growth.

Cindy is beside me taking notes.

Her hand moves in small yet amazing ways. She is writing down what the professor is saying as fast as he is saying it.

Her penmanship is catholic school perfect. Her notes are well-spaced and organized and her margins are aligned.

It was a secret moment in my history. One I've never told Cindy about.

A moment of enormous fear yet as my eyes trace the ink-curls of her words, a small moment of enormous comfort and safety.  A moment where love was learned. A moment when I finally realized I was lucky enough to find a woman who cared more for me than I could possibly care for myself.

A moment that gifted me the eventual courage to roll my shoulders and write these sentences--

Let my cerebellum soften to oatmeal. Let my brain cells explode. Let my eyes go blind. Because there's a girl with green eyes standing in the blue doorway and she's not moving. And she never will.

And that is what love becomes. After all the romance and celestial promises of the initial courtship, love becomes a lifetime of small moments that add up to make something enormous.

But even that seems Sparksian.

A chronically sick man whose hands are shaking, whose body aches, whose teetering on the edge of self-destruction is sitting beside his wife in a Las Vegas ballroom. They're high school sweethearts. They have three children together. But seven months ago things suddenly got harder.

And yet she still takes notes.

As the professor speaks and the damaged brain that holds the screen looms like a thundercloud over the room, with her free hand, she reaches across the table to hold his hand, to ease him, to feel his pain.

Jay is a published author, an award-winning teacher, and speaker. He believes in the power of storytelling and that life favors the brave. You can contact Jay and read more of his writings on his blog writeonfighton. org.