Who isn’t feeling all the negativity when you turn on the news these days. We’re angry, disgusted, disheartened and too often feeling it’s us vs them, whichever side of the aisle we’re on. But believe it or not, it’s in our hands to do something about that. In our own small way (which is bigger than we can imagine), we can be a stone that sends out ripples leading to waterfalls of change. Here’s a story from a friend to spark you.
Stop Kicking!
Jill and her eight-year-old granddaughter Abby were flying home from Texas after a happy and exhausting vacation with Abby’s cousins. Soon after they settled into their seats on the plane, Abby leaned over and said, “Grammy, the girl sitting behind me is kicking my seat and it’s uncomfortable.”
“Oh, be patient honey, I’m sure the girl is just getting comfortable and will stop any minute.”
“Grammy, she’s still kicking,” Abby complained at least three more times. So Jill did what any loving grandmother would do who also wanted a little peace on the flight—she intervened. Craning her head over the seat, Jill noticed that the little girl who was Abby’s age, was engaged in a workbook activity with her mom, while her own grandmother looked on. “Excuse me. I’m sure your little girl doesn’t realize it, but she’s kicking my granddaughter’s seat.” The mother glared icily chilling Jill to the bone.
“Grammy she’s STILL kicking my seat.” Abby whined.
“Abby do you want to say something yourself?” So Abby got on her knees, looked over the seat and said, “Could you please just not kick my seat anymore?” With that the mother started yelling loud enough for the pilot to hear, “NO! She’s not kicking you and she’s not doing anything WRONG!”
The lady in the seat opposite Jill whispered over the aisle, “She must be from the other political party.” While Jill agreed, she felt bad about all the toxic, negative energy she was part of creating. She asked herself, what can I do here? She shifted her mind to look at the woman and the circumstances from a broader perspective. Jill thought, this mother and her daughter are probably just trying to get through the trip. I know the anxiety I cope with when flying, for the mother to react so strongly she must be anxious. I can see how much effort she’s put into making her daughter comfortable with the activities she’s brought for her. I want to do something to make peace…and then it came to her.
In her backpack was a package of chocolate chip cookies. Jill got out of her seat, and said to the mother, I have an extra pack of cookies for my granddaughter. Would your daughter like them?
“Thank you, that’s very nice,” said the mother, as her iciness began to thaw.
The little girl’s grandmother responded immediately with apologetic gratitude. “This is my granddaughter’s first flight. It’s so hard for kids to sit still.” Turning to her granddaughter she asked, “Lisa would you like to share your coloring book with this lady’s granddaughter?” Without skipping a beat Lisa handed her coloring book to Abby through the space in between the seats.
“Thank you! That’s really nice.” Abby beamed.
“I shouldn’t have shouted. I was just trying so hard to make my daughter’s first plane ride a positive experience,” the mother explained more relaxed now.
“I totally understand,” Jill replied.
Tears ran down the cheeks of the woman across the aisle, she was so moved by what she witnessed, and Jill and the little girl’s mom chatted warmly for the rest of the trip. When Jill shared this story with me, I could see how her choice to focus on their commonalities not only made her happier and inspired, but it rippled good energy out to at least the five other people involved.
Look for Connections
This is what we need to do with people on the other side of the political divide. If we can catch ourselves when we’re judging, hating, or retaliating in kind, and just pause… and look at the person from a broader perspective, as Jill did—we can find our common ground, and that’s the place I feel good about coming from. How about you?
Believe me, I swear at the TV and get all worked up about things going on in our country and the world, but when it comes to individuals, I am committed to the affirming way of life. My neighbor may have different political views than I have, but she loves her son passionately like I do mine, she is smart and I love talking to her about books, and she is committed to family just like me. I choose to see the good in her which shapes the way we relate.
Each morning I spiritually center myself by reading a lesson from The Course in Miracles. I love this: “The whole reality of our relationship with God, lies in our relationship with one another.” It reminds me how important the way I view and treat others is.
Your Takeaways
Choose to be a force for good. Catch yourself when being a hater, and shift your perspective to see the good in the other person, especially now with the polarized political divide.
Look for commonalities—our shared humanity, to nurture your connection with others.
Know that every instance, (as seemingly small as offering a cookie), that you focus on the good and what you have in common with others, shapes your life and the world!
